Body, Heart, & Soul 2024 #2
{{ Tuesday, January 9
Gretna, LA
BlackOut Academy }}
When I got to BOA for the day's classes, I felt literally everyone staring at me as I walked through the gym towards the day care to drop Heath off. Wyatt was near the front desk doing some kind of paperwork, and gave me a look that I read as him asking if I was okay. I shook my head. He sighed. I'd have to talk to him later. I left Heath at the day care, where he toddled himself over to where Jalyn was sitting to play with her. She had some toy cars out, and he loves those. Claire, the care taker, looked at me oddly but said nothing.
I had decided on the drive to the gym that I wasn't going to say anything about the disgusting article unless and until someone else brought it up first. Josh had texted me asking “WTF is going on?” But I was driving when it came through so I figured I'd just talk to him here.
I get upstairs and when the door closes behind me, everyone present turns at the sound. I give a wave to the room like I always do. Instead of waves in return like usual, I got stares. It's strangely quiet and I am almost positive the group of students standing around the ring waiting for class, had just been talking about me before I walked in. Oh well. I go to the back wall to set my bag in my usual cubby, and when I turn around, Josh is there, waiting to talk to me.
“I texted you.”
“I was driving, sorry.”
“Fair. So... what the fuck?”
“First of all, I'm surprised you even read it, I didn't know you paid any attention to that stuff.”
“I don't. Alex showed it to me this morning.”
“Oh.”
“You haven't answered me. What's going on?”
I shrug. “I don't know. He was pissed, I know that. But-”
“I'll be blunt. Do you think it's true?”
I cross my arms and lean against the cubby wall. “Honestly? Maybe.”
“Really?”
I nod. “He was way more upset than necessary, I think. He threw and and broke a plate, for gods sake.”
Josh glares. “At you?”
“No! Just across the kitchen, it hit the bottom of the island. Scared the shit out of Heath. And me, to be honest.”
“Sounds like guilt to me.”
“Like I said... maybe.” Behind Josh I see more students have arrived. Travis and Amy have gotten into the rings and I see the students separating into their groups. “Looks like Amy is about to start class, we should go out there.”
Josh turns and looks behind him towards the rings, then back at me. “Yeah. Okay. But we're not done talking about this.”
“Obviously not.” We start to walk towards the rings.
“One more thing. Training this afternoon? I think we should skip that and just go to m place to talk.”
“How is that gonna work?”
“Just let Amy take the kids like usual. You can ride with me so your car is still here instead of by my place. I'll just bring you back to your car later.”
“You've planned this out fairly well.”
“Been thinking about it all morning.”
I grin. “Okay. We'll do that.”
Josh nods, as if we'd just ended a professional conversation, and gets into his ring with Amy and the more experienced students.
I go to the other one and Join Travis with the newer ones. As I get in, Travis walks up to me, looking concerned.
“Hey Bree, are you okay to work today?”
“I'm here, aren't I? Let's stay focused on class, okay?”
“Alright, just checking.”
“I appreciate it.” I give him a smile, and hope that its dropped for the rest of the day
Today is going to be a long day.
* * * * *
Classes are over now. Not one student asked me a single thing about the article. Amy must have put the fear of The Morrigan into them before I arrived. After the students helped put away kick pads and mats and left, only the trainers are still here. I see Travis near the locker room getting his bag together, and Amy and Josh are talking near her office door. Me? I'm in the ring doing stretches, a sort of cool down after class, as I had been working on simple submissions with the students, and I didn't want to be sore in the morning. Amy and Josh have serious looks on their faces, and I am certain they're talking about me. Just as I finish my stretch set, I see them part, and Josh goes to the locker rooms as Amy walks towards me. I get up and slide out of the ring just as she walks up to me.
“Hey. So.. I made a point today to not say anything to you about the news while we were working. But, class is over, and I need to make sure you're okay.”
“I'm pissed off, but I'm okay.”
Amy looks down at her hands a moment. “Josh told me something that you told him happened at home this morning. That's why I'm asking.”
“Oh, the broken plate?” Amy nods. “If it was anyone else but you I'd be pissed he said anything. But I would have told you anyway. To answer you though, yes I am fine. I was startled when he did it, and Heath cried for a minute or so. But it wasn't directed at me. I promise.” I know what she's worried about, but she doesn't need to. The article may indeed be true and Dom is messing around, but he'd never do anything violent towards me.
“Okay. I just had to check.” Amy gives me a little smile.
“I know. I love you for it.”
Amy takes a deep breath, seemingly to settle herself after asking about that. “So, with that out of the way... I have to ask. Do you think it's true?”
I shrug, just like I did when Josh asked. “Maybe.”
“Bree.... I'm sorry.”
“Why? I don't even have standing to be mad if he is.”
“Maybe not. But feelings aren't rational.”
“I'm doing my best to not react to it until I know for sure.”
“If that works for you, okay. I'm here if you need anything. Just call.”
I smile, gratefully. “I know.”
Josh walks by and gives me a look telling me he's waiting for me. Amy glances at him, then touches my arm to get my attention.
“Listen to me. I mean anything. You understand?” Like an alibi. I nod.
“Yes, I hear you. Thank you.”
She smiles back. “That said, am I taking the babies home with me tonight?”
“Yes, please. I'll call you when we're coming to pick them up.”
“Okay. Well, I'll get going then. I hope your training session, or whatever, goes well.”
“Me too. Um... we might be getting them later than usual.”
Amy nods in understanding, and leaves.
Josh is leaning against the larger ring waiting for me. I walk up and hold my hands together, fingers laced, one of my nervous mannerisms. “So... what are we doing?”
“We can work out if you really want to. I just think it might be less than safe.”
“No, you're right. It's better if we don't. I wasn't on point with the students today.”
“I saw that. Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah. Let me just grab my bag to throw in my car so I don't have to come back inside later.”
* * * * *
Twenty minutes later, Josh and I walked into his condo. I did as he suggested, riding with him and leaving my car at the gym. If anyone was watching, it would look like I stayed late. I sit on the couch and let out a slow breath.
“It feels like this is the first time I've actually relaxed today.”
“I don't think I have at all yet. Do you want a drink?”
“What do you have?”
“Uh... beer, whiskey, Scotch, gin. Your Sprite.” He grins. He hates the stuff but keeps some here for me now.
“Whiskey sounds good.”
“You got it.”
Josh goes into the kitchen, and a few minutes later comes out with one hand holding two filled shot glasses, the other carrying a bottle of Maker's Mark. He sits next to me, sets the bottle down on the coffee table, and hands me a shot.
“Thanks.” He holds his glass out, I clink mine to it, and we drink. “Fuck. That's good.”
“Another?” I nod. He grabs the bottle and pours. “We should be good with this for a while.” I nod again, and we down the shots. He takes my glass and sets it with his next to the bottle, then leans back on the couch next to me.
“Feel better?”
“Much. Not just from the whiskey, although that helps. But just being here. With you.”
“Same for me. Times like this seem to be the only thing that brings me peace lately.”
“What, just being with me?” Josh nods. I smile. “I'm glad I can do that for you.”
“You do a lot for me. Bree. More than you know.”
“So you've said. But I understand more than you think.”
That draws a smile out of him. “I was hoping for that.” He moves back against the arm of the couch and motions to me. “Come here.” I get what he means, and move to sit right up against him, my back against his chest, and pull my legs and feet up onto the couch, kicking my shoes off. Josh lays his arm around my shoulders, in a comfortable hug. I lean against him and close my eyes. I can't remember the last time I felt this, to use Josh's words, at peace.
“God, you're comfortable.”
“I know I'm pretty great, but you don't have to call me God.”
I laugh, and feel his chest move behind me as he chuckles. “Cute.”
“No, you.”
“Stop it.”
“I would never.” I laugh a little again. He adjusts his position so that I'm leaning more directly against him, instead of just his side. Both arms slide around my waist. I rest my arms on top of his comfortably. “So, I know the point of coming here was to go over that news piece, but I want to bring up something else first.”
“Okay...” I resist the urge to turn around to look at him directly. I feel like he had me sit like this on purpose so that we were not making eye contact for whatever this is.
“Well, it sort of helped bring this to the surface, in a way. I guess it's all tied together.”
“What is it?”
I feel him breath deep under me. “You and I have been spending a lot of time together the last few weeks, and I think you'd agree that this whole thing changed a bit after that show before Christmas.” The night he told me about Erica.
“Yes, I agree. It feels... more substantial. Does that make sense?”
“I was going to say real, but that works too.”
“It's always been real, Josh.”
One arm tightens around me a little. “Always? I don't know about that. I distinctly remember being slapped in the face. Literally.”
It's true. I had done that when I pushed him away years ago, after he used his Trios contract to challenge Sienna for the World Championship. At the time it solved my indecision and, I'll admit it now, fear.
“That's one of the few things I've done that I regret.”
“What, slapping me, or walking away?”
“Both. Like I said... it's always been real.”
“I knew it, then. It seemed crazy on one hand because of how quickly it developed. But at the same time, it also felt right.”
“It did.” At first I thought it was weird he wanted to talk sitting like this, but now I'm glad for it. I don't know if I could be admitting this eye to eye.
“Then why did you walk away? Don't give me the Sienna bullshit, I mean the real reason.”
A year or so after all of that happened, Josh and I had talked, when he made a business deal with Jordan. We cleared the air then, and I apologized for the way I had treated him. But I don't think I've ever said out loud to anyone what's about to come out of my mouth.
“I... was scared. I'd never been in a, I guess you could call it relationship, where things happened so fast.”
“By things, you mean...?”
“Well, we did hook up the first night we really talked to each other.” I hear him scoff lightly, almost a laugh. “But not just that. A connection. Feelings.”
“You had feelings for me back then?”
“I keep saying, this has always been real. At the time, it was too real. We were both coming off ugly breakups, my friends didn't really like you at the time. Regan actually tried to warn me.”
That drew a real scoff. “Of course she did.”
“But they were an excuse. I was just scared of fall- of feeling so fast.” What the fuck did I almost say? I don't know if Josh caught that.
“So you bailed.”
“I bailed.”
“I don't think you really know how much that hurt me.”
I nod, squeezing his arm with one hand. “I think I do. It wasn't easy for me, either. I mean... look at how quickly we got here, now.”
“Just as quickly as then. There's a reason for that, you know.”
“Yeah. Because whatever was there then never really went away.”
“Exactly. So, that's where we are. Right?” I nod. “So... what I need to know is, where are we going?”
I feel my face scrunch up. “What do you mean?”
“Rather, where is this going?”
Fuck. I was not expecting to be asked this today, or any time soon really. “I don't know.”
“That's a cop out.”
I sigh. He's right. But I don't know if I can verbalize the answer in my head. “I'm sorry. I just don't know how to answer that. It's not entirely up to me.”
“Yes it is. You're the one with a choice to make.”
“Its not! I mean, I could tell you what I want, but that doesn't mean it would, or could happen. You have a choice, too.”
“I've already made mine. What is it that you want?”
“Its not that simple.” My voice cracks. Goddammit, this conversation is going to make me cry. I can't handle this.
“It can be. Forget everything else, take whatever consequences you're worried about, other people, out of the equation. What do you want?”
“You.” It's a whisper, but it's a real answer, and came out a lot easier than I expected.
“What was that?” I know he heard me, but I understand why he asked again. I clear my throat so I can speak more clear.
“You. I want to be with you.” He holds me tighter. “But it's really not that simple, babe. There are other people, there would be consequences.”
“What I need to know is.... is this something you plan on actively working towards? If so, I can be patient for as long as it takes. But if not....” He takes a deep breath, and the rest comes out slower paced. “I can't stay caught up, or have my daughter caught up, in something that might not ever happen.”
I close my eyes, trying to keep myself from crying. Jalyn. I'm ashamed to admit that I hadn't really considered her in all of this. The poor girl lost her mom. And now I've been hanging around. Josh is right, it's not fair to her to let her get attached if I'm not going to always be around.
“I understand.”
“What? You understand what?”
“Your position. You have to keep your daughter in consideration, and I get that. I have to do the same thing with my son. I wish I could give you the answer you want, but I don't think I can right now.” I want to, but I can't. Maybe I'm just still afraid. Things are much more complicated now than it was years ago. I expect him to be upset with my reply, but instead he just holds me tighter again.
“I want to say something to you, but I'm not sure if it will make things less or more complicated. I'd hate for you to feel like I'm pressuring you.”
“You can say anything to me.” I have a feeling what it is, I've been halfway expecting it through this whole conversation. I haven't decided what I'd say in return. I think I have to hear it first to know.
“Are you sure about that?”
“I think I know what it is, and I'm sure. You can always say anything to me.” I hear my heart beating in my ears as Josh leans his head down into mine.
“This isn't easy for me, but I need you to know it... I love you.” I close my eyes again, and breathe out slowly. That's what I expected. And I know exactly what to say. “You don't have to say any-”
“You too.” I whisper again.
“What?”
I pull myself up away from him and turn around. I need to see his face. “I love you, too.” That was easy. Easier than I thought it would be.
Josh starts to say something, but stops. Instead, he reaches up and cups my face with his hand, then pulls me in to kiss me. I adjust the way I'm sitting to be more comfortable as my hand goes up and rests on the back of his neck. The kiss gets deeper and more intense, and just when I think I won't be able to breathe, Josh pulls away slowly.
“That's not how I expected you to react to that.”
“Really? I thought you knew me.” I grin.
“I thought you would be scared again.”
“Who says I'm not? That doesn't change how I feel.”
With a smile, Josh kisses me again. It feels like this time we won't stop there... except just then my phone, that's sitting on the coffee table near the whiskey, rings.
I pull away and look at it. The screen says Lisa K. “Fuck. I can't ignore that, it's Dom's agent.”
Josh sits back with a sigh. “Alright. I hope it's nothing bad.”
I grab the phone and answer, trying to sound as normal as I can. “Hey.”
“Bree, hi. Firstly, are you near Dominic right now?”
“No, I'm not home.”
“Good. Can you talk?”
“Sure. Is something wrong?”
“Possibly. If anyone asks, this conversation never happened, okay?”
“Uh... okay, but now I'm concerned.”
“You should be. So, I've spoken to a lot of my contacts today, following this morning's report. I wasn't able to find out who the source is, only that it's a woman.”
“Of course it is.”
“The other information I found out though is... to be frank, damaging. My source was told that this woman also provided a few pictures to back up her story. Apparently she snapped a few the day with the crate.”
My stomach turns. “What?”
“That's what my guy was told. Hollywood Update declined to release them or even mention they exist, because apparently, they're fairly revealing. My guy hasn't seen them himself yet, but he's working on it.”
“Lisa... what does this mean? Do you think all of this is true?”
“I was going to ask you the same question. If you've been having any problems at home, or if he's been acting strange.”
Well, yes. Dom had been acting strange. But I thought that was in response to me acting strange and not knowing why. I couldn't say that to Lisa.
“No, not that I've noticed. What do you really think, though? You've known him longer than I have.”
“I have, yes. He became my client when he worked on Crime. And let me tell you bluntly, the reputation he carried on that set was earned honestly. I had more than one talk with him about it at the time, in fact.” I scoff and shake my head. I had no idea it was that bad. “But, then he met you. And it seemed like he'd left all of that behind. But, if these pictures do exist and show what my guy was told they show... it won't matter what you or I believe, the facts will be there in color.”
“Is your guy ever wrong?”
“He's never given me bad information in the last twenty years, unless he was fed bad information.”
“So maybe he was told lies.” I don't know why I'm trying to find a reason for this to be false. Especially after the last five minutes. I guess no one likes to be betrayed.
“Maybe. He's looking further into it, he says he won't believe it himself unless he sees them.”
“That's fair.”
“I'll let you know when I find out more. As you know, you are also my client and I felt a duty to give you a heads up about this.”
“I appreciate it.”
“I will also tell you that I do plan to ask Dominic point blank if it's true, so that I know how best to handle the fallout. Understand though that I won't be able to tell you his answer.”
“I understand. I would expect the same level of privacy protection for me, as well. Besides, I'm capable of asking him myself, too.”
“You are, but I feel like he'd be more forthcoming with his agent than his wife.”
“That's probably true.”
“Bree, I'm sorry I had to tell you about this, I know all of this has to be hard on you.”
“You're just doing your job, thank you for the information.”
“As I said, I'll update you when I know more. Try to pay closer attention to Dominic, if anything seems off or sketchy to you. I'd hate for you to be blindsided with unwelcome news.”
“I will. If I notice anything I will tell you.”
“Appreciate that. You said you aren't home, I won't take any more of your time. Take care, Bree.”
“Thanks, you too.”
I end the call and set my phone down slowly staring at it.
“What was all of that about?”
“Apparently there are pictures.”
“Of what?”
I snap my head up to look at Josh. “What do you think? You read the article.”
“Pictures of him and that woman?” I nod. “Holy fuck.”
I explain everything Lisa said to me, that neither she nor her guy have seen them but they were working on it.
“That's just... insane, fucking insane. How do you feel about this?”
“The same as how I feel about the article. I don't know if any of it is true.”
I sit back on the couch again, and Josh pulls me close to his side. “You've had a lot dumped on you today, I'm sorry for my part in it.”
I sit up and turn to look at him. “Hey. Don't you ever apologize for telling me the truth. Your part makes everything else bearable.”
“And I thought I would make things more difficult for you.”
I smile. “You're the easy part. I know what to do about you.”
I get a smirk back. “Oh yeah? What's that?”
My reply is to lean in and kiss him, hard. As we do, I move myself to sit on him, my legs around him. His hands settle on my ass.
“I like this plan.”
“I thought you might.”
As Josh stands up, picking me up with him and walks to the bedroom, a small voice in the back of my head whispers, maybe it doesn't matter if any of the article or the existence of incriminating pictures is true. Immediately though I shut that down, it's not something I want to think about when I'm about to get in bed with the man I don't have any uncertainty about. I don't think I ever did. Just fear, that disappeared the moment he said he loves me.
ON CAMERA
It's been a long time coming, SCW.
The Adrenaline Championship is the first title I won after my return from maternity leave. It meant a lot to me at the time, because it was proof that I didn't come back too soon, that I do still have it in me to compete with this roster, that I belong here. I carried it proudly until Kimberly Williams happened. She concocted a match with her Trios contract that turned SCW inside out. I walked in as Adrenaline Champion, and walked out as Television Champion. It wasn't the result I wanted, I wanted to keep the championship I had. I am glad I held the Television, though. It made me a Supreme Champion, and tested me in a different way, with regular defenses.
But there is a fact that hasn't been brought up yet that stands out in my mind, and I would be remiss if I didn't speak the truth. I was not beaten when I lost the Adrenaline Championship. No one pinned me for it. It was based on a ranking of pinfalls over the course of a whole night. I didn't get my rematch because I was Television Champion and I chose to focus on that, as well as teaming with Datura, instead. In hindsight, that wasn't exactly the best choice. But, all I can do is move forward, and do my best to rectify things.
When Adam Allocco became Adrenaline Champion, and then almost immediately degraded it by treating it as a prop he could give away, I saw my opening. Anyone who's followed me for a long time knows that one thing I will not stand for is disrespect of a championship. Any championship. Seeing the way Adam just handed the title off to his undeserving son set something off in me. Someone had to do something about this injustice, and it might as well be me.
Just as I was starting to get my point across and make my claim, looking for my chance to get back what I was never beaten for... Autumn Valentine made her return from injury. And instead of doing what I did... starting from the bottom and working herself back up after being out of action for so long... she and Lexy Chapel decided that she should get Syren's rematch, because they're both Lexy's clients so it's staying in the family, or some such nonsense. Listen, rematches aren't subject to some kind of weird Freebirds rule, okay? Autumn should have had to work her way back up to this like anyone else. She had a few matches, she won some, that's fine. Adam and Alistair entertained her notion of challenging for the championship, and therefore made her ridiculous claim legitimized.
Well, there's nothing I can do about that, and I really shouldn't be surprised about it. Adam has proven that he doesn't give a damn about the way things are supposed to work, or earning things, when he decided to use the Adrenaline Championship as a bribe for his son's love. This is a man who nearly killed his own child in a car accident, and lied about it until it was exposed by someone else.
Lux Veritatis had its way again. The truth always finds its way out of the shadows, and the truth always wins.
Adam insisted and insisted that Alistaire was the champion now, and he deserved it for simply existing. I'm not sure why SCW gave in to this scheme, but that's outside of my control. What we have here though is a second example of someone claiming something they didn't earn, with no work put in behind it. Alistaire simply... walked back into SCW and was handed a championship. Maybe he did really forgive Adam for what he did, maybe he didn't. That doesn't matter to me. My concern is preventing the further degradation of the championship.
There's something going on here in SCW that a lot of people don't like. Things being handed out instead of earned. Alistaire and Autumn are two examples of this just in this one match alone! And let's not forget the biggest news of the new year – the return of Selena Frost, and her immediately being put into the World Championship picture. Nevermind the fact she walked out of the company after losing it months ago. Nevermind the fact there's more than one person much more deserving of that spot than she is. I won't go on, it's not my place to properly complain about this, other people have more right to that than I do. It's just another example of the things going on here that have a lot of people upset.
I'm only one person, I can only play my part in rectifying some of this. Alistaire and Autumn, neither person deserving of the championship I wasn't beaten for and would love to reclaim. As I said before, I know some will claim I haven't earned my place either. I didn't win a contendership match. But also as I said, I've put in work. I've been here week in and week out, doing everything asked of me, fighting every match like it's the most important match I've ever had. And that's because it is. The most important match I will ever have is my next one. It's the next chance to prove myself again. It's the next opportunity to remind SCW and the world just how good I am at what I do. I don't mean to sound full of myself, but I know myself. I know my skills. And I know I have it in me to beat both Alistaire and Autumn, and carry the Adrenaline Championship once more, with pride and more importantly... honor.
I've done lots of things I once said I would never do. I've done things in my career that some people may not be able to ever forgive me for. But one thing I promise here and now, before the SCW Faithful, the world, and every god themselves... is that you will never catch me disrespecting a championship. They are what we work for in this business. Carrying one is what sets a person apart from everyone else. It's a physical representation of talent, and of the company you work for. I could never understand how anyone could treat championships, belts and titles they claim they want and value... like props. Or bribes. Or something easily traded.
That's not how any of this works.
If Alistaire or Autumn really want to leave Boston as Adrenaline Champion, they are going to have to work for it. I will make sure of that. Except I don't expect either of them to put in the work it will take to overcome me. Forgive me for the trope, but I will be fighting with every ounce of my body, heart, and soul... to be the one taking that championship home with me. I will never treat it like a prop, I will never use it as a bribe. I will carry it with all the honor and prestige it deserves, as a championship of Supreme Championship Wrestling. I have that sincere motivation behind me.
I have Lux Veritatis leading the way. I am the light of truth that will put the kind of spotlight on the Adrenaline Championship that it deserves.