Breakdown 11-18-21 #1
October 29
Santa Barbara
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Things had been tense ever since Tommy and me fought in the locker room after Breakdown. I unloaded on him everything I'd been frustrated about, and what he did had only made everything worse. While I was yelling I hadn't considered the fact that not only were we flying home together (on a really short flight but still) but we were also going home together to the same house. We practically ignored each other before going to bed. I noticed when Tommy woke up and left the room. I really didn't feel like having to deal with, well... anything. So I stayed in bed. I wasn't really sleeping, I was just avoiding going out into the house. Eventually though I had to get up and get something to eat. Fuck it, I live here, too, right? So I went into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. We exchanged a few words, nothing important so I don't remember, then I went back upstairs to my studio. I wasn't really in the mood to paint or anything, I just wanted to be alone. I ended up playing music and making a few sketches just out of boredom. Sometime in the early evening I heard the front door slam. I looked out the window and saw Tommy driving off. I couldn't really be mad, I'd barely talked to him all day. When I turned around to go back to my desk, I got a text. It was Tommy - “Going out. Don't wait up.” It's almost like he started to leave without telling me anything at all, and then decided he'd better say something just so I didn't worry. It was a decent gesture I guess but it didn't even put a dent into everything I felt he needed to make up for. Well, he made a point to tell me he was leaving and staying out late, I wasn't gonna be the rude one. I replied, “Okay, thx.” It probably wasn't the best thing I could have said, but it was better than what I wanted to say, so small progress?
I sat back at my desk and stared at the sketch I'd started. It was an abstract of criss-crossing chains and ropes. I had it about half done, it needed shadowing to really look decent. But I suddenly didn't feel like drawing anymore. I had a better idea. I grabbed my phone and made a call.
About an hour later, I opened the door and let Ashley in. He greeted me by kissing my cheek.
“Hey love, ya musta been bored t'call me over.”
“Something like that.” I went to the kitchen and gestured for him to follow me.
“Are ya sure it's okay for me t'be here?”
“I'm sure. Tommy won't be back for a while.” I pulled out two glasses, and a bottle of tequila.
“Erm... not that I'm not glad ya wanted t'see me, but I havta ask... is everything okay with the two of you?”
“That... depends on what you mean by okay.” I poured the liquor, then tossed a few ice cubes in, before sliding one glass across the island to Ashley. He grabbed it, but didn't lift it to drink.
“Pretty sure y'know what I mean. I saw what happened las' night.”
“Oh. Well then you already know the answer to that. I mean... he isn't here, and you are.” I sipped my tequila. It went down smooth.
“And I appreciate the invite to hang, or whatever... but I'm not really sure I want to be getting in the middle of yer... issues.”
“You're not in the middle of anything, Ash. He didn't tell me where he was going, but I could probably guess. And it's fine. You being here? Is fine. Me and Tommy's issues are ours. I'm not trying to put you in the middle. I just wanted your company.”
Ashley looked at me a few seconds, obviously trying to decide if staying was worth it. He sighed softly, then drank from his glass. I knew it. He couldn't say no to me any more than I could say no to him.
“Alright. But can I just ask-”
“Is it about last night?”
“Er... yeah.”
“I would really prefer that you didn't.”
“Just worried about you, is all.”
I sighed, staring into my glass. “You're not going to drop it until we talk about it, are you?”
“Nope.”
“Fine.” I drained my glass – it was only about two shots worth anyway – and clunked it to the counter. “What?”
“Not trying to get all deep or anythin, I just wanted to say everyone knows it were a fucked up situation, you were both put in a bad spot.”
“I'm not the one who actively screwed the other over though.”
“Can I ask you something?” I nodded, this was already started so no point in shutting down now. “What did you realistically expect him t'do?”
“Almost anything other than what he did! Look, we didn't have a choice about being on opposite sides but he chose to physically stop me from breaking the pin. It was like.... a full display of what's been happening for months, maybe years. He gets all the recognition and opportunities and I get nothing, except just looked at as his sidekick.”
“I don't think people really-”
I heard him but I kept on as if I didn't. He was wrong. “Tommy literally held me back from having a chance of having a moment of my own for once.”
Ashley's eyes went a little wide. “Guess I hadn't seen it like that.”
“Neither did Tommy. He couldn't understand why I was so pissed. We had a screaming fight right after the show was over and I pretty much told him he was fucking up my career.” I shook my head, staring at my empty glass. “Thing is... now that everything is over with and I'm mostly calm?” I looked back up. “I don't really feel any different.”
“And y'haven't talked about it?”
“No. There isn't anything else to say, we said it all in the fight.”
Ashley seemed at a loss for words. He had some more tequila. I poured myself another as he spoke.
“Did he at least give you a reason for what he did?”
I scoffed. “Yeah. See, I made a deal with Ricky James. If he did his very best to get along and work with me and Ace and we won the contracts? I'd spend the night with him and he'd give me his contract. Tommy though...” I shook my head again. It still didn't make sense to me. “He said he didn't want me to go through with doing that, for him.”
“For him?”
“Well yeah, cause my point was so that we'd have two contracts between us instead of one. But it wasn't even really all about that. I wanted to make sure my team won, cause I wanted to fucking win something on my own! But no... Tommy couldn't let me-” I made finger quotes in the air. “-go through with the deal. You obviously know about our deal, why should it matter why I fuck someone, doesn't no exceptions mean no exceptions?”
Downing his drink, Ashley has a seat at a stool at the island. “You an Tommy really do know how to make anythin' more complicated than it needs t'be. Yer both only payin' attention to yer own motivations an' not listenin' t'each other.”
“Oh, so you know what Tommy's motivations are? Please explain it to me because I really don't fucking understand why he should care if I'm fucking a guy because I want to, or to get something out of it.”
“I dun know his thoughts specifically, we haven't talked. But I'm a guy, I can give it a good go.” I twirled my hand in the air, encouraging him to go on. “Well.... whether that agreement exists or not, no man wants to feel like his woman turned to another man for his sake, no matter the reason.”
“It was just business.”
“Right... like you an' me were supposed to be jus' keepin' me away from Charl.”
“Wait, what? What does me and you have to do with-”
“Y'think maybe Tommy's still upset about this all turned out and didn't want t'see a repeat with this Ricky bloke?”
I actually laughed. “That's ridiculous. He is not someone I would fuck for fun.”
“So yer sayin' I am? An' always was?”
“I.... yeah, we've been over this. Anyway, Tommy isn't mad about us anymore, he knows we're doing our thing and he hasn't tried to kick your ass. Has he?” Ashley shook his head no. “Okay, then that's not it.”
Ashley grabbed the tequila bottle and poured his own second. “Yer probably right. I just get this feelin' every now and then...”
“Don't. It's fine.” He nodded. “The fact this arrangement exists though should tell him what the problem is. He should know better than anyone how I am about feeling controlled or tied down in any way, especially by a man. This is why I'm not built for relationships, I don't know why I ever tried to be something I'm not...” I had some more liquor, trying to drown out the sudden memory of Jackson. That motherfucker had a bah habit of popping up in my thoughts unexpectedly. I knew even back then I wasn't made for normal relationships, and I ran away from that asshole who tried to push me into it. Why had I thought this would work out different? Just because Tommy isn't like that? Except he kind of is, isn't he? He controlled the way Trios progressed, by physically restraining me. He-
“Kandis?!”
I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at Ashley. “What?”
“I just asked you a question and y'seemed t'be in space.”
“Oh... sorry. I was just... what's the question?”
“Just that, if you think this mess is gonna split you and Tommy up?”
I immediately shook my head. “No. I mean, I hope not. I don't want that. It's just... he's always understood me, about everything else. I know I'm not normal, and he's accepted every part of that. I just need him to understand this, too.”
Ashley leaned on the counter towards me and grabbed my hand, stopping me from having another drink from my tequila glass. “No offense love, but how can he if you won't talk to him?”
“In case you haven't noticed, this is what I do. I hide from the problem until I figure out how to deal with it. I can't try to fix something if my own head isn't straight. I haven't talked to my fucking sister yet!” Yes, I was still avoiding Coral. She'd texted me a few times and I either ignored it, or told her I was too busy to meet up. I didn't know how to deal with her bullshit.
“What happened with Coral?”
Shit. I then realized that I hadn't told Ashley about what went on at the pool party while he and I were going at it in my studio. Apparently neither had Tommy.
“Um... just family shit. She's basically a lying manipulative bitch.” I noticed Ashley's hand was still on mine. I pulled it away and drank.
“Oh... sorry t'hear that. But, my comment stands. Nothing gets fixed by leaving it alone. Things tend t'get worse that way.”
“Yeah, I know that. I just need to sort out my own head before I can put anything into words that would do any good.”
“Y'could just tell 'im what y'just told me.”
“It's not that easy. You're not the one I'm mad at.”
“It is that easy though, y'just have to-”
“Can we just, not talk, anymore?” I didn't want to talk about this in the first place, and he knew it.
“Oh, I see. You didn't call for me advice, y'called for me attentions.”
“I told you when you walked in I didn't want to talk about this. I wanted to be distracted from it.”
“Was just tying t'help.”
“I know. Don't think I don't appreciate the advice, cause I do. Just next time could you maybe wait til I ask for it?”
Ashley smirked. “Okay. Deal. How about you ask me for what you wanted me here for in the first place, then?”
“I'm pretty sure you know damn well what I wanted.”
“I do... but I also want t'hear you say it.”
Now that was more like it. I smirked back, and leaned over on the counter. It was like a switch flipped and I could be myself. I ran my finger around the rim of my half-filled glass of tequila.
“I called you to come over here and fuck me.”
“Why dint y'just say so?” He smirked. I reached over and playfully smacked him in the face.
“You ass.”
“Part of me charm.”
We finished the tequila in our glasses, and I grabbed the bottle as I led him upstairs. I wasn't in the mood for the couch in my studio again so I opened the door to one of the guest rooms. As we walked in, I briefly wondered if this was the guest room Tommy and Coral had occupied – there are two. Before I had a chance to tell myself to stop it, Ashley grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, then kissed me. That ridiculous thought gone, I managed to push the door closed – just in case – then turned all of my attention to the man in front of me.
October 30
Santa Barbara
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Sometime after midnight, maybe closer to one AM, I woke Ashley up next to me and politely asked him to leave. I knew Tommy wasn't home yet cause I hadn't heard the door, and I didn't think it would be a good idea if Ashley was still here, in bed with me, when he came in. Ashley understood, and headed out. I had a shower and went back to bed, in me and Tommy's bed, rather than the guest room. I didn't bother making the bed in there, I didn't care if Tommy knew I had company, I just hadn't wanted him to walk in on it. The next time I woke up, it was from Tommy's phone ringing. I had no idea when he got in, and honestly I was surprised he was in bed with me. I heard bits and pieces of his conversation, before he told me he had to get to Ante Up for some issue that came up. I wasn't sure, I was half asleep. I vaguely remembered a 'love you' exchange, and as Tommy left I asked myself if that was just out of habit. I fell back asleep though and woke up about two hours later, to my phone ringing. I noticed it was just before noon, and that it was Nate calling.
“Hey bro...”
“Hey... don't tell me you were sleeping? You sound groggy.”
“I was sleeping. Had a late night.”
“Okay... no further details needed. Is everything okay over there?”
I sat up halfway. “I don't know what you mean.”
“Shit... you haven't seen it?”
“Seen what?!” I was getting annoyed. Obviously I had no idea what he was talking about.
“Fuck... I hate being the one to bring it to your attention. I thought both you and Tommy had to have-”
“Nate. What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Right. There's this article...”
“Fuck, are you talking about a dirt sheet? Since when doyou read that shit?”
“It's not one of those. It's some celebrity entertainment site, I didn't catch the name of it. And I wasn't reading it. Carla saw it. It upset her so she showed it to me. There's a picture of Tommy with a blonde at a bar that's not his. The article makes it sound like him and her are messing around and him and you are on the outs.” Carla was Nate's foster daughter, she's sixteen now I think. She became a part of Nate's life through me – she and I shared a foster father who liked to rape the girls he was meant to take care of. I helped Carla and the state put him in jail. She and I have had a weird bond since. It's touching that she's worried about me and Tommy.
“Well he woke up in bed with me, so...” I sighed. “Let me look this up then.” It must sound bad if Nate bought into the bullshit. I assumed the bar was where Tommy went last night, and the blonde was someone he spoke to for two minutes, long enough for an idiot with a camera to get a pic and write some bad fan fic. I grabbed my tablet from the nightstand and did a google search on Tommy's name. It was the first result. I clicked on the link, saw the dark picture.... and laughed. Maybe most people wouldn't be able to tell who the blonde was because it was a profile shot that barely showed any of her face, but I recognized her. Bella.
“Oh for fucks sake! Nate... really, don't worry about this.”
“You're laughing. Why are you laughing?”
“I know that girl. She's one of our students at the academy.”
I heard Nate sigh in relief. “Oh. Okay. So there's nothing going on at all then. Good. Carla was concerned.”
“Stop it, you were concerned.” I purposely ignored the 'nothing going on' statement, because one... I wasn't sure if there was something yet. And two, Nate didn't need to know about our deal. He wouldn't get it.
“Only because she was.”
“You're adorable bro.” I laughed some more.
“I take it things are okay between you and Tommy then?”
“Why wouldn't it be?”
“I saw Breakdown.”
“Oh....” There was silence. “Since when do you watch my shows?”
“Carla wanted to watch the tournament.”
“Great. That's great.” The sarcasm was deafening.
“Not so good then?”
“It's... rough. But we'll figure it out. It'll be fine.”
“You don't sound very convinced.”
Dammit. Nate knows me too well. “I'm not. I'm just hopeful.”
“That's a good sign. You have every reason to be upset, if you're hopeful you'll get through it, then I believe you will.”
“Thanks. About this stupid article though, don't even worry about that. Tell Carla the girl is our friend, it's not a big deal. The internet just likes to make shit up.”
“I'll do that.”
“Why didn't she ask me herself?”
“She didn't want to seem like she was bothering you, especially if the article was right.”
“You tell that kid she is never a bother.”
“I sure will. Well.. with that settled, I actually had something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Are you going to ask me more awkward questions?”
Nate laughed. “No, this is actually something cool. You remember SRS Pictures, right?”
“The indie studio Dad worked for off and on?”
“That's the one. He's been doing stuff for them again, and-”
“I thought he retired?”
“He did, technically. They brought him in under an advisor role. Anyway, SRS is in pre-production for this art movie. It's about this guy who comes out of nowhere on the art scene in New York and impresses everyone with this sculpture. It gets shown at all these art shows, and everyone and their agent are trying to buy it, it becomes a bidding war, that kind of thing. Obviously there's a deeper story they haven't revealed yet. Point being... SRS needs an art piece for the film. So, they're running a contest. It's technically open to anyone, but they're not really advertising it, so you have to know someone involved to get in. Dad's entering a piece, and he talked me into doing one. We both think you should enter, too.”
I sat straight up, swinging my feet out of the bed to the floor. “Wait. It's a contest to have your piece featured in this movie?”
“That's right. Winner gets a cash prize, I don't know how much. The piece as the focal point of the film, and credited as the artist. Only catch is, you give up your rights to the piece.”
“For that kind of exposure, who cares?”
“That's what I thought. And why I think you'd be perfect for it. And you know... it does sound like you could use an outlet for whatever you're dealing with.”
“I'm in.”
“I know you know this but art... wait. You'll do it?”
“Fuck yeah I'll do it, it sounds amazing!” I've never really cared for Hollywood as a whole, but this was an opportunity to be recognized for something on my own merits and talents.
“I really thought I'd have to try harder to convince you.”
“When is the deadline?”
“Um... a few weeks, I don't remember exactly. I'll ask Dad and get back to you.”
“Are there any parameters for the piece?”
“Just dimension limits. I'll get that from Dad, too.”
“Sounds good. Nate... thanks for telling me about this. You're right, this is exactly what I need right now.”
“I can't wait to see what you come up with.”
“I bet it'll be better than yours.”
Nate laughed. “No doubt about that. There's a reason I build sets and not props. I'm just doing it for fun. You? You could win this.”
“We'll see. I need an idea first.”
“Better get to work then. Speaking of... I gotta run. Need to be at the soundstage I'm working on this month in an hour.”
We said our goodbyes and after getting some coffee and toast, I went into my studio and shut the door. I had no idea how long Tommy would be at Ante Up, nor did I care. Now that I knew about this article, and that Bella was in the picture, I assumed that's what he rushed over there for. Well, he's a big boy, he can take care of himself. Me? I had something else to focus on. I meant what I said to Nate, this was exactly what I needed. A reason to work in here a lot, an outlet for the shit in my head, and a distraction all wrapped up in one.
I pulled out the sketch pad I had been doodling in the day before, before I had the idea to invite Ashley over. Flipping through the scribbles, I knew none of them would work. I flipped to a fresh page, and started scratching away.
The rest of the week until Under Attack was quiet. I spent a lot of time working in my studio trying to come up with the right idea for the contest piece. Tommy spent a lot of time at Ante Up training for the Trios finals. When we were together, either at Ante Up or home for dinner, we didn't really speak much other than what was necessary. Tommy tried to start a real conversation a handful of times, but I wasn't having it. I wasn't ready. I didn't know what to say, so I put it off. “Not now.” Or “Not yet.” I could tell he was frustrated, and honestly so was I, but I can't make my brain work differently. One night I stayed up late in my studio drawing and playing with some clay, to get the feel back. I had been doing just paint on canvas for months now and I had to get back into practice. By the time I realized how late it was, I didn't want to wake Tommy up going to bed, so I crashed on my couch. I then realized hey, this was a good excuse to keep avoiding him trying to get me to talk. So I crashed in my studio a few nights in a row. One night, I don't remember which, Tommy left after dinner, saying he was going to meet up with a friend. I didn't care, and I slept in my studio anyway. Tommy didn't get back til the next morning, I was up and making coffee. Neither of us said anything about where he'd been, but I had a pretty good idea of who the friend was. Can't really say I blamed him, and I didn't care.
November 6
Orlando
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Under Attack was in Orlando, across the country from us. So we flew to Florida on the Saturday, arriving in the early evening. We'd booked one room as usual, we were both aware of the internet article and even though we hadn't really talked about it, we both sort of agreed that it was better that way to avoid any further speculation in the media. Different sites had picked up the one story with the picture and all of them were trying to paint this picture of me and Tommy as a troubled pair on the verge of splitting up. What really bothered me was how even though they had the details wrong, the general idea wasn't far off the mark. Did I want that to happen? Of course not. But I couldn't see a way through the shitpile.
That said, the last thing I wanted to do was spend the night in a hotel room with Tommy, where he would no doubt try to start that conversation again, and I still wasn't ready for it. So, I called a friend, who I knew had come to Orlando a day early as well. I stood in front of a hotel room door, located two floors above me and Tommy's room. I knew what was likely to happen once I walked through it, and that it would change more than a few dynamics, not only personally between me and Tommy, but professionally too, as far as the Jackals were concerned. Yet, I knocked on the door anyway. It would be worth it.
The door opened, and Drake smiled on seeing me. He was dressed in black jeans, a dark gray t-shirt, and barefoot.
“Kandis, come in.”
I walked into his hotel room, and looked around. There was only one suitcase.
“You're here alone?”
“Yes.”
“Min isn't here yet?”
“No. She had business to attend to in the Everglades. She is arriving tomorrow morning. Even if she were here, we do not share hotel rooms.”
I walked further in, giving Drake a raised eyebrow. “You don't?”
“No. There are many things we haven't shared in several months.”
“Oh. Wait.... really?” It took me a second to pick up his meaning.
“Indeed. We could not come to an agreement concerning Raab, so I removed myself from the equation.”
“And you didn't think to mention this to me when I told you about me and Tommy's deal?”
“We were discussing you, you were distressed about Trios. I didn't want to come across as taking advantage. Time and place, you see.”
“Didn't stop you from admitting you were still interested.” I smirked as I sat on the end of the bed. I leaned back on my arms, with my legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. I even kicked off my shoes. Yes, I was showing myself off.
“It seemed to be a concern of yours. I was simply giving reassurance.”
“It worked, here I am. Time and place, right?”
Drake looked me up and down, and leaned on the dresser across from me. “You think this is the proper time and place?” I just smirked again. “Is this wise, considering your current troubles with Tommy?” When I called Drake earlier, he'd asked how Tommy and I were handling what happened at Breakdown. I told him things were tense. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
“This... has nothing to do with that.” I lied. “I made my intentions clear before any of this mess really got going.”
“I find it hard to believe you can separate the two in your mind. You are a reactionary woman.”
This was another one of those things where I like that a person knows me so well, yet also hate that they know me so well. I glanced sideways for a moment, then back up.
“Okay, maybe it is a little bit. But I didn't come here to talk to you about Tommy.”
“Indulge me one question.”
I sighed, but then had an idea. I had my own curiosities. “Fine. But then I get to ask you one, too.”
“Deal. My question is.... would you be here right now if there was no tension between you and Tommy?”
“Probably.” That wasn't a lie. “I've wanted to spend another night with you pretty much immediately since the first. We both know that for a long time, that wasn't an option. Didn't stop me from wanting you, though. Now it is an option... and since you confirmed you still wanted me too, I've been trying to figure out a when and where, since we really only see each other on the road. Then this bullshit happened, and... the fact you'll help get my mind off it is a bonus.”
Drake nodded, still looking me up and down. “I appreciate your honesty. I still feel you are holding something back.”
“Like what?”
“Like... why? Why now, specifically?”
“Hey, you said one question.”
“Consider it a follow-up.”
I knew he wasn't going to let it go, no matter how many questions he asked. I don't think anyone else could have gotten the truth out of me. “I need to feel like I'm still in control of myself.”
“After Breakdown?” I nodded. “That's what I wanted to hear, the whole truth. I can relate.”
“You can?” Drake nodded in return. “Wait... is it because of Minerva?” He hesitated, looking down. “That's my question. Well, part of it. Why did you really pull yourself away from her?”
“Same reason as yours.” Drake looked back up at me, “I had to take control of myself. I could no longer stand by and watch while she made a spectacle of herself with Raab. Doing so made me no better than him. She refused to give up her control over him, so, as I said, I removed myself from the equation.”
“Months ago?” He nodded. I knew him well enough to know that there hadn't been anyone else, I didn't have to ask. “Well, it's not like you don't have experience in going without for a long time. I think I'd throw myself off a cliff after two weeks.” It had already been a week since Ashley made a house call and I was getting antsy.
“I admit, it hasn't been as easy to suppress as it used to be.”
I smirked. “You're out of practice.”
“That's one way of putting it.”
“This definitely explains you losing your temper more easily at Raab in the last few weeks.” Drake glared, with a growl of irritation. “It seems to me like there's a solution to both of our... frustration. While I do really enjoy these conversations with you, I repeat... I didn't ask to see you to talk.”
Drake pushed off the dresser and walked up to me. I sat up, and he cupped my face with both hands, under the jawline, almost holding my throat instead of my head. We looked at each other a few seconds, then he leaned in and kissed me, deep. Just as I reached up to pull him down to me, he broke away.
“I have to ask-”
“Goddammit, Drake!” I felt ready to explode.
“I'm sorry. But I need to know.” I closed my eyes, waiting for the question. “Does he know you came to me?”
There was no doubt who he was talking about. I opened my eyes and looked straight into his.
“I told him I was meeting a friend. He's not stupid, I'm sure he knows I meant you.”
“The last thing I want to do is cause you any further problems.”
“Listen to me, okay? I told you the deal. I'm free to see anyone I want. Anyone. That means I'm free to see you... to do anything I want with you.”
Drake kissed me again, then looked at me with a smirk. “Am I also free to do anything I want with you?”
“Anything.”
Finally, Drake had no more questions. He kissed me again, this time pushing me back onto the bed. I started to push myself up, so my legs wouldn't be hanging off, but Drake stopped me. He then pulled my jeans off and tossed them aside. I wasn't wearing underwear, so there was nothing in the way as he covered my cunt with his mouth. I gasped as I felt tongue.
“You learned... some skills....”
“Indeed I did.” He spoke with his lips still touching me, the vibration was insanely hot. He put his tongue back to work, sliding his hands up under my ass. It only took about fifteen seconds of this attention before I came. Drake raised his head, with an amused grin.
“You weren't exaggerating, you truly have wanted me badly.”
“You have no idea.” I could feel myself trembling from want. Need. I pulled my top off and threw it aside. Drake looked me up and down again and I knew my statement was wrong.
“Actually, I do.” He pulled his shirt off, and as he got rid of his black jeans, I pushed myself up further in the bed, my legs no longer hanging off the edge. Drake then climbed up on the bed, and bent my legs up, my feet on the mattress, as he positioned himself in between. Grabbing me under the thighs and without another word, he buried himself in me. I expected fast and hard, but that's not what I was given. Instead, slow and steady, almost methodical. I almost nudged him to go harder, but realized this was what I actually needed. Not to rush through something I had wanted for over a year, but to feel every movement, savor it. Gradually, the slow and steady pace picked up speed, Drake's grip on my thighs tightened, then the hard fucking I had first expected came. About a minute later, so did we. At almost the same time, judging by the moment his grunts matched my moaning.
A few seconds after finishing, Drake pulled himself out of and away from me, and laid next to me. I turned my head to look at him, his face and chest were as flushed as mine felt.
“Worth the wait?”
“Absolutely. But... can we not wait so long for next time?”
“I hadn't intended on it.” He brushed a piece of hair out of my face, then kissed me before laying back to catch his breath. I put one arm under my head, getting comfortable to let my own breath recover. I closed my eyes, and as I listened to both mine and Drake's breathing return to normal, realized two things. One... now that I had this out of my system for the time being, I couldn't put off the talk Tommy had been trying to have with me any further. Drake's questioning and my answer, about having control of myself, made something click. Avoiding the issue wasn't taking control. Telling Tommy how I felt without yelling? That was control. And it needed to happen.
The second thing? If this thing between me and Drake continued past that night... it could be way more dangerous than anything that had happened with Ashley.