Apocalypse 2021
August 26
Washington D.C.
Capitol One Arena
----------------------
After the Friday the Thirteenth event at the Starmaker, I'd done everything I could to keep my mind off the stupid nightmare I had. Other than calling Nate to bitch him out one more time for saying that name to me and making me paranoid. He apologized again and suggested I focus on something I enjoy to put it back into the deep recesses of my brain. So, when I wasn't at Ante Up for my own training or running my class, I spent most of my time at home in my studio, getting dirty with paint. In almost two weeks between the 13th and the first Breakdown after Rise to Greatness, I did a whole sculpture – a hand giving the middle finger, and four paintings on canvas, three abstract and one based on my Jackal mask. I didn't have anymore stupid dreams, and things with me and Tommy were our normal, you know what that means. The only thing that still bothered me was the way Ashley kept texting me and certain comments and glances when were at the gym together. There was no doubt in my mind that he wanted to continue what we started (again) at the pool party. He'd yet to ask me point blank, but I'm not stupid, I know when a man wants to fuck me. In any other point in my past, I'd have flirted right back and done it again at least once already, if not more. But here I was, trying my best to do something normally for the first time in my life. I had told Tommy months ago I didn't want to mess around anymore. Yet I did. Without saying anything first. I guess it was technically cheating? Which was a strange thought for me cause I'd never been exclusive before. And I felt bad about it. Tommy didn't know, I didn't know what he would think if I told him, if he'd be mad, or brush it off because of who it was... or what. It was the first time I'd ever felt guilt over a fuck in my life, and I hated it. Sex is supposed to be fun, dammit! Not cause this kind of stress. I had no idea how to handle this, the situation, the feeling of guilt, any of it. But I thought I knew someone who could help me, without judgment.
The day of Breakdown, Tommy and I got to the arena at the expected time. I told him I had to take care of something and I'd meet him back at our locker room when I was done. I may have made it sound like it was something SCW related.... but I was really going to a store room in the venue that SCW wasn't using, as tipped off to me by our ring crew friend Perry. I'd simply asked him to find me a room where 'we won't be bothered.' I let him think 'we' meant me and Tommy. When he gave me the information, I sent a text, and fifteen minutes later I was at the door of a room labeled “S103,” and seconds later I turned to greet the footsteps behind me.
“Hey Drake. In here.”
“Hello. What is this room?”
“Some random storage room that SCW didn't need.” I opened the door and flipped a light switch. Inside were stacked folding chairs on racks, and tables with the legs folded leaning against the wall. Everything had a thin layer of dust over it. We walked inside and Drake shut the door behind him. I made a gesture, and he locked it, too.
“You've made it a habit as of late to ask me to meet you in private.”
“I know... and I'm sorry if it's weird. But I just can't talk about this with anyone else.”
“Are you having other doubts about the Jackals? I thought we-”
“No. Not that. This is more personal.”
Drake blinked, a rare show of surprise from him. “I see. Personal, in what way?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Oh. About me and Tommy. Well... more me. But kinda him. And someone else. And-”
“I don't say this often, Kandis... but you're confusing me.”
“Sorry. I just... I'm in whole new territory for me. And you're the only person I know who will listen and advise without judging me.”
Drake nodded, then held up a finger, asking me to wait a minute. He took a folding chair off a short stack, opened it, and slid it to me. Dust floated off it, but I took it anyway. He grabbed another for himself and sat across from me.
“There, now we can speak comfortably. What is your dilemma?”
“I fucked around.”
Drake tilted his head slightly. “I don't understand.”
“Okay, let me be technical. I had sex with a man who isn't Tommy, and he doesn't know.”
Drake sat back, crossing his arms. “Forgive me, but I was under the impression that the two of you were never exclusive.”
“We weren't. Until a few months ago when I told him I didn't want to mess around anymore. But then I did. Right before Rise.”
“I see.”
“So now I have this weird feeling, like I did something wrong, even though all I did was the same thing I used to do before... even thought I said I wasn't. He doesn't know, and I hate knowing that I did something behind his back.”
“So basically, you cheated.”
I cringed. “I guess?”
Drake smirked. “That must be a strange concept for you. I see now why you're struggling.”
“I don't like this guilt shit. I don't know how to handle it.”
“And you think I can help?”
“I hope so. I mean, you did the whole, pure and righteous, thing for a long time. Dealing with guilt over the smallest transgression must have been a big part of that, right?”
“It was. I recall feeling guilt over being tempted by you.”
I couldn't help smirking at that. “Obviously you dealt with that, processed it, whatever, for a long time. I don't know how to do that.”
“Okay. I will try to help you. But you have to be completely honest. Not necessarily with me, but with yourself.” I nodded my understanding. “Very well. Firstly, usually when one feels guilt, it's because they feel they did something wrong. Do you feel you were wrong?”
I sighed. “Its complicated. The guy it was.... there was a thing before, but-”
Drake put a hand up, cutting me off. “I didn't ask if you were wrong. I asked if you feel you were wrong. Facts and feelings are not the same thing.”
“Okay... yeah. I feel like it was wrong.”
“In most case, when one feels they have done something wrong to another, the best course of action is to confess. In your case, I am not sure that's the proper course. We both know Tommy has a temper.”
I nodded. I had told Drake how Tommy got angry at me after I told him about the night we spent together. I hadn't told him exactly what happened... Drake might have committed murder if I had. “Right. I'm just not sure if he'd be pissed or not, because the only reason me and this guy hooked up in the first place is because Tommy wanted me to. It's a long story.” And not one I thought Drake would understand. I barely understood it and I did it!
“No details are necessary. Let's forget the confess or not confess conundrum for the moment, and focus on just you. Why?”
“Why, what? Did I do it?”
“Yes.”
“I wanted to.”
“I see.”
That was Drake's usual prompt, when he wanted more information without asking for more information. “He found out about how I only hooked up with him before because Tommy wanted me to. He thought I used him, and when I said I didn't, that I actually wanted him, he pretty much dared me to prove it. So I did.”
“Did you do this just to prove a point and cover your previous actions, or because you, in truth, wanted to?”
“I told you... I wanted to.”
Drake nodded, and seemed to be gathering his thoughts for a few moments. I cracked my fingers while waiting. “I think the key to dealing with your guilt lies in answering two questions.”
“Shoot.”
“Are you happy with your current life path? And if not, what do you truly want?”
“Can't I be happy but still want something else?”
Drake smirked, pointing one finger at me, like you do when you figure something out.
“That's exactly the case with you, isn't it? Always has been, I believe. You are not the kind of woman who can be satisfied with one person.”
I shook my head. “I guess not. I tried, you know? I wanted to try. No one else ever made me want to try to be normal.”
“You love him. Tommy, I mean.”
“Yes, I do. That's why I tried.”
“May make an observation?”
“Of course.”
“It's clear he also loves you. And he fell for you, fully knowing the kind of person you are. There was likely no need for you to change anything about who you are.”
“So.... you don't think he'd be mad?”
“I cannot speak for another man. But if he is the kind of man I think he is, then I would guess no. Or not very.” I sighed, and leaned over putting my face in my hands. “You seem just as troubled as when we started.”
I looked up. “I am. Because all this just leads to me needing to tell him what I did.”
“Let me ask you this, do you want to see this other man again?” I must have made a face, because Drake clarified. “By see, I mean have sex.” I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. “Your hesitation tells me, yes.”
“I would, if it wasn't for the fact I'd still be going against what I told Tommy I wanted to do.”
“You've changed your mind about that, obviously.”
“I guess I did.”
“Then we are back to the fact that it seems the only option you have, is to speak with Tommy about this.”
“That's what I was afraid of.”
“I understand why.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Because of me.”
I nodded, I should have known he'd get it. “That was the last time I spent the night with someone where he didn't know beforehand that I was gonna. And.... I know I told you before he was mad, but I never told you how mad. He-”
Drake put his hand up to stop me again. “I don't want you to tell me. It's long past, and has no bearing on any of us now.”
“Right. I'll just say, super fucking pissed. And.... what if that happens again?”
“Are you willing to continue carrying this guilt around for the rest of your life? Because if you don't confess, that is what will happen. Guilt undealt with can eat a person alive from the inside.”
“It already is. I know he can tell something is up with me.” Sure, some of that weirdness lately was due to me having random memories I'd rather not have, but that was just recent. I'd been acting weird since the party, and I knew it. Tommy had been too, but I figured that was just because he got shitfaced and didn't remember much.
“We've come full circle, in that I am going to advise that if you feel you've done something wrong, you should confess. There may be a consequence for that, there may not be. But at the end of the day, you need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.” I nodded. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I knew he was right. “And if you want to change the dynamic of your relationship again, that is another conversation to have, rather than just acting on it without a discussion.”
“That's the thing though, I didn't know I wanted to change things until after I did it.”
“All the more reason to confess, and have the discussion.”
I sighed again, and looked down at the chintzy 90's-era patterned carpet. “Yeah. You're right.” I looked up, grinning. “I feel like I wasted your time, you just told me what I knew but didn't want to hear.”
“Time with you is never wasted. Hearing truth from an outside source can be confirmation. I'm happy to have assisted.”
“Again. Like you said earlier, I've made a habit of this.”
“I don't mind. I am certain there will be a time when I will need the kind of counsel only you can provide. I will not hesitate to ask.”
“You know I got you.”
“I know.”
We got up and left the storage room, not bothering to put the chairs back. No one would probably enter it again for another year or two anyway, so it didn't matter. We got back to the locker room area, and split up, me going to me and Tommy's, Drake looking for Minerva's. Despite the fact I knew Drake was right and that the only way to get past this was to talk to Tommy about it.... I didn't really want to. Part of the consequences of my fucked up childhood, was a deep avoidance of anything hard, or real. It was why I kept myself closed off from most real emotions most of my life. Tommy broke through that, and I was afraid of doing anything that would threaten it. I'd spent most of my life ignoring or suppressing negative events and the emotions that went along with them, I could do it for this, too. Just wait a few weeks to let things die down, then talk to Tommy about going back to the way we were before. All I had to do was keep Ashley at a distance. I did that before, too. I could do it again.
Right?
August 29
Santa Barbara
The Starmaker
-------------------
The first Breakdown after Rise to Greatness had it's moments. It always does. Some people call it 'a new season' and everyone wants to show up and show out to get ahead as soon as they can. Minerva had some trouble, her father showed up in Chris Cannon's corner. What kind of shit is that? She told me she and her father had issues but damn. We had another pregnancy announcement... do none of these bitches know what an IUD is? At least it means the Lancaster bitch won't be around for at least a year. Minerva got in her face, making reference to Swann. The actor got pissed. It's always fun watching a Helms squirm, even if he doesn't actually use the name.
In more important events, both Tommy and I were booked, in singles matches. Me against Lucas Knight, Tommy against the World Champion. I lost, the bastard rolled me up. Tommy and Selena... well, Asher Hayes ran out and attacked Tommy, costing Selena the W. I don't give a fuck about their heat, I was just pissed he put his hands on Tommy. For a guy who loves to brag about fucking me, he sure makes a habit out of pissing my man off. That's not really a good way to go about trying to fuck me again. Then again Asher was never the smartest guy in the locker room, now was he?
Following the show, Tommy and I fell into our usual post-show routine. Call room service for burgers and beer, talk shit about the people who fucked with us, then bed. My conversation with Drake stayed in mind, but I didn't bring anything up. And so it went over the next few days once we went home. I kept my mouth shut and went on as normal while trying to decide if I really wanted to follow through with Drake's advice, and if so? When and how?
It was Sunday following Breakdown, Tommy and I were at The Starmaker, the one day a week the place is closed. Thomas and Ashley were there too, helping clean up, restock, and such as is usually done on Sundays. Tommy was in his office handling paperwork. Thomas and Ashley were checking in a liquor delivery, and I was hauling boxes to the liquor room once they were checked. I had a hand truck stacked with four cases of Heineken that I wheeled into the room. I restacked them against the shelving, since I saw the spot they go in needed to be reorganized. Shaking my head, I started moving shit around on the shelf to make room. I heard the door close, and spun around, and Ashley smirked at me, leaning against the door. The light in the room wasn't very bright, so with the door closed it was pretty dim.
“Need any help?”
“Uh, no... I think I got it. Thanks though.”
I turned back around and started moving shit around again, but seconds later the light got even dimmer as Ashley stepped next to me and grabbed a box, moving it aside. “Are ya sure?” He gave me a grin. I realized in that moment he didn't come in here for anything to do with the stock. I stood up straight and looked him in the eyes.
“What do you really want, Ash?” I then glanced at the closed door. There was no reason to shut it if he'd only come in here to help with the stock.
“Right to the point, eh? Alright.” He stepped closer and ran his hand along my arm. “It's hard t'find a moment alone with you, that's all. Ah saw an opportunity an' took it.”
“We're alone all the time, we spar three times a week.”
“That's not really alone though, is it? Not inna giant gym with a dozen people milling about. I meant alone, alone.” His hand was still on my arm. I was reminded of the time last year I'd cornered him in this exact room, when I was trying to find a way to do what Tommy asked me, get him to want to fuck me. I suspected he'd done this here on purpose, for that reason.
“You still haven't told me what you want.” If he was gonna play games, I was gonna make him say it.
“You. But y'know that. I know it, cause, it's been a month since that party and ya been avoiding me as much as y'can.”
“Have I?”
“Dunt deny it, there's a reason Ah had t'corner ya in here just t'have this conversation.”
I sighed. I had to remind myself that this wasn't the same Ashley I'd met a year ago. He'd grown.
“Fine. Yes, I've been avoiding being alone with you.” Easier to not fuck up again that way.
“Why? Ah thought we had a thing, ya can't tell me you dunt want me, Ah know better after that party.” He leaned closer and ran his hand up my arm then to my neck, finally lightly holding the back of it. I shifted a little. There wasn't a point in pretending at this point, we both knew better.
“You're right, I do..... but I can't... Tommy still doesn't know.”
Ashley shrugged, his hand still on the back of my neck. It was warm, and made me warm down low, too. “So?”
“So?! If he doesn't know about the one, why would I add another to the list?”
“You afraid he'll be pissed?”
“Uh, yeah!” I shrugged, trying to get him to move his hand. It didn't work. I had a mental flashback of the night Tommy got super pissed at me after I casually told him I'd spent the previous night with Drake... I was shoved against the wall, hair pulled, hand on my throat. My brain further betrayed me by replacing Tommy's face in the memory with Jackson's... that grip on my throat had been tighter. I shook my head, forcing both thoughts away.
“Ah thought everyone had the understandin' that this here-” He gestured between us. “Only exists because Tommy set it up. He has zero right to be pissed.” He rubbed the back of my neck gently. That did wonders for pushing the memories away for good.
“I know that. but-”
He stops me from talking by leaning in, kissing me. The past month I kept telling myself that I could stay away, that I only let what happened at the party go down because I had been drinking. But clearly that was bullshit, because at that moment in the liquor room I was perfectly sober yet I leaned into that kiss. Ashley slid his free arm around me and grabbed my ass, while one of my hands ran up his side to his chest. It was then that I caught myself, and pushed him away.
“Dammit, we can't! I don't want to go behind Tommy's back again...”
“What's the difference now? Ya already done it.” His hand was still on my ass, right under the cheek, gripping the crease between my ass and leg. My glutes involuntarily clenched.
“Exactly... I'm already hiding something, and I don't like how that feels.” I was suddenly aware that for probably the first time in my adult life, I was turning down a fuck that I actually wanted, for... reasons. Who the fuck even was I now? I didn't have time to further contemplate that though, as Ashley slid his hand from my ass around, and down the front of my yoga tights, cupping me there.
“You like how this feels though, don't ya?” He started rubbing slowly, just over the surface. I pressed myself against his hand, and a finger slid in between. I groaned, but tried to push him back anyway.
“Ash, I told you, we can't... not until I talk to Tommy....” He kept moving that finger, then added another. My hand was still on his side and I felt my fingers dig into his ribs. Fuck, why was this so hard?!
“Do ya want me to stop?” He spoke close to my ear, almost whispering. He leaned into me and I felt him hard against my hip.
“No... you know I don't... but you should.” My last word was followed by another groan I couldn't hold back.
“At least let me let you finish...” He moved his fingers a little faster. My legs got weak, and I leaned back against the beer boxes. I looked up, ready to protest again. “Jus' like this... nothing more. Y'seem like ya need it.” He smirked.
“I... fuck...” I lowered my head against his shoulder, nearly all my resolve gone.
“If ya want me to stop, Ah will...” He held his hand still for a moment, as proof. He had more willpower than me.
“No... don't stop.” I opened my legs a bit wider, still leaning back against the boxes, and pressed myself into his hand, urging him to continue. Ashley used his free hand to raise my head up so I was looking at him, then he kissed me again. More. He stopped for about three seconds to turn around and lock the door, I never knew it locked from the inside until that moment. Turning back to me, he kissed me again, and kept doing so the whole time his fingers down below worked their magic. About a minute later I shuddered against his hand and the boxes I was leaning on, causing the beer bottles inside to rattle. I did my best to keep myself from vocalizing, and only one small moan escaped as I finished. When I opened my eyes, Ashley was grinning down at me.
“Feel better?” All I could do was nod. Ashley removed his hand from my tights and wiped it off on a bar rag he must have had in his pocket. “I've gotta go, er... take care of sommat...” He looked down at himself. I looked and saw what he meant, as he adjusted himself so the bulge wasn't so apparent. “Lemme know when you have that talk wi'Tommy, yeah?”
I was still catching my breath and didn't get to answer before Ashley unlocked the door and left the room, closing the door again.
I stayed leaning on the boxes as I collected myself. What the fuck had just happened? I wasn't sure what was more fucked up... the fact I turned down sex I wanted, or the fact I wanted it at all. As much as I tried to ignore it, Drake had been right. I knew it, but I didn't want to accept it. Like I told Drake, I tried to do things normally, I tried to have a normal relationship.... but it's just not who I am. Tommy is the only man who ever made me want to event attempt to stay monogamous, and I gave it a good try. I really did. I wanted to! But I can't do it, no matter how much I love him. I need variety, I need excitement, I need... to feel like I control myself, not like someone else controls me.
Someone had tried to control me before.....
* * * * * {{February 2017 – West Hollywood}} * * * * *
It was a few months before I met Ryan Watson and ended up getting into wrestling. If someone would have suggested that idea to me at the time I would have called them insane.
On an afternoon in late February, I had just got back to my apartment after leaving Kix, my kickboxing gym. The apartment building was only two blocks away from the gym, so I typically walked. I didn't drive back then anyway, and the proximity to the gym was the main reason I chose that apartment building. It was a small one-bedroom on the third floor, but I've always had stamina for days so going up and down the stairs every day didn't bother me. Life was good, I was making good money with my art, thanks to skills my foster dad taught me going back to when I was a troubled teenager, having literally grown up in the California foster care system. I did mostly sculptures back then, commissions for the rich Hollywood fucks, every now and then I'd get a job for something needed for a TV show or a movie, that's what my foster dad did, built things for movie sets. I also helped teach kickboxing at Kix to teenagers, and got paid hourly for that, above minimum wage even! I also bartended on the weekends. Most people around the Los Angeles area had more than one job, the hustle mentality was real out here. It had to be, to stay afloat. Once I moved out on my own, I never wanted to be dependent on anyone again. So I did what I had to do. I had fun too, I had friends, and all the fuck buddies an independent woman could ever want. Ever since I was about fourteen or fifteen, I never wanted to get into a real relationship. I didn't think I had the capability for it, I didn't want to be tied down. At this particular time in my life, I had about a half dozen 'regulars' I slept with occasionally, and every now and then I'd take home a random dude I met at the bar I worked at. If any of the regulars tried to get clingy, I'd cut them off.
There was this one guy though... Jackson White. I met him at Kix, he was a powerlifter. And up to that point in my life, the best fuck I'd ever had. He wanted me to himself, he claimed he loved me. I kept reminding him that I didn't do real, I didn't do love, and I didn't do relationships. We'd talked about it more than once, even argued. He'd pushed me around once or twice in anger over it, he didn't want me with other men, no matter how many different ways I explained myself. I probably should have cut him off immediately, but that dick.... As for Jackson, I think he thought he could change me.
I got to my third floor door and dug my key out, then let myself in. I hadn't seen Jackson in a few days, so I was shocked as fuck when I flipped the light on and found him sitting on my couch. I screamed... I never gave him a key.
“What the fuck, dude?!”
“Didn't mean to scare you.”
“Well you did! How the fuck did you even get in here?”
“I came by to see you. Some maintenance guy was leaving as I walked up. I guess he thought I lived here, because he just let me in.”
“Fucks sake...” Maybe I needed to move. “Okay so what do you want?”
“Same thing I always want. You.” He stood up and walked over to me. He was really fucking tall, like six-four or some shit. Jacked up. Powerlifter, remember?
“You could have just called me, you know.”
“I could. But then you'd have had the chance to blow me off. Like the last time.”
I scoffed. “I didn't blow you off, I had an art show! It was legit!”
Jackson walked towards me, and laid his hand on my shoulder, close to my neck. “I know. But then you didn't call when you came back. So here I am. I missed you.” He leaned over to kiss me, but I pulled away.
“So wait a second... you practically break into my apartment-”
“There was no breaking. Just entering.”
I ignored him. “And now you think we can act like there's nothing wrong with the fact you're basically trespassing?”
“Yeah, that's what I think. Unless you want to act like there's nothing wrong with the fact I saw you at the gym fucking around with that Davis prick again.”
I laughed. “That's why you came here? Because you saw me talking to Davis?”
“You weren't just talking. I saw him with his hands all over you.”
I brushed his hand off my shoulder. “So? I keep telling you Jack, I don't belong to anyone.”
“And I keep telling you... you will.” He grabbed my shoulders with both hands and kissed me, hard, possessively. I jammed my hands between us against his chest and shoved him away.
“What the fuck are you doing? Shoving your tongue down my throat isn't going to change anything.”
“Come on, baby. You know I'm the best you've ever had.” He wasn't lying about that. I'd told him that before, post-fuck. “You could have it all the time. Just say you're mine.”
“No. I don't do monogamy. I told you that the first time we hooked up.”
“And I told you, I'd change your mind.” He pulled me towards him again, this time wrapping a large arm around me so that I couldn't push him away as he kissed me. I tried, though. After a few seconds, he stopped and looked down at me. “I think you're just being stubborn now.”
“I'm really not. You are. You refuse to listen to me when I tell you I'm not made that way.”
“Yes you are, baby. All women are. You just need the right man to love you to see it.” He kissed me again, and pushed me back against the wall. He knew I liked it rough sometimes, and I guess that's what he was going for, thinking I'd just give in if he gave me what I liked. But I was tired of his prodding and pushing and insisting that I commit myself to him. Before he could pin me against the wall fully, I ducked under his arm and spun away. He turned around quickly and grabbed my arm. “What the fuck, Kandis? I'm over here trying my best to give you what you like, and-”
“No, you're trying to distract me so I won't keep telling you I don't belong to you! But I've had enough, okay? Every other man who acted like this got kicked to the curb immediately.”
“Yet you keep me around. There's a reason for that.”
“Yeah... you have a huge dick. That doesn't mean you need to act like one, too.”
Jackson laughed. “Good one. But seriously, you really can't see that the reason you keep me around is because you want to be taken?” He was still gripping my arm.
“I think you're seeing what you want to see, and not fucking listening to me! And let go of me!” I pulled my arm back, but I couldn't break his grip. He glared at me.
“You're the one not listening. You. Are. Mine.”
Jackson then twisted my arm in front of me and pushed me back against the wall again. When I tried to get away, he closed a hand around my throat. Being a huge dude, his whole palm covered the entire front of my neck.
“Stop... I can't... breathe...”
“I'll stop... when you say you're mine.”
“No... I... can't....” He squeezed tighter. I grabbed at his hand, wrist, arm, with both my hands trying to make him let me go. I clawed with my nails, he didn't budge. “Jack...son....” My vision was fading.
“Just nod, baby. Say yes, tell me you belong to me. And I'll take you to bed and....”
I didn't hear the rest, because I blacked out.
I woke up in bed, my throat on fire. I sat up, looked around frantically. I remembered exactly what happened, and I was terrified Jackson was still in my apartment. I looked down at myself, I still had my clothes on. That was a plus. I grabbed the water bottle on my nightstand and drank... it hurt to swallow. I cautiously got up, and listened. The apartment was quiet. I went to my dresser and looked in the mirror. My throat was bruised. I rubbed it, and winced with the pain. Angry, I went into the living room, almost hoping Jackson was still there so I could kick his ass. He wasn't. There was a note on my fridge though, under a Kix logo magnet. It read “Sorry. I'll be back and we'll finish this.”
Like fuck we would.
I called my brother Nate. I told him what happened. He came over, I packed all my clothes and essentials, and left. And I didn't go back into that apartment, until I had to get my stuff to move, where Jackson couldn't find me.
* * * * * {{Present}} * * * * *
I shook my head of the memory. Instead of clearing my head though, my thoughts jumped to the day Tommy lost it on me over Drake. I remembered his hand on my throat, I remembered him yelling at me that I was his. Demanding me to tell him I belonged to him. I remembered the moment my mind broke, I didn't want to black out, so... I gave in. I said what he wanted. I agreed to everything he demanded. Just to make it stop. I didn't know at the time that it was because of Jackson that I did it. I just thought Tommy was right to be angry, that I was unskilled at how relationships work and I needed him to tell me what to do.
I leaned over, burying my face into my hands. What fucking hot mess I am, right? Just when I thought I had myself all figured out, my memory threw this shit at me and reminded me that I'm even more fucked up than I thought. Not only did I nearly fuck everything up between me and Tommy with that whole “tell me what to do” nonsense, I was now about to blow everything up in a different way, by trying to be something I'm not. Jackson tried to force me to be a one-man woman, this time I tried on my own, but it didn't make a difference. I'm not built that way.
Fuck!
I pushed off the beer boxes so hard that the stack nearly fell over. I shook my head at myself for allowing that memory to replay in my head. I wanted to be mad at Ashley, but he hadn't done anything wrong, not really. He was right, this situation existed because of Tommy's plan, that I agreed to. It was far to late to walk it back. All I could do now was push forward. And that meant accepting that Drake was right (funny how he keeps being involved in this somehow, right?).
I needed to talk to Tommy.
I made myself take a deep breath and I left the liquor room. I knew Tommy was in his office, going over the paperwork from the liquor delivery, payroll for the few people who worked the bar, that kind of thing. I was annoyed at so many things – my memory, Nate for triggering it, Ashley for getting me flustered. I chose to focus on the one annoyance I could do something about – my cunt was till throbbing with need. Yeah, I came, but I wasn't satisfied. An orgasm without penetration was just foreplay. I adjusted my clothes and walked down the hall to Tommy's office. I knocked three short raps, then opened the door. He looked up at me with a grin.
“Hey babe. I'm just about done in here, we can go grab lunch.”
“Or... we can have lunch here.” I closed the door behind me, and locked it. Tommy's eyed widened a little.
“We can?”
I walked towards his desk, putting a sway in my hips. “There's plenty to eat right here.”
“We're.... not talking about food anymore, are we?”
“Nope.” I sauntered around the desk and sat on it, in front of him. Probably on top of some paperwork, but I didn't care, and it didn't seem like Tommy did either. He leaned back in his office chair.
“Not that I'm complaining, but what's gotten into you?”
“Nothing... and that's the problem.” I smirked.
“And I suppose you want me to do something about that?”
“Always.”
Tommy stood up in front of me and I wrapped my legs tight around him. “Not sure what put you in this mood all of a sudden, but I like it.”
“I just had the sudden urge to come in here and remind you how much I love you.” And maybe remind myself in the process.
“Please remind me...” He kissed me, and I leaned back on the desk. I heard something fall, clanking to the floor. I had no idea what I knocked over and I didn't care. All I cared about was getting bent over this desk and getting stuffed.
I'd just have to find the right time for a conversation some other time.
ON CAMERA
In what looks like a gym locker room, we find Kandis straddling a bench. She's dressed in workout gear, long tights and a sports bra, both a bright blue. Her Tag Team Championship belt lays across the bench in front of her, making sure viewers are reminded just who the champions are.
Well, we here are, dolls. Apocalypse is here and most of you must think it's the end of the world now that Tommy and I are champions once again. A few people at least have been acting like it. People like Autumn Valentine and Lexy Chapel, and Ace Marshall to a degree. But it seems like no one was more mad than Lucas Knight and Christy Matthews. Order of Chaos, right? Gotta say, that's a clever name. Christy, you've always thought you were so fucking clever, almost on par with your ex-tag partner Ravyn Taylor, am I right? You know what I'm talking about... cause you better fucking believe I'm still salty about it.
November 2019. SCW House Show. The two of you plotting and scheming with Autumn Valentine and Ryan Watson. I found it completely hilarious that since I brought it up recently since we were fighting Autumn, Ravyn decided she needed to comment. That interview with the Lancaster girl, claiming Autumn and Ryan didn't really do her and Christy a favor by setting up the ridiculous one-day title switch. It sure the fuck looked like a favor to me! Maybe some people don't remember. Maybe SCW has new viewers who have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. Here, with the power of some creative editing after I'm done filming this... I'll show you.
Kandis raises one hand and snaps her fingers.
The scene switches to a clip from an episode of Breakdown, the date 11-27-19 stamped in the lower left corner.
LAST FRIDAY – SCW LIVE EVENT, SAVANNAH, GEORGIA:
We see a shaky image of a cell phone video that shows Autumn Valentine and Ryan Watson in the ring, the video from the upper bowl.
Sharper: “Autumn Valentine and Ryan Watson have been having an open challenge at live events. They’ve faced some teams like Twin Magic, like the Trueloves, but they’ve gotten past still holding the titles.”
Knots: “But now look at this. Before they even finish, Infamous was out there.”
Sharper: “Infamous answered the challenge and then you see here, the closing moments of the match.”
The crowd roars as several people can be seen standing up as Ravyn Taylor and Christy Matthews walk out from the back. The scene changes to another fan’s phone to show Autumn going for clothesline as Ryan Watson rolls to the floor. Ravyn can’t be seen, presuming that she was knocked down before Autumn is rolled up by Christy Matthews in an Okana roll.
1!
2!
3!
The crowd roars as the sound is muffled.
Phillips: “Here are your winners, via pinfall, and NEW SCW World Tag Team Champions, Christy Matthews and Ravyn Taylor, Infamous!”
We then see Christy look up and smile. She pumps her fist as she gets up. Autumn looks around before Christy Matthews turns to the referee, demanding the title. We see the referee being handed the Tag Team Championship belts. The crowd booing now can be heard.
Fan: “They won the titles? The [bleep]?”
Fan 2: “Holy sh[bleep]!”
Fan 3: “It’s bulls[bleep]!”
Christy can be seen holding both Tag Team Championship belts, celebrating herself, pure glee on her face. The camera turns to show Ryan Watson looking in the ring, not impressed.
Sharper: “You can see Ryan Watson not happy, but the glee on the face of Christy Matthews.”
Knots: “Christy rolling up Autumn. Almost like they had it planned?”
Sharper: “We took a look, they competed for roughly twelve minutes before that point. So it may have been legitimate to start. We don’t know.”
Knots: “You can’t believe that. What about what happened in Augusta?”
Sharper: “Well let’s take a look. Thank you to the fans who gave us footage.”
LAST SATURDAY – SCW LIVE EVENT, AUGUSTA, GEORGIA:
Christy Matthews can be seen in the ring with Ravyn Taylor. Both are wearing the SCW World Tag Team Championship belts. Across from them is Autumn Valentine with Ryan Watson leaning on the ropes. The video is taken from the floor, showing some fans in front of them.
Christy: “Autumn…I’ll happily give you the rematch. Because at the end of the day, we are the best tag team. And you, well, deserve a rematch.”
Ravyn smirks. The video switches to show a shot from a fan on the other side of the ring. We see Christy stretching on the ropes as the bell sounds. She then steps forward as Autumn walks out too. The two then lock-up in the middle of the ring. The crowd can be seen making noise before Autumn ducks down and spins through into a school boy into a pin. She pulls on the tights.
1!
2!
3!
Christy kicks out after three and looks around. The crowd roars before moving.
Phillips: “Here are your winners and NEW SCW World Tag Team Champions, Autumn Valentine and Ryan Watson!”
The crowd starts to cheer while Ravyn has a look of shock. The camera focuses on them as Ryan Watson steps into the ring and smirks a bit.
Sharper: “It was a quick match. Autumn pulled on the tights. Immediately pinning Christy.”
Knots: “Do you honestly believe they were stunned?! It was a ruse!”
The video cuts back to Kandis, who now has her arms crossed, and is shaking her head.
These bitches really thought no one would pick up on the fact the whole thing was rigged! And why? Because poor little Christy was never a Tag Team Champion before, and Autumn just had to do something about that. Even if it was for just 24 hours. And they might have been able to play it off, convince most people that the whole thing was legit... if it wasn't for this....
Kandis snaps again. Another clip from the same Breakdown comes up, same date stamp in the corner.
Backstage, Ryan Watson walks over to Autumn Valentine.
Ryan: “Ya still happy ‘bout e’rething?”
Autumn: “It gave her something. I’m not going to say I’m not happy about making someone I used to see as everything something they deserved.”
Ryan: “Well I hate it all. Feels like I smell like shame.”
Autumn: “Relax. It’s done. The opportunity was there to do it and we did it.”
Ryan: “Yeah…this time…ya know my issues with them-“
Autumn: “We aren’t part of them. We’re our own thing. Not looking to start a partnership. It’s done.”
Ryan: “Good…because while we got this Zero Effs thing, I do care about that.”
Autumn: “I know. It’s why I asked you do it. Take care of it. Nip it in the bud or its something being held over us.”
Back to Kandis, arms still folded, a glare on her face.
That sure the fuck sounds like an admission to me! So let me ask you this, Ravyn. If it wasn't a favor they did for you and Christy, what the fuck was it? A debt? Blackmail? Because if you're trying to claim that nothing shady was going on them I'm gonna call you a fucking liar to your face. My proof? Ryan admitted it to me. It might have been the last time we spoke to each other. He didn't have the balls to put his foot down and not go along with this bullshit, which fucked me and Tommy out of the rematch we were promised. I don't have time in my life for men without balls.
Kandis smirks a bit, then shakes her head once more.
But you know what? It doesn't really matter to me why you concocted this bullshit. The fact is that you did. I guess it didn't matter to you Christy, that the win wasn't legit, you weren't a real Tag Team Championship, all you cared about was the line on your record. Yeah you “lost”--
Kandis makes air quotes with her fingers at the word.
--them right back a night later but it happened! It's in the books! Even though now two years later and damn near everyone has accepted the fact you manufactured the whole thing, it's still listed as a title reign! That's even more bullshit than the fact you pulled it off in the first place, but I'll come back to that. Here's the thing.... and this is important so I want everyone to pay attention. If it wasn't for that House Show Fraud? Christy Matthews wouldn't be a Supreme Champion today.
Don't anyone start yelling at me about the clusterfuck Tag Team Ladder Match that Christy and Ravyn went on to win that December, whatever the fuck that show was called. If they hadn't blackmailed their way into the title scene with that house show bullshit, they would have had no reason to be in that ladder match in the first place. Which means they wouldn't have won the titles.
But you know this, don't you Christy? That's why the second you realigned yourself with Lucas, after sticking yourself into a fight that had nothing to do with you, to save Lucas after he stuck himself in a fight that had nothing to do with him.... the two of your staked your claim to our championships! You want to right a wrong. You want to have a legitimate Tag Title reign with the partner that you never held them with, even in your heyday.
Kandis puts a hand up and wags one finger back and forth.
Nope. Not gonna happen, not on me and Tommy's watch. We were screwed out of our rightful rematch because of your bullshit, and we are not going to let our fourth reign be a one and done because you suddenly grew a backbone and decided you needed a legit reign to actually be a Supreme Champion. Here's the best part though.... you want it, you need it so much that you even agreed to put the United States Championship on the line, just so we'd get in the ring with you and give you the chance to legitimize your own legacy. Let me ask you Christy... does Lucas know that none of this is even about him, it's only about you? Actually... Lucas... do you care that your ex-wife and newly reunited tag partner is using you?
Kandis laughs to herself a bit, having just realized the hilarity of it all.
Lucas, you really are something special, you know that? You jumped into your boy Chris Cannon's fight with Minerva, for.... reasons? Dragged your friend Daveyboy along for five minutes until I broke his leg. Almost got yourself burned alive... all because you couldn't stay in your lane. And now? You're still sticking yourself into places you don't belong. This is our division and you don't belong in it! You and Chris were Tag Champions for about five minutes thanks to that bullshit tag tournament, so now you think that gives you the right to just step up to us, with a different partner? What the fuck did either of you do to deserve this shot, huh? That's right... not a motherfucking thing. Other than piss us off, and offer up something in return.... the championship that Christy won at Rise to Greatness, that gave her that oh so coveted Supreme Champion status.
You know... the one I already proved is bogus, which is the real reason you two wanted this match, I'm willing to bet.
Here's the thing, dolls. The Supreme Status isn't going to matter after this match is over with, because you aren't going to beat us. I mean, let's really look at this. Christ spent how long teaming with Lucas before and couldn't become champions? She got so desperate that she and Ravyn, I don't know who's idea it was, but that's not the point, the point is that they created this scheme or blackmail or whatever the fuck it was to get Autumn to lay down just so Christy could claim to have been a tag champion. One of you is dead weight here, and I guess it's on you to figure out which one. But I want you to ask yourselves this before you get in the ring with us tomorrow night... if you couldn't get it done in all the time you worked together before, however many years ago it was... what the fuck makes you think you can do it now, when you've worked together in a match a grand total of once, in an eight-person tag no less, not just the two of you. Against us?!
Kandis laughs.
Tommy and I have been working together for two and a half years, consistently. We are four time Tag Team Champions together. We've carried this division on our backs the entire time we've been a team! I don't give a damn how good you are individually, I don't give a shit that Christy outlasted three other people to win the US Title, I don't give a fuck that the two of you used to be married... you're not now, you haven't even had a real tag team match together in years. You don't have the connection, the cohesion, the chemistry that Tommy and I do.
No one does!
Kandis grabs her belt and picks it up, holding it up for a few seconds.
This right here... and her twin that Tommy carries, will still be in the same hands once Apocalypse is over with. We won't accept anything else. On top of that, one of us will be leaving with the United States Championship, too. We've been in a match like this before, Rise to Greatness last year. Us against Frozen Hell, Selena Frost was the US Champion and she put it on the line, along with she and Regan's chances at another shot at the Tag Titles. That match... didn't work in our favor. They walked out with both Championships. We're not gonna let that happen again. We can't let that happen again, not with you! You're trying to legitimize both Christy's status as a Tag Champion and a Supreme Champion.... but Tommy and I are already as legitimate as it gets. We don't have to run schemes or pull desperation maneuvers to make ourselves feel like we matter. We know we matter every time we hold these belts up and remind the world just who we are and what the fuck we can do!
Order of Chaos might be back... but the Connection never fucking left.
Oh and Christy? Once the dust settles after Apocalypse is over... we're going to do everything we can to convince the Board to go over ever piece of film there is in regards to that house show bullshit. The clips fans sent in, conversations caught on camera at various Breakdowns... to prove that you and Ravyn rigged everything, that you didn't deserve to be in that Ladder Match because of it, and have you stripped of not only those Tag reigns, but also your Supreme Champion status. Don't think we can do it? Let's just say we have more pull around here than anyone really knows.
This is what happens when people fuck around with us. You find out how long we can hold a grudge, and we always get our receipts.
Kandis smirks, then snaps one more time. We cut to a slow motion shot of Kandis and Tommy at Rise to Greatness a few weeks ago, holding their newly won Tag Team Championships overhead.