Ambitchous

Taking Hold of the Flame 2021 #2

I made my intentions known a few nights ago at Breakdown. If anyone thought that not beating Cid Turner meant that I was giving up on what needed to be done, they found out they were wrong. After my talk with Amy I found it easier to put some focus on work and decided pretty quickly that I couldn't give up – SCW still deserved better than the garbage Cid was allowing his “friends” to feed to them. Since I felt partially responsible for how bad things had gotten, I knew what I had to do – enter the Flame battle royal and do everything I could to win it, so I can try one more time to take the World Championship back. To my amazement, most of the crowd seemed to be behind me. And then Owen Cruze walked out and interrupted me. He and I have never seen eye to eye, going all the way back to when he and Jaina were dating. Now he's delusional rather than just plain clueless, buying into the garbage that Giovanni Aries has been trying to sell everyone on for years. Owen didn't even have anything important or original to say – he just wanted to eat into my airtime and put himself over. Insult me and Sienna to my face, try to make me react. I refused to give him the privilege. He is still a little boy trying to play grown up games, and I won't entertain it.

As I wasn't booked, Dom stayed home, and I didn't even stay at the arena all night, Mr. D allowed me to leave early. I went back to my room, let Marco check inside as usual, then watched the rest of the show. I was glad I left, with the chaos that closed the show. I felt bad for Jordan, getting mixed up in David Helms' drama. It seemed like she found herself into a position once again where it would be better for her to stand up for herself and say no, but for whatever reason, she wouldn't. I sighed as I turned off the TV. It wasn't my problem. I had enough of my own to worry about. I grabbed my water bottle and my sleeping pill and forgot everyone's problems soon enough.

Turned out though... Jordan's problems, along with Jordan herself, showed up at my door. Last night, in the pouring rain. The poor girl looked like a drowned rat as I let her in. She dumped on me months of frustration, self-doubt, admitted to taking those pills again... then told me she needed me in her life. I wanted to cry, she was literally begging me to help her, when I could barely help myself. But I couldn't really turn her away, could I? I had been saying for over a year now, since she attacked Sienna, that I still cared about her, I still wanted to help her. So, I got her some dry clothes, even her suitcase and clothes inside had gotten soaked... and made her some coffee and sent her to bed in the guest room. The other one... after I made sure with Dom it was okay. After she went to bed I even dug out her damp things from her suitcase to wash and dry them. It kept my mind occupied.

I woke up this morning and amazingly my first thought wasn't some terrible memory of a psychopath holding me down... but wondering if last night had really happened. Was Jordan really in my house, across the hall? I knew I hadn't drank anything, and I didn't dream it because my sleeping pills don't let me dream, it's one of the major perks of taking them. So, Jordan must really be here.

I get up and get dressed, and sit on the edge of the bed to brush my hair. Just as I was wondering if either she or Dom were awake yet, I hear a knock on my door. It was tentative, almost light... I knew it wasn't Dom.

“Come in.”

The door opens and Jordan comes in. She's still in the yoga pants and t-shirt I gave her last night, her hair unbrushed. “Hey... I was hoping I wasn't waking you.”

“No, I was actually just about to see if you were up.”

Jordan closes the door behind her and walks in more, choosing to sit in the armchair next to the bed. I was technically sitting on Dom's side, which was still neat, I had only been pulling back the blanket and sheet on my side. Jordan glances at it, then gestures to the door over her shoulder.

“So um... I have a question, and it might be none of my business. But... okay, last night you said I couldn't use the room I used here before, but you didn't say why. And just now when I was coming across the hall... I saw Dom coming out of that room. Looked like he just woke up. He clearly saw me, but didn't say anything, just kinda walked past and went downstairs. So... did something happen between you and you didn't want to talk about it, or...?” Jordan shakes her head, not knowing what else to say.

“No... we're fine.”

“Oh... so....”

Jordan looks even more confused. I can't blame her. I sigh. Jordan turned up here last night probably thinking I was going to slam the door in her face, and when I didn't, she trusted me with her shit. Despite everything that had gone on between us in the last year or so, I knew I could trust her with this.

“It's just that I can't have him in here with me.” She blinks, her mouth twisted in some kind of dumbfounded grimace. “I'm sure you read about the so-called photographer who attacked me?”

“Yeah...”

I went with the way Amy put it when she asked me. “He did more than just put a knife to my throat.”

“I don't understand....”

I sigh again. I still couldn't say the specific words. “He hurt me in another way, too.” I glance down at myself and back up, praying that would be enough. Jordan thinks about it a moment, and I see in her eyes when it clicks.

“Oh.... oh God, he raped you?” She whispered the word. I nod. “Holy shit Bree... I... I don't know what to say... that wasn't in the news, why wasn't he charged with that?”

“Because I asked them not to, for that reason. I didn't want it in the news. I can't handle the media.”

“What? That doesn't make any sense! You're gonna let him get away with it, over that?”

“He's being charged with Aggravated Assault, he cut me with the knife. They have it, my blood, his fingerprints. He-”

“Bree. That's nothing compared to what he actually did. Yeah, he had a knife... I guess that's how he kept you from fighting back?” I nod. I hadn't had a detailed conversation about it like this since the day of, with the police. “The sentence has to be a huge difference!”

“It is. But the media tore me up over a few pictures, what would they do with this, babe? I can't-”

Jordan sits back and stares at me, her hand in the air. “Hold on, hold on. Let me get this straight. You're okay with letting him get off with basically a slap on the wrist in comparison, because you're afraid of the media? This might be harsh, but that sounds really selfish.”

“Selfish? Don't you think I get to be selfish? The man held me hostage, put a knife to my throat that cut me, raped me, and threatened to kill me! So if it's selfish to not want to....” I stop, and exhale, looking down at my hands in my lap. Oh my God.

“Bree? What's wrong?”

“Jordan....” I look up. “That's the first time I said any of that out loud.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I.... I guess I've still been in some kind of shock, but now I'm just pissed. It's bad enough that I can't let my soon-to-be husband sleep in the same room with me, or even touch me. I pulled away from a hug from my own brother. Now I'm supposed to let the media report about his every day, several times a day, until he's put in prison? And have it brought up in every single story about me for the rest of my life?”

“Yes! Isn't that better than letting him go free in a few months or a year, so he can go out there and do it again to someone else?”

I start to answer, but I can't. I hadn't even considered that Jude Nelson might attack someone else. It didn't make sense, he was mad at me specifically. “Why would he attack anyone else? He was getting back at me because he thought I ruined his career, him and Crane, the whole Dior mess.”

“Yeah, exactly. Crane. He worked with him, right?”

“That's what he said. I believe him, he knew too much to have made it up.”

“Okay, then clearly he picked up more than just lighting technique, hes just as psycho. What if he gets out of jail by he end of the year and turns into another Crane? A whole trail of women like you who piss him off for some reason or another and get raped or even killed? And you could have stopped it, but you didn't because you're afraid of reporters? Bree?! You can't be serious!”

I looked back down at my hands halfway through Jordan's rant, tears starting to fall. None of that had ever crossed my mind. I had been certain Jude Nelson had a vendetta against me and he acted on it and that was that. But I could be wrong.

“I hadn't thought of any of that.”

“Maybe you should. Listen, I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you, but you should be using the thing you're afraid of to your advantage. You're a celebrity, you have a voice. Isn't Amy the one pushing the whole 'be brave' thing? That's what you need to do, boo. You can't let him get away with this and go free to hurt one more person. You can't.”

I can't say anything. Jordan is right. It's the real life version of what I tried to do with SCW and the World Championship. I had a responsibility, I wanted to save the title from further desecration and I failed. This, though? I only fail if I stay silent. All I have to do is go back to the police and report it. They already know. Officer Vega wanted me to let him put it in my report. I just had to let them make it official. Everyone else had tried to convince me with gentle words and no pressure. Jordan though gave me what I needed, a brick to the face, the reality of what could happen if I let my fear of the media keep me quiet. I had been afraid of them, ducking them, ever since the Dior photo shoot that started this whole mess. They had never really bothered me too much until then. I can end it now, though. Stop running. Stop being a victim. Act like a survivor.

I look up at Jordan and nod at her, not bothering to wipe my face off. She leans in and hugs me, and I let her. Just like Amy, it was bearable. She's a woman, she's not a threat. I hug her back, and rest my head on her shoulder.

“Didn't I tell you maybe I needed you, too?”

Jordan laughs, I can tell she's just as emotional as I am. “You did.”

I pull away to look at her, we keep our hands clasped though. “I think maybe you're right.”

“You're gonna do it?”

“I... think so. Maybe. I need to think about it, see if I can talk myself into being able to deal with the media. Keep this between us for now?”

“You got it.”

I smile, maybe my first real, unforced one in weeks. “Thank you.”

Jordan just nods, and I hug her again. This time, she pulls away.

“I really hate to change the subject right now...”

“Please. Change it.” I manage a small laugh.

“Okay... do you think we could get some breakfast?”

I laugh harder. “Yes. That sounds perfect. Come on.”

We went downstairs together, and found Dom in the kitchen with coffee already made, and making waffles. He is the most thoughtful man alive, I swear.

It's Memorial Day, and Jordan is still here. Most people in the city are having large get togethers, picnics, probably even some crawfish boils for those who want to deal with the last catches of the season and the hard shells. At my house though, it's just us. Me, Dom, Jordan, and Scott came over. Dom felt like grilling some chicken and steaks. I called Jaina and told her what we were doing, but she hasn't been home since the night Jordan arrived and they had a little run in. Neither would tell me what happened, and it's just as well. I'm sure it's not my business. So, Jaina stayed next door with Reece... at this point I'm starting to wonder if she even still lives with me, or with him. But that is a conversation for another day. I have more pressing things to contend with. I still haven't told Dom, or anyone, that I'm strongly considering going back to the police. I want to... I know Jordan is right, and so are Amy, Sienna, and Dom, it's what I should do. I just can't get past the idea of the media circus this will cause. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong part, maybe I should find a way to do as Jordan said and use it to my advantage. I just don't know how.

Anyway, I don't want to think about any of that today. I want to have as much fun as I can today. So, the four of us have been outside since mid-morning. Dom has the grill going, while Scott, Jordan, and I swim. I'm even in a bathing suit, although it is a one piece rather than my usual bikini. Dom has been in and out of the pool, between checking the food he's cooking. Right now he's inside, taking in the last batch of chicken and getting the steaks. We've been having some beers while we swim, and Jordan gets out of the pool to get another one.

“Damn... we're out.”

“No we're not. I'll go in and get some out of the fridge. They just didn't all fit in the ice chest.”

I go up the steps out of the pool, towel off as best I can, and go inside. The air from the A/C on my damp skin is cold. Dom has his back to me at the counter when I walk in.

“Hey baby... is the rest of the beer in here, or the extra fridge in the garage?”

“You know, I'm not sure...” Dom turns to face me as he speaks... holding a kitchen knife. I gasp and back away, getting behind the island so it's between us. “What's wrong?” He looks down at his hand. “Shit...” He then tosses the knife into the sink and runs his hand over his face. “Fucks sake, I'm sorry.... I was just trimming fat and you asked and I turned not thinking....”

I lean on the island counter, trying to collect myself. “It's not your fault, Dom. It's just a reaction... I'll be okay in a minute.” I then realize I have my hand over my throat, where the now-healed cut was. I then feel Dom's hand on my shoulder. I feel myself stiffen up, and take a shaky breath, but I don't pull away. He moves his hand off, though.

“I'm sorry... just a reaction.” I hear him scoff at himself, I guess for using the same phrase I did. I am tired of this. I need to make progress, even if it's uncomfortable at first.

“No... it's okay.” I push off the counter and face him. “Hold me?”

Dom takes a step closer, but stops himself, cautious. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Just.... slow.”

Dom steps closer, and puts his hand on my shoulder like before. He gently pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me. I put mine around him too, under his arms and around his back. I rest my head on his shoulder and cling, tighter than I thought I'd be able to. He tightens his hold too, and I just lean into him, feeling tears coming up, out of relief that I can stand it. That I feel safe.

“I'm so sorry....” I can barely speak.

“What on earth for?”

“That I couldn't let you do this until now.”

“Bree... it's okay. None of this is about me, it's about you. What you're comfortable with, what you feel safe with. That's all I've wanted to do, was make you feel safe.”

I pull back just enough to look up at him. “I've always felt safe with you. I just... I can't explain it.”

“I'm pretty sure you already know this, but I want you to hear me say it. I would never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable or hurt you. And if I do accidentally, please tell me.”

I smile. “I do know that. You're the absolute best thing in my life and if you hadn't been here for me the last two weeks, I'd have probably lost my mind.”

He smiles in reply, and uses the back of his fingers to gently wipe my cheek off, then drops a feather-light kiss on my forehead. After almost no physical contact since being so violently violated... it felt like the most intimate thing I'd ever experienced.

Something about it triggered a thought in my head, and I close my eyes. I hate it but it feels like the right thing to do. I gently pull myself away from Dom and lean on the counter again, facing him this time, my arms folded. “Even though I do know that, and I know that this....” I gesture between us. “Was kind of a big breakthrough... I think maybe we should postpone the wedding.”

Dom frowns. “What? Why?”

I scoff, shaking my head. “Oh, I don't know... I just nearly jumped out of my skin seeing you holding a goddamn steak knife. It took me til just now to let you hug me. I don't think I could tolerate you staying in the bedroom with me yet, and the thought of what happens on wedding nights? Makes me sick.” Just saying it turns my stomach. The frown on Dom's face fades, now he just looks heartbroken. “It's not fair for you to marry me and then not be able to celebrate that the way a husband and wife should.”

“I don't care about that part, I only care about you.” I cross my arms again and give him a 'yeah, right' look. He sighs. “Okay. I care, but not in the... shallow way that sounds. What I care about, is you getting to a point where you feel comfortable enough to let it happen. If you're not ready, then you're not. End of.”

“But-”

“Bree. I need you to understand that I'm not going to, and would never push or pressure you into doing anything you aren't comfortable with. Anything Ever.”

“I know that, Dom. I do.”

“Then you need to know that it's not a reason to put our wedding off. That creep already took so much from you, don't let him take this, too. Isn't there something in traditional vows about better or worse?” Dom grins a bit. I understand what he means but I am not convinced. I grin a second back, I can't help it sometimes when he does first, but then I sigh.

“So what are we supposed to do? Get married, become husband and wife, and then go back upstairs to separate bedrooms?” It sounds utterly ridiculous.

“If that's what you need, yes. I love you, and I want to marry you. The rest doesn't matter.” I give him that same 'yeah, right' look. “Okay... it matters... but...” We both laugh a bit. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I know. I just can't get past how unfair this is to you, and you're being so patient with me.”

“Why don't you let me decide what's fair to me? I don't want you to feel like you have to push yourself into something, or put something else off, just over that. Whether it takes another week, or month, or year, it doesn't matter. I'll be here when you're ready.”

I just look at him, he's so sincere and so... perfect. I shake my head a bit, feeling another batch of tears welling up. “I don't deserve you.”

“Well, deserved or not, you have me. Always.” He rubs my cheek again, and drops another light kiss on my forehead. I lean in and wrap my arms around him. He does the same.

We stand that way for about a minute or so when I hear the patio door open. Before I can look, I hear Jordan's voice.

“Hey, what happened to the beer- oh. Whoa.” I grin, even though she can't see my face.

“We were just having a moment. Beer will be right out.” Dom backs away and gives me a grin. I return it, and turn to Jordan.

“Sorry...”

“Don't you dare apologize for that. Just hand me a few bottles.”

I open the fridge, still unsure if the beer is even there.... but it is. I grab a few and hand them to Jordan. “Here, take these. I'll bring a few more.”

Jordan grabs them and goes back out to the patio. After I grab a few, I turn and meet eyes with Dom, smiling. “Okay.”

“What's okay?”

“Our wedding. As planned.” Dom smiles back, and turns back to the meat he had been preparing for the grill when I came in.

We spent the rest of the afternoon having a great time... Dom's grilling was on point, the beer stayed cold thanks to the fancy ice chest Scott brought over, the pool water was cool. The only thing that would have made it better was if Jaina had been there with us, but I understood why she wasn't. I made a mental note to speak with her about this, about Jordan. But more importantly... I also decided everyone was right. Dom, Sienna, Amy, and Jordan. I have to go back to the police. I can't let this hang over my head for the rest of my life. I refuse to let Jude Nelson ruin the rest of my life.... or potentially anyone else's.

{{Tuesday, June 1
Kenner}}

The first thing I did this morning after I woke up, was call Amy. I told her I'd changed my mind and asked if she would still come with me. Before I could finish the question, she said 'of course.' She then wanted to know what made me change my mind. So, I told her about Jordan showing up at my door. I didn't go into detail about Jordan's issues, that wasn't my place, but I did tell her what Jordan said to me. She was happy to hear it and agreed to meet me and Dom at the NOPD station downtown at 11 AM, the time I was told to be there when I called asking to speak with Officer Vega.

I then made another phone call, this one to Jaina. I had my mess going on, but I'm not too preoccupied by it to ignore my niece. I know she and Jordan had a little run in when Jordan arrived here, and Jaina had avoided my house ever since, including the mini-party we had yesterday. I knew she wouldn't come to the house as long as Jordan was here, so I asked her to meet me on the levee for a run – alone. She agreed, but seemed wary about it.

It's just after 9 when Jaina arrives from the sidewalk that leads from the Gabriel gate.

“Good morning.”

“Hey babygirl. Thanks for coming, I know it was last minute.”

We start walking as we talk. “No big deal. Reece did want to know why you only asked for me to meet you. I told him family stuff.”

That sounds odd to me. “Why does it matter?”

Jaina shrugs. “I don't know. It doesn't really, it was just a question. So... why did you want me alone?”

“There's just some things I wanted to talk to my niece about, that are none of Reece's business.”

“I thought you were friends?”

“We are. But...” I sigh. “Have you talked to your mom recently? Like... in the last week?”

Jaina stops walking and looks at me, her eyes slightly wider than usual. “Um... yeah, actually. The day before Breakdown.” And before Jordan got here.

“Okay. Then you know.”

Jaina nods. “Yeah... she told me to not act like anything was different, so I didn't say anything to you.” She throws herself at me with a tight hug. I hug her back. “I'm so sorry Aunt Bree, I can't imagine you going through that.” She sounds about ready to cry. I don't want her to do that.

“I'm sorry I couldn't tell you myself. A few months ago you trusted me with your pregnancy thing, and I-”

“Stop it, it's not even close to the same thing.” She backs away. I can see her eyes a little red but she managed to keep it together. “I get it. I know I was young when Mom had her thing, but I remember how she was after. Um... are you okay, though? Like... okay?”

I was pretty sure she meant mentally. Obviously I am fine physically. I start walking again and she follows. “Depends on the hour you ask me. Right now, not so bad. Later today will be a different story.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, that's part of what I wanted to talk to you about. At first, I didn't want anyone to know anything. I wouldn't let the police put it in the report. I was afraid of the media.”

Jaina shakes her head a bit. “Totally understandable. The reporters are so horrible to you.”

I grin, of course Jaina would be the only one who understood. “But... and don't give me any shit over this, but Jordan-” Jaina scoffs. “Put things into a different perspective for me and, well... I changed my mind.”

“You did? Because of her?”

“Not just her. Your mom, and Sienna, and especially Dom, all think I should. But what Jordan said is what changed my mind. So, I am going to the police station today to speak with the responding officer and have him change my report. Or, add to it.”

She looks at me in awe. “Wow. That's... really brave.”

I grin. Amy would be proud of her word choice. “I wanted you to know, because once the new charges are added, it will be all over the news. I didn't want you to be caught off guard.”

“Thanks.... but, if it's gonna be in the news anyway, why didn't you want Reece to hear this?”

“It's not that I don't want him to know at all... in fact if you go back to his house right now and explain, I don't care. It's just that first of all... he's a man. And I am not comfortable around many of them lately.”

Jaina nods, she's probably thinking about how Dom is sleeping in the guest room.
“Right.. okay, that makes sense.”

This time, I stop walking, and face Jaina. “The other reason I didn't want Reece here is because I wanted to talk to you about Jordan.”

Jaina rolls her eyes. “Do we have to?”

“Yes, I think we do. Look, I know you two had some kind of argument the other night, and that's why you haven't been back home, since she's still here. I'm not going to ask you again what it was about, but I don't think I have to. You're still mad at her, aren't you?”

“Gee, what gave that away?”

“Listen... you need to know that she and I have put the past behind us, she practically begged me for help. I couldn't turn her away, Jay. I don't expect you to suddenly be friends again, but I do expect some kind of civility. You've both moved on, there's no reason to stay hostile.”

Jaina crosses her arms and glares at me. “Oh yeah? When's the last time you spoke to Blake?”

I look away towards the lake for a second, then back at her with a huff. “Okay. Point taken. I have avoided him as much as possible, which I admit is a lot easier since he left SCW. But if I happened to run into him somewhere, as long as he didn't antagonize me, I would be civil.”

“What makes you think Jordan didn't antagonize me?”

“Did she?”

“I mean, her presence antagonizes me! Do you not see that?”

I shake my head. “Why don't you explain that to me?”

Jaina sighs, hard. “Okay... like... she's dangerous for me. Look how easy it was for us to fall back into... old habits, when I started talking to her again just as friends. You know the trouble that caused! It's like.... she's like my Blake. Does that make any sense?”

Unfortunately, it does. I nod. “You know she's bad for you, but you're not sure you trust yourself to stay away?” Jaina nods. “So that's why you're avoiding her.”

“I have to. It was so easy for me to get sucked back in before, and then when everything went to shit, she exposed it all, she made me sound like a whore that ruined her relationship. She never admitted though that she was the one who started flirting first. Even Reece thinks she's bad for me,, he asked me to stop talking to her altogether, because she's dangerous. Not like she'd hurt me, but.... fuck with my head.”

I'm starting to notice a pattern here about Reece that I'm not sure I like. But I can't deal with it right now. “Jaina....”

“You know it's true! You asked her not to and she did anyway, remember?”

Jaina isn't wrong, I recall yelling at Jordan about her breaking her word to me once I learned about their little affair. Jaina could have just denied her.... I suddenly remember a nighttime knock on my door and a courthouse wedding ten days later... okay, maybe not. I know exactly what she means about Blake. I am way past that now, but there was a time... I shake my head, and wave my hands in the air in reply to Jaina.

“Okay, but none of that matters now. You have Reece, she's with Sierra. Here's the thing... I have my friend back. You know how long I've wanted to somehow fix things with her, and now we have. And I need this right now, Jaina. She begged me to help her, but I need her just as much. You understand?”

“Yeah... yeah I get it.”

“I'm not asking you to be her friend, I'm not even asking you to speak to her. I just don't want you to avoid me just because of her. I need all my family and friends right now. Can you at least try to keep the hostility down? Please?”

Jaina sighs, she looks upset. I can't tell if its with my request, or with herself. “Yeah. Yeah, I can try. I'm sorry Aunt Bree. I wasn't thinking, and she just.... gets to me.”

“I know. Don't beat yourself up about it, okay? Just try to do better. And if she truly is antagonizing you, try to be the bigger person. Don't bite.”

“I'll do my best. But um... how long is she staying?”

“I'm not sure. Maybe another day or so.”

“Okay. Then I'll just stay at Reece's until she's gone. It's better this way, trust me.”

I just nod, she's probably right.

Jaina and I turned around and walked back to the Gabriel gate, discussing SCW things. I think she was trying to get my mind off what I would be doing in a couple of hours. In the back of my mind though, I was really thinking about Jordan. I had been trying to convince her to stay at least til we all go to Breakdown. It's why I wanted Jaina to be civil – we'd all be flying together. Before this talk I was afraid it wouldn't work out and I would have to accept Jordan leaving before I wanted her to go. But Jaina wouldn't go back on her word to me. I knew she would try to do as I asked. That didn't mean it would work... but all I asked was for her to try.

* * * * * * * * * *

The meeting with Officer Vega at the police station wasn't rough as I expected. Dom came with me and Amy met us there, while Jordan went to Wyatt's gym to work out. It helped that Officer Vega had kept his notes from that day. I did have to give a few further details, like how Jude Nelson had tried to pin me against the wall first, and then shoved me onto the desk. I thought it was going to be hard to go over those kinds of details, since I really hadn't at all, not for anyone. It was the first time both Dom and Amy had heard exactly what was done to me. I knew I would have to do so, and I thought it was going to break me. But, it had replayed itself so many times in my head that repeating it seemed distant... like I was talking about a movie I saw, instead of something that happened to me. Don't get me wrong, it was far from easy... especially with Dom listening to details he didn't know. Dom reached for my hand, and I let him take it. At the end I signed what I needed to sign – my amended statement, and a medical release allowing the police to get my exam kit from the hospital. Officer Vega told me it might take a week or so for anything to happen, as they would have to send the kit to be tested, interview Nelson again, give everything to the DA. Paperwork, basically. But he did say he would let me know when things would proceed so I would have a heads up about things going public. I thanked him for all of his help, and to my surprise.... he thanked me for coming in and changing my report. I left feeling like even though I was still afraid of what the media was going to do, and I had to talk about the dirty details... I did the right thing. Even though it was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life.

It's now early evening at home. Jordan took care of dinner, and by 'took care of'' I mean she made the call to have pizza delivered. We ate, Jordan went for a swim, and I went upstairs to my bedroom. The sun has barely gone down but the emotions of the day have me exhausted. I've showered and I'm now sitting up in bed with my Kindle, looking for something to read. A few months ago, I would have opened one of the dozen or so churchy or Catholic teachings books I used to have on this thing, those used to comfort me. When I left the church I deleted them all, and I have to admit... I don't miss them. Not even now. At the time Dom asked me if I had just given up on the church or God too, and I said just the church. I still believed God existed. Right now though I'm not so sure. I am certain that some priest would tell me that this horrible thing that happened to me was God testing my faith, or giving me a lesson. Obviously that's complete bullshit and I hate the fact that just a year ago, I would have probably believed it.

I've just found a book with stories from rape survivors and bought it, when I hear Dom's knock on the door.

“You can come in.”

I set the Kindle aside as Dom walks in, carrying me a mug of tea. I grin, he's so thoughtful.

“Hey cakes. Thought you might want a cup.”

“I do, thank you.”

He sets it down on my nightstand to cool a bit, then gestures to the side of the bed, silently asking if he can sit. I nod, and he does. “I wanted to let you rest and decompress after this morning, but I also wanted to ask... how do you feel? Now that it's done.”

“It's not really done, it's just starting. But I know what you mean... and I feel mostly good about it.”

“Mostly?”

“Well, I know I did the right thing. But I am still nervous about the media. And what if he pleads not guilty and there's a trial? I might have to say everything all over again in front of a room full of people, rather than just two police officers, Amy, and you.”

“That's a good possibility. But maybe don't get ahead of yourself?”

“No, I know. You know how I am, my brain thinks up worst case scenario all the time. I keep telling myself no matter if I do have to do that... it's what's right. And that makes me feel better. It makes all of this not so heavy, that I'm stopping him from potentially hurting anyone else.”

“That's the best way to look at it, I think. Look at you, finding silver linings.” Dom smiles. “Listen, I want you to know that I spoke to Lisa earlier, and she's on standby for when things hit the news. She'll handle all of that for you, you don't have to worry about any of it. You don't have to listen to or read any news reports you don't want, or speak to anyone, or anything.”

“Thanks. I see why you keep her around.” I grin. Lisa really is good at her job, even if she does push some publicity things a bit much at times.

“She did suggest that you put out a written statement when the time comes, just to keep them from hounding you and her.”

“That's a good idea, I have actually been thinking about that. I have some idea of what I'd like to say.”

“I thought you might.”

I pick up the mug of tea and have a sip. It's chamomile lavender. “You know, maybe keeping silent, holding back from the police, was part of what held me back from being able to process things and move forward. I feel like I can breathe, you know?”

“Maybe it was. You do seem more relaxed.”

“I am. You sitting there doesn't make me want to curl up.” I grin and reach out my hand to him. He takes it and smiles.

“That's good to hear. I want you to know though, I'm not expecting you to suddenly be okay with things that triggered you since that day. You're still allowed to heal at your own pace. I don't want you to push yourself too hard, especially for my sake.”

“I'm not pushing myself. I am actually very comfortable with you here right now.” I give his hand a squeeze. A thought comes to mind, and I let it marinate a bit before saying anything. Testing it out in my mind.

“Okay... I do want you to feel better, but not at the expense of your comfort level or mental health.”

“I promise I won't do anything I'm not totally comfortable with. I've been taking everything one day, one step at a time, and that's what I'll keep doing. Even if it's just baby steps, like being able to let you hug me yesterday.”

Dom grins. “I don't know if I'd call that a baby step, that was pretty big.”

“Maybe it was.” I realize we're still holding hands, and I give him another squeeze. He returns it.

“I'd really love to kiss you right now.”

“You can.” I smile. He looks at me questioningly, and I nod, still smiling. Dom takes his free hand and places it on my cheek, then leans in slowly, and gives me a delicate kiss. Nothing fancy, just lips on lips. He lingers a few seconds, then ends with another small peck before backing away.

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” I meant to say something else too, but at that moment, I yawn. I cover my mouth and shake my head. “Sorry...”

“It's fine, I know you're wiped out. I'll let you get some sleep.”

Dom gets up and drops a light kiss on my forehead. I sip my tea as he walks towards the door. I take a breath. I can do this.

“Wait.”

Dom turns. “Yeah?”

“Stay.”

“Stay?” I understand his confusion.

“In here, with me.”

“What, all night?” He sounds hopeful. I grin.

“Yeah.” Dom takes a few steps back in, about halfway from the door to the bed.

“Are you sure about that?”

“I'm sure I want to try. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” He just looks at me a few seconds, that loving “nothing else exists but the two of us” gaze, a smile on his face. “I'm just gonna go grab my phone and water.”

I nod, and Dom walks out. I finish my tea and set the mug aside, then settle in a little more comfortably. Ever since that day I've been sleeping in long pajama pants with a t-shirt, which is what I have on now. I feel good about it. Dom comes back in, phone and bottled water in hand. He's in gym shorts and a t-shirt, his usual lounging around the house attire. Neither of us are dressed in what we'd normally sleep in before, but these aren't normal circumstances. Dom pulls back the blanket on his side of the bed and sits. He keeps an eye on me as he turns and pulls his legs in, and pulls the blanket over himself... meaning we're both under it now.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. But... um... Hold me?”

He smiles. “Of course. Uh... how?”

I just grin as I move closer and move his arm behind me. He takes the hint and lays back, his arm under and around me, both of us on our backs. I lean in and lay my head on his shoulder. I can't remember the last time I felt this comfortable and relaxed.

“Still okay?”

“More than okay. I love you, so much.”

“I love you, too.” He kisses my temple, I guess he couldn't reach my forehead.

The last thought on my mind before falling asleep, is that I didn't even take a sleeping pill. I didn't need it.

Associated Press BREAKING: At 1:34 PM CDT, AP received news that Jude Nelson, the photographer arrested in New Orleans on May 17th and charged with Aggravated Assault for allegedly attacking SCW Wrestler Bree Lancaster, has now also been charged with Second Degree Rape, following further investigation by NOPD. Nelson had been released on bond a few days after his arrest, but with the new charge he has been detained once more and is now being held without bond.

By Louisiana State law, Second Degree Rape (previously known as Forcible Rape) is defined as rape “When the victim is prevented from resisting the act by force or threats of physical violence under circumstances where the victim reasonably believes that such resistance would not prevent the rape.” These threats can include the use of a weapon to subdue the victim. It was previously reported that Lancaster was lacerated by a knife in the incident. If convicted, Jude Nelson could face up to forty years in prison.

* * * * * * * * * *

For Immediate Release:

--Statement from Bree Lancaster, sent to the press via her agent Lisa Kagan, following additional criminal charges against Jude Nelson--

“The last near month has been one of the darkest times in my life. Following being attacked by Jude Nelson, I wanted to forget it, let it go away. Not make it into a big deal, because I did not want the media circus that I knew would arise if I spoke up, if I told the whole truth. But, a good friend made me realize that I can't be a Woman of Truth by only telling the truths that are easy, or that don't scare me. In fact, its the truths that are terrifying, that are the most important to tell. Hiding the truth because of the media is part of what led me here, and I will not repeat my past mistakes out of fear. Jude Nelson is a dangerous man and I could not allow myself to remain silent and risk the possibility of him going on to hurt one more person the way he hurt me.

I want to thank my family and friends for their unwavering love and support. The NOPD for their diligence and compassion. And my future husband Dom Teller, for always being my safest place.

I will not be giving any further statements and I ask that everyone please respect that, and the privacy of myself and my family. Thank you.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Another Breakdown happened while I waited for the new charge to be filed against Jude Nelson. I wasn't booked, I didn't have air time. Jordan got caught up in David's mess again, then David was hurt. I intended to stay in the back and mind my business....but then Asher, Holly, and Cid started their bullshit. It was one more instance where I couldn't sit back and remain quiet any further. I went through the back with the intention of going out to the ring as fast as I could. Selena Frost was either faster or closer, and got out there before I did. I intended to go after Asher but when I got into the ring, the Golden Boys targeted me. Both Selena and I fought them off, I didn't care for the fact that it almost made it look like she and I were on the same side. I don't know what she thought, but as far as I am concerned, we are not. I never did get to Asher, Cid stopped him from getting back into the ring, then Owen Cruze ran out and knocked both me and Selena down... then Infamous came out and everything went to hell. Even though I got beat down, I don't regret going out there, I was trying to do the right thing. Sometimes it doesn't work out, sometimes it means having to deal with something or someone you don't like... but right is right.

Speaking of the right thing.... I am on the plane to St. Louis this afternoon when I get a call from Lisa, telling me the news was out. Dom, Scott, Jaina, and Marco are with me, and after the short conversation I tell them all it's done and the news is out. It wasn't lost on me it happened on this day... June 11th, my brother Heath's birthday. He would have been 49. I feel like it means something, like he's watching over me. I am also glad I'm in the air when the story broke, that saved me from the initial wave of news getting around. I am still nervous about what will happen now, once we land. Once I get to the hotel, to the meet and greet I am scheduled for, to the arena. All of it. Life from this day forward will never be the same.

The fact remains though that I know I did the ring thing in not holding back the truth, no matter how hard it was to come forward and speak it. What I need to do now, is bring that same energy to SCW. I failed once against Cid Turner, and while it would be easy to blame what happened to me for it, I can't, not fully. Sure, I was in a bad place mentally as it was just days after I was attacked, but I also probably underestimated him. I can't afford to do that, to anyone. Not when there will be thirty nine other people who want the same thing I do Sunday night. But it has to be me. Someone has to be the one to right this great wrong in the company, and no matter what I said on TV about Selena Frost being someone who would respect the championship, that isn't good enough. I don't believe she can be the person to fix all of this. I helped create this toxicity, so I know how to bring it down.

It has to be me.

ON CAMERA

On the inside of a familiar looking private plane, we find Bree Lancaster seated on the divan in the back of the plane. Dressed casually in light blue jeans, boots, and one of Amy Chastaine's black and gold “Be Brave” t-shirts, Bree has her hair loose around her shoulders as she sits comfortably with her feet crossed.

Everyone loves to talk about how 2020 was a terrible year, and in many ways, it was. But for me.... it was the height of my career. I was a champion more than I was not. I was voted Female Wrestler of the Year. I got engaged!

2021 though? Not so great, so far. It started off well in January, when I defeated David Helms to unify his World Championship with my Interim World Championship. After that though... disaster. The Gauntlet match, where I was injured and lost the Championship. I healed, returned, and immediately lost to Asher Hayes. Sure, it was a DQ that I wasn't mad about, but it's still a loss on record. I thought I was getting back on track after beating Gavin Taylor... but then I failed in my rematch against Cid Turner.

Just a few months ago, I would have sat here and tried to come up with a reason, some might say an excuse, for why I failed. This time, I might be justified. Just days before that Championship match, I was attacked by someone I thought was a professional photographer, but turned out to be an associate of a very bad man. They both had a vendetta against me, and that man did horrible things to me. Given news broke earlier this afternoon I am sure that you all know what I'm talking about so I am not going to go into any further detail right now. Just know that I showed up in Mexico City and I fought that match anyway, when it would have been easily justifiable for me to have asked to postpone it.

But I didn't. I couldn't. I had to fight. I needed to fight. I gave it everything I had in me that night, and I admit it wasn't enough. I could make the excuse that I was still traumatized and my head wasn't in the right place to be in a World Championship match, but that wouldn't be entirely true. Because between those bells, for the first time since that terrible day, I forgot everything that happened to me. All I could focus on was the match, Cid, the title. The officials even made Asher and Holly leave ringside, I can't blame them. I just wasn't good enough.

Bree shrugs a little, shaking her head at herself.

I was one of the people who made it possible for people like Asher and Holly and even Cid to think they could get away with doing whatever they wanted, by the way I've conducted myself in the past. It was up to to me to do something right, something for the benefit of everyone, to try to rectify at least some of the ugliness I caused. I look at how they act, the way they are turning not only the World Championship but SCW itself into a joke, and remember how I used to pull stunts like that... and I see how ugly and obnoxious I must have been. In that respect I really should thank Asher, Holly, and Cid for being a mirror and showing me what I don't want to be anymore.

Pausing to take a breath, Bree nods, almost to herself, as if building up her own confidence.

That's why I'm doing this. I feel I don't really have a choice. I failed a few weeks ago, and for that I am sorry, but I am not giving up on what needs to be done. There are extra steps now, I have to go through 39 other people, but it's like a... rebirth, a baptism through fire. I need to prove to myself and to all of you that I am still one of the best in this company, in this business, and I can be the one to start to set things right.

I know that by the end of the night Cid may not be the champion anymore, I could be putting myself through all of this just to face Selena Frost.

Bree sighs, closing her eyes for a second, before continuing, making herself stay calm.

Look, she is a person I am never going to like, some things will never change. To me she will always be the type of person who tells you she is doing what she does for you, when she is really only doing it for herself. Do you know why I know this? It's what I was doing. I made so many claims that the way I fought, everything I did in the ring was for SCW's own good. But it wasn't. I wanted everything for myself. I wanted to be United States Champion, I wanted to be World Champion, Sienna and I wanted to be Tag Champions. So I did what I had to do to get there. I never outright lied to you, much like I'm sure Selena never has either... I simply twisted things in such a way that I made my own motives sound in line with what was best for the company. The difference between Selena and I in that regard is... I never tried to hide that from you, I've always told you the truth, and she will never admit it. She still has too much pride to ever admit to being wrong.

My pride was broken, I don't have that holding me back anymore, and I'm here to tell you... I was wrong. In so many things, I was wrong.

With a deep breath, Bree rubs her face, almost as if wiping something away.

For a long time, I felt like I was pretending, or holding up a reputation I built for myself years ago that I didn't really believe in anymore. I was one person in front of all the cameras for you, and another person in private. It was actually exhausting to put that face on, that air, that you all have expected from me over the years. I know I earned my reputation thanks to some of the things I did when I was with Blake... we schemed, we threw money around, we made life miserable for so many people, even friends and family.

Bree pauses, a small grin on her face.

I have to make an aside here and point out that I'm recording this on June 11th, which would have been my older brother Heath's birthday. I'm in this business because of him, he was already into the industry when I was born, it's always been familiar to me. He was supposed to train me when I was old enough... but he died when I was 17. I often think of him as some kind of guardian angel, like he's looking out for me, and I always hope that whatever I'm doing is making him proud of me. The last few years though.... I think he would be ashamed of me. Heath was a man of hard work, truth... see where I get that from? And above all else, honor. Looking back, I thought I was upholding that, by holding myself to a higher standard, but I was doing it all wrong. I wanted to be champion because I wanted to be recognized as the best. But I had it backwards, and I am hoping to be able to prove to you all, and my brother, if he really is watching from heaven, that I have it worked out now.

Bree glances upward for a moment, then continues.

My problem was that I let those championships define me... if I wasn't holding a title, if I wasn't a champion, what was I? Nothing? Just me? But that's the wrong way to look at all of this and I see that now. A wrestler isn't a champion just because they hold a championship. Look at Asher Hayes. He created a fake title so he could try to convince everyone of his delusion that he's 'co-champions' with Cid Turner. But he isn't a champion. He doesn't act like one. And even if he legitimately wins a real championship, he still won't be a champion, not in my eyes. A real champion is a champion always, whether they carry a title belt or not. It's not just carrying that belt that makes a champion. It's the way a person carries themselves.

Instead of letting the championship define me... I should have been defining the championship. That's one of the biggest things I was wrong about.

But I am not wrong in wanting to do everything I can to set things right. Whether its Cid or Selena I will face if I can accomplish what I want, it doesn't matter. Defeating them at Rise to Greatness will still be what's right for SCW. Cid has no respect for himself or the championship, given the way he's allowed his so-called friends to use him to prop themselves up. Selena may respect the championship for what it represents but I don't believe she has any respect for any of you, the fans. She uses you to prop herself up, as a reason to fight for what she wants, while claiming it's for you. It's not. It's for her.

I can understand how some of you may think I'm doing this for myself, too. It's what I've done around here for years. I've been called selfish and greedy and vain and arrogant... I will admit to being vain on occasion, it's almost a prerequisite for this industry. I've had my selfish moments, I can admit that as well. And honestly if anyone in this business says they are not in it to become champions, then they are liars. We all want to reach the top, we all want to have that recognition as the best. But there are those who only want it for their own egos, and there are those who want it to be a representation of the excellence this business can truly be. I've had enough of the egos, the arrogance, the pedestals. I've been there and let me tell you, being there for as long as I was gets lonely. It gets tedious, stressful, trying to look strong all the time, act as if nothing bothers you, create excuses and twist facts around so that you never look bad. It's exhausting.

I'm tired of it. And I'm done with it.

Bree looks down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with the ring on her left hand. When she looks up, there's a darkness to her expression, maybe sadness, or perhaps resignation.

I understand if some of you don't believe me, if you don't want me to be that person, the one to save the championship from what it's going through right now. But I also need you to understand that I need to do this to save myself. I need something to grasp on to, to point at and say... look, I did that. I fixed something that needed fixing. I wasn't too broken to do something that matters.

Bree's voice cracks just a bit, enough to make her stop and rest a hand over her throat for a moment. She takes a few breaths to collect herself.

Maybe if I can accomplish everything I hope for... win the Flame, reclaim the World Championship... you'll see that I am sincere, I am someone you can trust to lead SCW, the right way. Hold the championship with respect, a different kind of respect, with an honor, than I ever did before. I've seen what disrespect and dishonor looks like, it's ugly. And it's not who I am.

I've always tried to do what I thought was the right thing. Most of the time in the last few years, that meant the right thing for me. Now I'm doing the right thing for you.

It won't be easy, winning the Flame never is. It's something I've never done. But the right thing isn't always easy. Sometimes it's the hardest thing you can think of, the hardest thing you'll ever do. Those are the things that need to be done the most.

Bree lets that thought hang as she gives a quiet confident gaze, before the video fades out.