Breakdown 3-30-23 #1
I still can't believe what I did at Retribution. I didn't even intend on it, it just happened. I was trying to Classify The One and make her drop Aisling, but then Aisling was swung down and.... I nailed them both. Instinct took over and I made a cover, also over both. So, I am still Adrenaline Champion. It's almost like after years of psyching myself out of being able to win matches against more than one person, I made up for it by just pinning everyone myself.
An additional stipulation was added, that the order of elimination would determine the next Tag Team contenders. Well, I won so that makes Liz and I the next contenders. The fact that I pinned The One and Aisling at the same time though kinda throws the plan off. I wondered if anyone was upset with me over that.
I didn't have much time to consider that though, because the details of Kimberly Williams' Trios cash in were announced.... and all of the champions are pretty much screwed. Its like... a giant battle royal mixed with ironman, with Underground Rules. The number of pinfalls determines who becomes what champion. We are almost guaranteed to have every title change hands. That woman is as crazy as she's ever been, but as always I will do the best I can, and give it all I have.
{{ Saturday, March 25
Kenner, LA
Bree's home }}
Dom and I slept in, as we had gone out for a dinner late last night, while Nora stayed home with Heath. We got home late, and stayed up even later. Yes, that means what you think it means. Anyway, it was around ten AM when I got up and dressed. Dom was already up, as was Nora and Heath.
I get to the kitchen to get some coffee, and Nora is there, washing out some of Heath's bottles. I will be glad when he is over a year old and I can start getting him off of formula. It's ridiculously expensive – I can afford it, but that's not the point – and it makes the bottles stink. I have told Nora more than a few times that she doesn't have to hand wash them when she's here, I just run them in the dishwasher, but she insists.
“Good morning, Bree. Sleep well?”
“Like a baby.” I grin. “Well, maybe not my baby.”
“Your baby slept just fine last night. Better than usual, actually.”
“I guess he's growing up.”
“That's what they do.” Nora finishes the last bottle and sets it in the drain pan, then turns to face me, leaning against the counter. “I did want to ask you... have you noticed him maybe being a little constipated? Since I got here yesterday evening up til this morning, there's been nothing.”
I nod through my sip of coffee. “Yes, actually. I'm sorry, I forgot to mention it. I have some medicine for him in his room, in the diaper table cabinet.”
“I found it, and gave him some. It didn't do anything though.”
I frown, and look towards the den Heath is laying on the floor, as if he's still tired. I don't see Dom.
“Did Dom leave?”
“Oh, no. He's in the library, I think his mom called.”
“Oh...” I go into the den and bend down to pick up my son. He seems half asleep. I stand up and lay him on my shoulder. “He must be getting a cold or something. He's usually wide awake at this time.”
Nora nods a little. “That would explain why he didn't want his bottle this morning.”
I look down at Heath's face. His eyes are half closed, like when a baby is falling asleep. I hold him up a little closer. “Hey big boy, are you feeling bad? I wish you could tell me what's wrong.” He sighs against me, as if he knows what I'm saying and is annoyed he can't answer me. I hear Dom behind me.
“Something's wrong with Heath?” I turn and Dom is there. He runs his hand over Heath's head.
“He seems under the weather. Super tired. Nora said he didn't want his bottle earlier.”
“That sounds off.”
I look down at him again, having just realized something else. “He's also not acting normal. Like.... usually when I hold him like this, he has his legs around me, they're just hanging. And he hasn't lifted his head since I picked him up.”
Nora, who has been quiet since Dom came in, puts her hands over the bottom half of her face, as some do when they're concerned. I'm starting to worry. This seems different than any of the other colds he's had. But, I'm probably just being paranoid. Again.
“Does he feel hot?” Dom puts his hand on Heath's forehead.
“Not to me. Grab the thermometer, we'll check.”
Dom turns to go get it from the kitchen, but Nora stops him. “Wait. I don't think he has a cold or something like that. It seems... different. Like, colds don't make babies limp. Or constipated.”
“Let me see if he'll eat now, where's his bottle?”
Nora reaches to an end table and produces it. I try to hold Heath up straight, but he won't pick his head up. Fine, I tilt him back a little, and offer him the bottle. He grabs at it but I can tell his grip is too weak for me to let it go. He pulls it into his mouth, but just seems to be playing with it, rather than sucking on it. After a few seconds he turns his head, and whines.
“Oh, baby. What's wrong, does your tummy hurt?” Dom takes the bottle and sets it aside.
“Something is wrong, Bree. He can't even cry properly.” Dom sounds concerned now. Maybe I'm not being paranoid this time.
“I'll call his doctor and make an appointment.”
“No... I really think you should take him to the ER.” Nora pushes.
Both Dom and I look up at her. “Really?”
“Why would you say that?”
Nora shrugs and shakes her head, almost nervously. “I... don't really know. Just a feeling. This isn't like any cold I've ever seen a baby have. Even they usually can eat. He looked like he wanted to but can't.”
Nora may be right, Heath is still whining, poking his tongue out. He does that sometimes when he's hungry.
“Okay. I'd rather go and it's nothing than stay home and let something get worse.”
“I agree. I'll call ahead.” Dom meant to let the hospital know we were coming, as in we, giving our names. When I gave birth, they told us to do that if we ever had any problems and had to go to the ER. Privacy, discretion, all that. There are a lot of hassles that come with being famous, but this is one of the perks. While Dom goes into the kitchen to make the call, I grab Heath's blanket off the couch and haphazardly wrap it around him. It's not cold out, but I don't know what's wrong with him so I thought it couldn't hurt. Nora grabs his bag and shoves the bottle and a toy into it, then shoulders it.
“Wait, you're coming?”
“Of course I am! I spent the night with him, you didn't. I'll be better able to answer some of their questions.”
“Oh... right. Come on then.”
* * * * * {{ Metairie, LA - East Jefferso General Hospital }} * * * * *
Fifteen minutes later, we arrive at East Jefferson General Hospital. Dom is driving, so he let's me and Nora out, me still holding Heath, then drives off to park. Walking into the waiting room, I look around. There is only one man sitting by himself. He looks up at me and Nora walking by, then looks away quickly. I know that response. He knows who I am, and is trying too hard to seem uninterested. On any other day I would find it amusing and say hi. But not today. By the time I give names and have Heath checked in, Dom comes into the waiting room at the same time as a doctor comes from the back. He's middle-aged and appears Middle Eastern.
“Ms. Lancaster, Mr. Teller. We were expecting you.”
“Yes, I called.”
“I'm Dr. Haddad. Follow me, please.” I notice Nora step up beside me, and the doctor puts his hand up. “I'm sorry, miss. It's only family allowed.”
“Oh, this is Nora, Heath's caretaker. She might have important information for you. We weren't home with him last night, she was.”
“Very well. Come this way.”
We follow the doctor through an automatic double door, and down a long hallway, to the last exam room at the end of the hall. It's clearly a pediatric room, as the bed is a large crib. Dr. Haddad gestures for us to sit. I do, settling Heath on my lap. He's facing me, legs around me and leaning into my chest. I can tell by how he's breathing that he doesn't feel good. Dom sits in the chair next to me, but Nora remains standing, leaning against the wall. Dr. Haddad sits across from us on one of those rolling stool things doctors use.
“Alright, I saw on the paperwork that your son has been constipated and was lethargic this morning?”
“That's right. The constipation has been a few days. Yesterday he seemed fine to me when Dom and I left for dinner around five.” I look back towards Nora. “Tell him what you told us.”
Nora clears her throat. “Right. Well, last night he seemed more tired than usual, but I didn't think anything of it, it happens sometimes. He did eat his dinner, a few chicken nuggets and some baked french fries. I put him to bed early since he seemed tired. I had my dinner, then went to my room to read, it was still early for me. Around ten or so he woke up whining. I gave him a bottle of water, he didn't have much of it though before he dropped it and went back to sleep. And this morning, he didn't want any of his milk.”
“Didn't want, or couldn't drink it?”
I answer before Nora can. “To me it looked like he couldn't. I tried before we came here. It just fell out of his mouth and he whined.”
“I see. Can you lay him on the bed here please?” Dr. Haddad stands up and lowers the side rail on the large crib, which I see now is just a toddler bed with rails. I get up and lay Heath down carefully. He weakly tries to cling to me.
“It's okay baby, the nice doctor is gonna take care of you, okay?” I keep my hand on his foot, though. Dr. Haddad pokes and prods, pushes on his stomach, which makes him whine a little. After looking in his mouth and ears, he backs up.
“Firstly, he is dehydrated. I'm going to put him on an IV drip to help that. There's no fever, or outward signs of any sort of infection. We'll run some tests and see what's what. A nurse will be in shortly for the IV and to take some blood.”
“Thank you.”
“Remind me young lady,” the doctor speaks to Nora,“What time last night was this dinner he ate?”
“Around six or seven. I don't remember exactly. He was in bed by eight though.”
Dr. Haddad nods, and makes a note on the chart. “Thank you.”
The doctor leaves. I sit on the bed next to Heath and pull him back into my lap. He leans into me again, using my chest as a pillow.
“Tests? What kind of tests? He didn't really explain that.” My mind isn't working right, I didn't think to ask before he left.
“We'll ask the nurse, they'll have the orders.”
Nora walks over to me and brushes Heath's fine hair with her hand. “Did I leave anything out?”
“I don't think so. Oh, did you bring that bottle he didn't finish? Just in case.”
“Yeah, its in his bag. You want to try it again?”
“I'll ask the nurse if they think I should.”
Nora just nods. She backs away and leans against the wall again. A minute or so later, a young male nurse enters.
“Hi, I'm-” He stops for a second, staring. He recognized us. To his credit he recovers quickly, so I pretend I don't notice. “I'm Evan and I'll be looking after your little boy at least for the next few hours. Would you mind laying him down right there for me, so I can get this IV going?”
“Sure.” I probably should have left him there really. He fusses a little as I lay him back. Ethan pulls the blanket away from Heath, and takes his left arm, the one closest to him.
“Would you mind holding him still for me? Although he doesn't seem too fussy.”
“I can.” I turn sideways a little and put my hands around Heath's sides. Evan does his thing, placing the... whatever the thing is called, that the IV connects to, in Heath's forearm. He barely moves, and only squeaks a little when the needle goes in.
“There you go... good boy.” He pats his upper arm a little. Heath doesn't seem to notice, he's staring at me. “Alright, I'm gonna take a few tubes of blood, then attach the saline drip.”
“What sorts of tests are being done?” I'm glad Dom asked, because I already forgot.
“Complete blood panel, for starters. After he gets some fluid in him for about an hour, Dr. Haddad wants some scans done. Chest x-ray, EKG. Urine and stool samples too. To be completely honest with you, Dr. Haddad doesn't have a clear idea what's going on yet, so we're pretty much testing everything testable.”
“I see. Thank you.”
No one else says anything while Evan takes 4 small tubes of blood, then attaches the saline drip. “Alright buddy, you should start to feel a little better soon.” Evan pats Heath's upper arm. It looks to me like Heath is trying to smile at him. Evan smiles at him, then turns to me. “I'll be back in about an hour to check on him, and if the IV gives some improvement, we'll take him for the scans.” I nod, and see Dom nodding too. Evan then turns to Nora. “Ma'am, I've also been instructed to ask you to go back to the waiting room.”
“But I-”
“Dr. Haddad says he got all the information he needs from you, and he has to return to hospital policy of immediate family only. I'm sorry, but-”
“Yes. Of course.” Nora seems very upset about having to leave. She goes over to Heath and rubs his forehead. “You take care of Momma and Daddy, okay? I'll see you soon.” She turns to me. “I'll just leave his bag here with you.”
“Thank you, Nora.”
She just smiles at me, but it seems forced. Turning on her heels, Nora follows Evan out of the room.
I give Dom a raised eyebrow look. “Did that seem a little tense to you, or was it just me?”
“Not just you. Everything about this is tense. What do you think is wrong?”
“I don't know, she just seemed overly mad about-”
“I mean with Nugget.”
“Oh.” I was so paranoid about Nora that I didn't realize what he meant. “Honestly baby, I have no idea. I've never heard of anything like this. I wonder if Amy-” I gasp. “Oh my god! I didn't call them!” I get up and fish around in my pocket fumbling to take my phone out.
“Should you do that in here? They don't usually allow phones.” I glance back and forth between my phone, the door, and Heath. I want to call my brother, but I don't want to leave my son. “Go outside for a minute and call. We're not going anywhere.”
I sigh, and nod. “Okay. Ten minutes.”
I step out, see Ethan at the nurses station and tell him where I'm going. He directs me to a side hall, that leads to a private outdoor courtyard. I thank him and go out. It's small, with a tree in the middle and two cement tables with benches. I am too wired to sit though. I tap frantically on my phone. My brother answers quick.
“Heya sis.”
“Wyatt... I need you. Heath is sick, we're at the hospital.”
“Wait... what? Slow down. Sick how?”
“That's the thing, no one knows. They're doing like a dozen tests, and he's on an IV cause he was dehydrated, and-”
“Hang on, take a breath.” I make myself stop, and take a deep breath. “Good. Now, what hospital?”
“East Jeff.”
“Okay. I can be there in an hour.”
“Good. Thank you. Bring Amy.”
“Of course. Is Jaina with you?”
Shit! Jaina! Now I have to call her, too. “No, she went out last night and I haven't heard from her so I think she... had a sleepover?”
“Thanks for that mental image. Should I call her?”
“Would you? Please? I really want to go back inside.”
“Yeah, I will. And Bree?”
“Yeah?”
“You're in the best place for him. Whatever it is, he's gonna be okay.”
“I hope so.”
After ending the call, I go back inside and to Heath's room. Dom has coffee waiting for me. Not gross free hospital coffee, but a real one, from the cafe on the ground floor. I make a questioning face. “I'm me.” He grins. I assume he asked a nurse to get someone to get it for me. He has a bottle of Coke. That tells me exactly how stressed he is, he usually avoids soda. I take the coffee and sit next to Heath on the bed. He's sleeping again. The IV has loosely wrapped itself around his arm. Everything about this is surreal. It's like my worst nightmare come to life.
What is wrong with my son??
* * * * * * * * * *
Hours have passed, it's now around six PM, and doctors are still no closer to knowing what's making Heath sick. Every test they ran came back normal. Yet he started having more breathing trouble, so he has a little oxygen mask taped to his face., they called it a non-invasive ventilator, which just means there's no tube down his throat. He also has another IV, this one for food, since they figured out he wasn't drinking because he couldn't swallow. So instead of being in the ER, he's been admitted to PICU. We are upstairs in a real room. Nora has gone home, I promised to call when we knew something. Seeing my son with all of these things attached to him is scary enough, but the fact that no one knows why he needs it makes it so much worse.
I'm in the room with Heath by myself for the moment, curled up on the little couch with a blanket. Dom went home to get a few things for Heath and for me. Wyatt and Amy were here, but they were only allowed to stay for an hour. Amy had no ideas about what could be wrong, she'd never seen these kinds of symptoms in either of her kids. I glance at the side table where half of the sandwich Wyatt brought me sits, wrapped up because I couldn't make myself take one more bite.
I hear the door open slowly and look up to see Dom coming in, carrying a small tote bag. The corner of one of Heath's blankets is sticking out, I asked him to get a clean one.
“Hey baby. Did you get my toothbrush?”
“No. Because you're coming home tonight.”
I shake my head. “No. I am not leaving him.”
“Bree...” Dom sighs as he sits in the chair next to me. He looks over at our sleeping and tube-covered son for a moment. “There isn't anything you can do here overnight other than be uncomfortable.”
“What if he wakes up and no one is here with him? I am not having that. I won't let him be scared.”
Another sigh. “That's what I thought.”
“So you did being my toothbrush?”
“Yes. And some clothes. But I had to try. I just hate seeing you so worried.”
“Aren't you?”
He frowns. “Of course I am! I'm gonna go ahead and assume the only reason you asked me such a ridiculous question is because you're not thinking clearly.”
I sigh, and put my face down into my hands. “Right. I'm sorry...” It really was a stupid question. And now I'm crying for the fourth time today. Seconds later, I feel the couch move next to me, then Dom's arm around me. He pulls me near him and I adjust my legs so I can lean against him.
“Don't be sorry. You're not yourself right now. Understandably. I shouldn't have spoken so harsh.”
All I can do is nod, I'm afraid to speak cause it'll just come out squeaky or something. I hear a small rustling noise and Dom hands me a tissue. I dab my eyes off, collecting myself. I know Heath is sleeping but I didn't want him to hear me upset.
There's a light knock at the door, then it opens. A doctor I haven't met yet walks in. He is older than Dr. Haddad.
“Hi there, Ms. Lancaster, Mr. Teller.” I sit up straight as he walks in further, an older lady nurse coming in behind him. “I'm Dr. Babin, I'm overseeing Dr. Haddad's rounds for the evening shift.”
“Hi.”
“Good to meet you.”
“I see our patient Mister Heath is asleep. Has he been sleeping all day?”
“Mostly. He's woken up two or three times, but not for long.”
Dr. Babin nods and reads over the chart. He frowns a little, then flips one page back and forth, then turns to the nurse. “Mary, take a look at this.” She reads, then looks up at him sharply. They speak to each other in low voices and I can't make anything out. Then the nurse, Mary, walks over to Heath. She looks at me and Dom, gesturing to Heath.
“May I?”
“Of course.”
She leans over and picks him up, carefully due to the tubes. He stirs a little, and opens his eyes. His arms and legs hang though, like he's not trying or able to grab on. I can tell he's looking for me, but I don't say anything yet, I'm waiting to see what the nurse will do. She holds Heath upright with her hand on the back of his head, then lets go. He can't hold his head up, and it starts to roll back, but she catches him.
“He is how old?”
“Eleven months.”
“I see.” She leans over and grabs a pillow, then carefully lays Heath back down, except propped up on the pillow. “Dr. Babin, I think your suspicion may be correct. I had a patient with the same about... fifteen years ago.”
“What? With what?” I nearly jump off the couch but manage to keep myself seated.
The doctor and nurse exchange a glance, Mary gives a small nod. Dr. Babin answers. “I saw a case like this about two years ago in California, before I transferred back here. It seems to be a rare baby's condition called Infant Botulism. ”
I make a confused face. “Like food poisoning?”
“Yes, and no. Similar toxin, but different sources. Only babies are susceptible to this one. After a year old and up, the immune system has developed enough to fight it off.”
I had no idea what to ask next. I am not good with medical stuff. Dom fills in though. “So what exactly is it?”
“It comes from a certain bacteria spore. The toxin it creates causes muscular problems, such as his inability to hold his head up, or swallow, and the breathing difficulty. That's why he's been tired, he hasn't been getting enough oxygen.” Dom and I look at each other a moment. I can't read him, but I am terrified. “The most common way babies under a year old get ill from this is by ingesting honey. Have you fed him anything with honey in it, cooked or not?”
“No. I knew babies weren't supposed to have it. I just didn't know exactly why.”
“Hmm. Okay, the other source would be from contaminated soil.”
Dom and I look at each other. “The park.” He nods. “We take him to the Kenner city park often. We went a few days ago, after getting back from Dallas.”
“It's rare for this area, but possible, to have picked it up just from playing in the dirt.”
I sit back in the couch. This had to be my fault. “I guess I didn't pay close enough attention when I bathed him. Or-”
“No, it would have been picked up immediately from the soil.”
“Then I shouldn't have let him crawl around in the dirt. I should have-”
“Ms. Lancaster, please. There's nothing you could have done differently if the soil where you were had these spores. Don't blame yourself.”
I scoff. “You clearly don't know me.”
“No, I don't. But I do know that with how rare this disease actually is, there is almost no way to prevent it, other than not feeding honey to babies under a year old.”
“And we haven't. I don't even think there's any honey in the house, we don't use it.”
Mary steps up again from behind. “Please understand that we can't be certain about this without a test. But based on the previous patient with this I saw, compared to your son's reactions and symptoms... I think I'd bet my retirement on it.”
“So what do we do? How is it treated?”
Dr. Babin closes the chart in his hands. “First, we order the PCR test. Then, we order the medication. The test takes about twenty four hours to come back, but since the condition is rare, we don't have the treatment here. It could take a day or two to arrive, so the sooner we order, without waiting for the test result, the sooner it will be here to start treatment.”
“And how long does treatment take?”
“It's a one time dose, and it starts to work fairly quickly. It kills the bacteria spores. Unfortunately, the toxin the bacteria creates takes longer to clear out of the system. He'll still be sick for a little while. A few weeks, usually.”
“Weeks?”
Both the doctor and the nurse nod. “The main problem is respiratory failure. It takes time for those muscles to regain their strength. I see he already has a ventilation mask. If his breathing gets worse before it gets better, he may have to be intubated. About half of babies who contract this are.”
My hands go over my mouth, I'm trying not to make any kind of noise. This is far, far more terrifying than I thought. “Can... can he... can babies die from this?”
“Without any kind of supportive treatment or the medication we're going to order, it's possible. But Heath is already being treated, with the IVs and the mask. We'll get the medication in, and as long as there's no complications with the medication or respiration, your son should make a full recovery. It just takes time.”
I nod, and feel Dom rubbing my back.
After some more explanation, they take Heath to have another stool sample collected for the test. Once he's back, and the doctor and nurse leave, I sit on the bed and hold him for a little while. He seems to feel better sitting up on me, I guess it's easier to breathe upright. Mary comes back with a Styrofoam wedge and tells me to lay him propped up on it when I put him down. She also assures me the test was sent off and that Dr. Babin personally put the order in for the treatment medication. They were given an estimated delivery for Monday. As I sit here holding him and lightly rocking him back and forth, all I can think about is the explanation about the bacteria and toxin, and how it will just keep growing until that medicine is here. If I hadn't insisted before, there would be no way I would leave my son here alone tonight.
After he's sound asleep again, I lay Heath down as Mary instructed, and pull his blanket from home over him, then turn off the light on the wall over the bed. I notice the time, just past seven in the evening. I know I promised phone calls, but I don't feel like doing it. Saying it to someone else makess it real. Despite being early, I am tired. I yawn and stretch. Dom stands up and stretches, too.
“I think we should get out of here for a little while.”
“I told you, I'm not leaving.”
“I'm not talking about leaving the hospital. Just going for a walk. Downstairs to the cafe, maybe step outside for some air.” I stare at Heath, unsure. “He's sleeping, he's hooked up to monitors, there's nurses around. He'll be okay here by himself for an hour.” I had to admit, walking around did sound good. I'm still not hungry, but I'm sure I should at least try to eat something.
“Okay. Maybe not looking at all of.... that, might make some of my nerves settle.”
I close the door almost all the way, and we stop and tell the nurses at the station where we are going. The room is near the end of the hall (we were placed there for privacy) so it's a long walk to the elevator. By the time we get to it, I'm already glad we stepped out. My legs and back feel better already from moving around. After getting to the ground floor, I call Amy on the long walk to the cafe and explain what we just learned from the doctor. She promises that she and Wyatt will visit again tomorrow. I then call Nora and explain the same. She also promises to come by in the morning. Something in her voice sounds strange, but I figure that's just because she's worried. By the time I end the call, we are nearly to the cafe. A thought occurs to me, and I stop.
“Dom. Did you call your mom?”
“I did, when I went home earlier. She wishes she could come. I'll call in the morning with the latest, she goes to bed early.”
I had no reply for that, so I just nod and keep walking.
We go into the cafe, and the smells of everything trigger my appetite. It's set up like a cafeteria, with different stations for different items. I decide I want a burger, Dom is happy I want anything at all so he gets the same. We both get burgers and fries, and Cokes. Yes, I do have one on occasion, too. We get a table in a corner to sit and eat.
“I'm really glad you made me do this.”
“I knew you needed to get away from the situation for a little while. And food.”
“Definitely food.” I give a weak grin, probably my first smile since this morning. “Thank you for not fighting me about spending the night.”
“Hey, I know when I'm gonna lose. I'll stay with you. I brought my things, too. The nurse already said they'd bring cot or something for me, you can have the couch.”
“Thanks.”
“You do know that eventually you'll have to go home though, right? The doctor said weeks. You can't live here. You have work.”
“I'm sure that if I asked, work would excuse me.”
Dom shakes his head. “You can't do that, you're a champion. You have that big match next week. What are you gonna do, vacate it?”
“I...” I hadn't thought of that. “I don't know. It's practically vacant anyway, they all are, with those match rules.”
“That's not the point though. You and I? We don't have regular jobs that we can just call out. We're entertainers. The public has expectations of us that most other people don't have. We can't blow that off except in the most extreme of circumstances, because we wouldn't have jobs if the public didn't want to see our work.”
I sigh, hard. “I have never hated the fact that you're right more than I do right now.”
“I'm not a fan of it either. But you have a responsibility as a champion.”
“Yeah..... yeah, you're right. I can't do that. But... if anything changes before Breakdown, if he gets worse? I am calling HR and telling them I can't be there. If they strip me, they strip me.”
“That's fair.”
I start thinking about this, how I'll have to tear myself away from Heath's bedside. Then it occurs to me. “I'll have to go alone. You'll have to stay here with him.”
“Nora and I can switch off while you're away.”
“Yeah....” I look away, stabbing a fry into a small pile of mayonnaise.
“You don't seem to like that idea.”
“I don't know. I'm so conflicted about her right now.”
“I know she's been irritating you a lot more lately.”
“I wouldn't say irritating. More like.... concerning. The nickname thing, ranting about my candles and religion. And that's added to the other stuff.”
“I can see where you're coming from, I just think you're reading too much into it.”
“Because of my anxiety.” Dom nods. “I can't say for sure if you're right or not. All I know is that sometimes she makes me very uncomfortable. And that makes me resent the fact we rely on her so much, and will have to even more when your show starts production.” I gasp. “We never brought that up with her.”
“I think we can put that aside for the moment.”
“Yeah, of course.” I sigh and push my plate away, there's only a few fries left anyway. “Do you really think I'm too hard on her?”
“Sometimes, yes. But today-”
“Today. If it hadn't been for her, we wouldn't have taken Heath here until hours later, or maybe even tomorrow. He could have been much worse off if we waited.”
“I don't even want to contemplate that.” Dom looks down, shaking his head a little bit, like trying to clear the thought. For the first time today I really see how upset and worried he is. I had been so wrapped up in what was wrong with Heath and lost in my own head that I hadn't noticed until now how much it's all affected him. Not only was he worried about our son, but he had to take care of me all day, too.
“I'm sorry.”
Dom looks up. “What for?”
“All of this. I've been worrying myself sick all day, but you've had to deal with him and me.”
“Bree. I'm not 'dealing with' you. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, taking care of you as best I can. I can't take care of him, so....” I can see the resolve he's had all day wearing away.
“Apparently neither can I. He got sick somehow. I'm his mother, I'm supposed to protect him, but I-”
“You heard the doctors. No one can prevent this.”
“Then why do I feel like I failed him?”
Dom leans on the table and reaches for my hand. I hesitate, but slide my hand over.
“You put too much pressure on yourself, cakes. No parent is perfect.”
“We can't lose him, Dom. I can't lose him.” I am surprised I said that out loud. It's been the one thing screaming in my head since we got here, but I was too afraid to say, to put into the universe. Dom squeezes my hand.
“That's not going to happen. You heard the doctor. It might take a while to get better, but he will. We're in the best hospital in the city. He's going to be fine.”
“You really believe that?”
“I do.”
“Imagine, you having faith in something that I'm not sure of.”
“I don't call it faith. I call it trust. In the doctors, the treatment.”
“Okay. I'll try my best to trust, too.”
Back upstairs, the nurses told us that everything was fine, he hadn't woken up, they checked in on him a few times in the hour we were gone. Dom enters Heath's room first, and turns on the small lamp in the corner. I follow, and go to the bedside. Heath is still sleeping, on his back propped up on the wedge, just as I left him. Even with the two IV tubes and the breathing mask, he looks like a little angel underneath it all. I brush the thin hair on his head with my fingertips. I don't want to wake him but I had to touch him. I lean over and kiss his forehead.
“Be strong for me, Heath. I need you to be okay.”
When I turn around, I see that someone had brought the promised cot to the room for Dom to sleep. He unfolds it and starts to put the sheet and blanket on. One of the monitors near Heath's bed starts flashing a different color. It catches my eye so I look. One of the numbers that was green is now yellow, and it's blinking, 89. I don't know what the number means though.
“Dom... what is that? Should we get someone?”
“I don't know. I'll go.” He takes a step towards the door, but he didn't have to get anyone. Two nurses come through the door, one of them is Mary, the nurse from earlier.
“Excuse us please, there's a low oxygen reading.” I back away and watch. One nurse turns the overhead light on, and the other presses a button on the blinking monitor. Then both nurses are over Heath, One pulls his blanket off, and I can see from behind them that he's sweating a little. He also seems to be breathing harder than he should be for just laying there.
“What's wrong?”
“Low oxygen. It seems like his breathing muscles aren't working properly.” Mary turns to the other nurse. “Page Dr. Babin.”
I step closer. “What does that mean?”
“It means this breathing mask isn't enough. He'll need intubation after all.”
I step back again, and bump into Dom. He puts his arm around my shoulders. “Right now?”
“As soon as we can get Dr. Babin to confirm, and get the machine in here.”
Dom and I both stand back as far out of the way as we can be, while Dr. Babin enters, confers with the two nurses, and nods. I can't hear anything they're saying, all I can hear is a wooshing in my ears. I feel helpless as we watch the staff work. The machine is brought in and the other one taken out. With four people around the bed I can't actually see the procedure, and I'm not sure I want to.
A little over twenty-four hours ago my son was a healthy and happy little boy. Now I'm watching a doctor shove a tube down his throat just so he can breathe. Suddenly the room feels like it's too small, and spinning. I lean back against Dom, and I don't remember anything after that.