Breakdown 12-16-20
Well, the rest of the European trip was a pile of shit, professionally speaking. Seems like Tommy and I can't buy a fucking win, we've totally fucked up the Tag League, despite being three time tag champions. It's not even just me, Tommy had a chance to get another shot at beating Bree Lancaster for that title, and couldn't get past the first round, a triple threat with Glory Braddock and Ravyn Taylor. Me? I've been completely overlooked other than being Tommy's tag partner, nevermind the fact I came this close to beating that bitch Peyton Rice in the Elimination Chamber after she and I went the distance. To make matters worse? Both Tommy and me were left off the Last Laugh card! We made sure our presence was felt, causing chaos in the Adrenaline Contendership battle royal... but it's not the same.
Personally though? Things were slightly better. The “Berlin Incident,” as I lovingly refer to our night at the Kit Kat Club, had seemed like a sort of reset button, at least for me. Yeah, it was fun fucking around with... whatever his name was, I can't even remember, but after Tommy told him to kick rocks, I had much more fun with him. After we got home, I decided Tommy and I needed to have a conversation, that I'd thought about since that night. I gone over it in my head the rest of the time we were in Europe, just to make sure I was sure. Once we were back in Santa Barbara at Tommy's- our- house? I was certain.
November 13th
Santa Barbara
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We'd gotten home the day before in the early afternoon, not long on the clock after we'd left London. Flying to the States from Europe was some kind of weird time travel, and it fucked with our bodies' sense of timing. We pretty much went straight to bed after getting our bags in, and woke up at something stupid like one AM Friday morning. We made something to eat, had 'welcome home' sex, and went back to bed. We woke up again hours later, around 11AM. Or more specifically, I woke up, and when I moved Tommy's arm off me so I could get up, he woke up.
“Hey beautiful.”
“Hey... didn't mean to wake you.”
“I'm not complaining.”
“You never do.” I gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Be right back.” I got up – naked, cause that's how I sleep – and went to the bathroom... the reason I woke up. Afterwards, I got back in bed and pulled the cover up over me, but sitting up. Tommy looked up at me.
“What, no round two?”
“Oh, there will be a round two. I just want to talk for a minute first. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, of course. About what?” Tommy propped himself up on his arm to see me better.
“Well... Berlin. The Kit Kat.”
“I thought you liked that club.”
“I did! It was fucking amazing.”
“Emphasis on fucking?” Tommy smirked.
“Yeah... exactly. So, the whole thing got me thinking...”
“Wait, what whole thing?”
I sighed rough. “Like... how you wanted me to find a random guy, and I told you to do the same thing, and then I did, but then you-”
“Oh, you meant literally the whole thing.”
“Yeah. But especially the end of the night, when we ended up just fucking the sweat out of each other. That was the best part.” I smirked.
“Not gonna argue that.” He grinned.
“So... and I've had this on my mind pretty much ever since that night, so it's not just a thing I just came up with or whatever, I'm actually serious about it. I don't want to fuck around anymore. I want just you.”
Tommy sat up, looking at me surprised. “What?”
“Yeah. All the extra stuff, other people... it's just not fun anymore. No one measures up to you.”
“As flattering that is... are you really sure? You're giving up a big part of who you are.”
“I don't really feel like I am. I love you, and that's enough.” The me of earlier this year would have cringed at how easily those words came out of my mouth. Tommy smiled, but I kept talking before he could say anything. “If you want to go do whatever if an opportunity comes up, I'm still okay with that. I just don't want to myself.”
Tommy leaned forward and kissed me. “I love you, too. And I'm certainly not going to complain about this decision of yours, I just want you to be sure about it.”
“I am.”
“If you change your mind-”
“I don't think I will.” I mean, unless I somehow have a chance to spend another night with Drake Hemingway, but I wasn't stupid enough to say that, and anyway it's highly unlikely, the man has a woman these days.
“Okay.”
I smiled and kissed him again. “Two things, though. If some situation comes up where my... particular skills, are needed for some reason, I'd be willing to play ball.”
“Noted. And the other thing?”
“Right...” I was worried Tommy might object to this one, cause it could technically fit under the first caveat. “It also means I'm done playing around with Ashley.”
Tommy looked at me a second or two, then nodded. “Okay.”
“That's it? Just okay?”
“Yeah. If you're not comfortable with it anymore I'm not gonna push it.”
“I'm really not. He keeps bringing it up, and I think maybe the whole thing worked too well.”
“You still think he's stuck on you?”
“Pretty sure. But, I think I can use that, without fucking him again. Like... string him along a little bit until I can turn his attention elsewhere.”
“Like where?”
“Sydney.” I smirked. Tommy nodded.
“That might actually work now, since that asshole dumped her.”
“That's what I was thinking. She seems to like him. Thought her eyes weer gonna fall out that one day at the gym before we went to Europe.”
“Should be rather easy then.”
“As long as I can get him to talk to her instead of eyeing me.”
Tommy looked me up and down, then grinned. “Well, there is a resemblance....”
I laughed. “Little bit.”
He gave me another up and down look, and tugged on the covers I was holding over myself.
“So... about that round two...”
“Okay...” I threw the covers off, but then hopped up out of bed, just as he was reaching for me. “After breakfast, I'm starving!”
Tommy reached over from the bed and managed to smack my ass before I got out of the way. I laughed, and grabbed my robe. I could make eggs in a robe.
“Fine! We'll need the energy.”
I laughed. Tommy got up too and pulled pajama pants on before following me to the kitchen.
November 17th
Santa Barbara
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It was Tuesday night, Tommy and I were at the Starmaker. We had Breakdown the next day in Miami but we planned to fly out early in the morning, so he could be at the club tonight and let Thomas have the night off for a date. I didn't really need to be there, it was usually slow during the week, but I hadn't felt like staying home by myself either. So Tommy was behind the bar, I was sitting in front of him on the customer side. Ashley was around, doing some minor cleaning and straightening up the stock room. There were a few customers, maybe a dozen or so. I was sipping a Coke, I didn't want to drink alcohol the night before flying. Tommy leaned on the bar in front of me.
“I gotta go take care of something in the office, think you can handle the bar if anyone needs anything til I get back?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks babe.”
I watched Tommy go down the hall to the side of the bar, that leads to the stock rooms and his office. I didn't think anyone would need anything while he was gone, but you never know. I heard the door, and turned to look out of habit. In walked Sydney. I smiled and waved her over. She smiled when she saw me, and headed over. Girl looked good in her skinny jeans and white sweater.
“Hey Syd, wasn't expecting to see you tonight.”
“Yeah, I was in the area for a new client and thought I'd swing by, I remembered you said you'd be here tonight. How's things?” Sydney sat at the bar next to me, and looked around a bit, as if looking for something. Or someone.
“Pretty good, decent business for a Tuesday. Oh, Tommy's in the back, do you want a drink? I'm covering for him for a few minutes.”
“Sure. Just a Coke. Long drive back to Hollywood.”
“Right.” I grinned and got up, went around the bar, and squirted Coke into a tall glass. “Here you go, doll.”
“Thanks. So um... is it just you and Tommy in here tonight?”
“Yeah, until nine anyway when the late night guy comes in.”
She looks oddly disappointed. “Oh... so Ashley isn't here?”
“Oh! Yeah, he is. He just doesn't usually work the bar, so I didn't think to mention him. He's messing around in the stock room.” Shit, I almost fucked that up.
“Do you think I could talk to him?”
“Sure! I'll go grab him for you.”
I glanced at the group of people around the pool tables, they didn't seem like they needed anything. I checked with the other two people at the bar before going down the hall.
Ashley was in the liquor room, the one where I'd made an idiot of myself and a mess on top of that a few months ago trying to make a move on him and only breaking a few bottles of rum in the process. The door was wide open, but I knocked anyway to not startle him. Ashley turned and gave me a grin.
“'Ey there. Need something?”
“Not really. Just a pretty lady at the bar asking for you.”
“Impossible, yer standin' right there.” He smirked.
“Smooth.... but I was talking about Sydney”
“Oh?”
“Mhmm. Pretty much said hi to me then asked if you were here in the same breath. I keep telling you she likes you.”
“So ya do.” He shoves a few bottles of tequila back on the shelf to make room, pointedly not looking at me.
“You really gonna leave her hanging like that?”
Ashley shrugs and turns back to me. “Dint mean to, just wanted to finish puttin' away this box.”
“Dude. You're stalling. Leave the damn box, it'll be fine til tomorrow. Go talk to her. Hang out... whatever.” I smirk.
“You dun think that'd be weird, me an' her? After... our thing?”
“Not at all. Not any weirder than you carrying on talking to Charlotte anyway.”
Ashley made a cringey face. I practically held my breath waiting for his response. It would tell me everything I needed to know about if everything I'd done in the last few months had really worked like Tommy wanted.
“Er, actually... I've kinda backed off callin' and talkin' to her as much.”
Oh my fuck. I did it! “Really? Did something happen?”
“Yeah!” He gestured between himself and me. Ha! “Too fucking weird, don't ya think? She's Tommy's daughter, he knows what me an' you did... he'd rip me nads off if I made a move on her!”
Oh, if he only knew. I pulled a face pretending to think. “Hmm. You might be right. Maybe it's for the best though, you weren't even sure if she was into you.”
“Yeah... there's that....” He glanced down, he seemed a little dejected about it.
“Bright side... I'm telling you dude, Sydney is into you.”
Ashley looked back up at me stunned. “We literally just talked about relations making things weird, she's yer cousin!”
“Yeah, so? I don't care. Listen, this girl uprooted herself from Florida to move here to be closer to me. Her cuntstain boyfriend dumped her because he didn't want to do long distance.”
“She told me, what an arse.”
“Exactly. She needs some fun. She likes you, I'm pretty sure you like her. I mean, I can read you pretty well at this point...”
Ashley nodded. “S'true...”
“I promise it's not weird at all. I want you to talk to her. Ask her out, take her home....” I smirked. Ashley gave me a sideways look. “I know you know how to have fun.” I smirked harder. Is that a thing? I say its a thing.
“Kandis....”
“You'd really be doing me a favor.” In more ways than he could know. Almost as if I had timed it, we heard Sydney laughing from the bar. I had no clue who she could have been talking to that made her crack up like that, but it put a grin on Ashley's face.
“Well... if you're sure it's fine....”
“More than sure.”
“Guess I shouldn't keep her waitin' then.”
Ashley walked out of the stock room. I followed him down the hall back to the bar. He walked over to Sydney as I went behind the bar, as one of the guys sitting at the other end waved me over. I looked over at Sydney and Ashley talking as I made the drink refill the man had asked for. They were both smiling. Sydney said something and Ashley laughed. I gave the man his drink and went back to my spot at the other end. I was trying hard not to watch the two talk and flirt but I couldn't help it. Everything worked out! I was so proud of myself. I was concentrating so hard on watching while trying to look like I wasn't that I didn't notice Tommy come behind the bar until he put his hand on my back. I jumped a bit and turns to him.
“Oh... hey.”
“What's going on over there?” He nodded his head towards Ashley and Sydney.
“I think your Ashley troubles are over. And mine too, for that matter.”
“How did you manage that?”
I told Tommy what Ashley told me in the stock room about Charlotte, how and why he'd sort of backed off a bit. He pulled me close and hugged me tight.
“You are fucking brilliant.”
I laughed, and pulled back enough to look at him. “Pretty sure all of this was your idea, babe.”
“No, my idea was using you to distract him from Char. It was your idea to nudge him to your cousin. That solved the secondary problem of him getting infatuated with you as an unexpected side effect of my grand plan. Don't think I didn't notice.”
“No shit, he isn't subtle. But, I don't think it's gonna be a problem anymore. Not for much longer anyway.”
We both looked over. Sydney and Ashley were both laughing, and he'd leaned in a little closer to her. She seemed perfectly comfortable with that. Tommy leaned closer to me and spoke quieter than before.
“Did it really bother you that much, that he seemed to be... getting attached?”
“Little bit, yeah. I mean, I like him and all, and like I said, it wasn't terrible. But... I don't know, I didn't like the dynamic.”
“I shouldn't have put you in that position, I'm sorry.”
“You had your reasons.”
“Yeah, but there had to be some other way to get the result I wanted.”
“Maybe. It doesn't matter now. But, tell you what. You can make it up to me by putting me into whatever position you want.... provided it's just you.”
Tommy pulled me close again. “Deal.”
He kissed me, and then we heard a knock on the bar. We broke apart and turned to the bar. Ashley was leaning on it, and Sydney was standing a few steps behind him, looking ready to go.
“Hey man, was wonderin' if it's alright if Ah head out? Most o'the stock was put up, Kandis said Ah could leave it til--”
“Yeah, sure thing. I'll leave a note for Thomas to take care of it tomorrow. Go have some fun.”
Ashley looked back and forth between me and Tommy, almost suspicious. But then he smiled.
“Thanks, see ya when yer back.”
I smiled, and Sydney gave me a wave with a sort of excited grin. I gave Ashley a wink, and he smirked at me before turning to meet Sydney and lead her out the door.
I turned to Tommy and smiled. He kissed me again. I really, really hoped that this was the end of all this.
November 23rd
West Hollywood
----------------------
I was not looking forward to this dinner.
Debbie and Ray knew about Gail. Carla. Whoever. I had told Nate not long after I found out, and of course he told them. I didn't mind, it saved me from having to do it. But it's been a few weeks now and my foster parents were pushing the idea of meeting her. Which made sense I guess, except for the fact I hadn't actually seen Gail again since the day we met at that diner and she told me her story. We'd spoken on the phone a handful of times, and I could tell she wanted to see me... I just wasn't sure I was ready for that. I had told Sydney it was worth a shot giving her a chance, but I'm terrible at actually following through. The way I grew up is the reason I have so much trouble letting people in, and Gail is the reason I grew up that way. You see the problem, right? But, as hard as it is for me to let people in, it's even harder for me to say no to Debbie.
So, there I was at the Williamson house, seated at the table having dinner with my foster parents and my birth mother.
Just the four of us, no Nate and his family, no Tommy. I had only agreed to do this under those conditions, I didn't want it to be any more awkward than necessary. I made introductions, Gail shook my parents' hands. I could see them looking back and forth between us, trying to find some kind of resemblance. I had tried myself. I had the pictures of her when she was younger that Corey had given me, the resemblance there was almost uncanny. But now that she's older, it's not as much. Her hair is gray now, but it's still thick. The wide hips she used to have, which I assume is where I got my figure from, has slimmed down. The most I can still see is our eyes and nose are shaped similarly. It's still unnerving to me to look at someone who looks like me, even a little bit.
Debbie had made lasagna, which was one of my favorite meals of hers when I was a teenager. As we ate, Gail told them the same story she told me, about how she met the real Gail McCarthy, her death, what she did with me, all of that. She even told them about my father, the rapist. If I hadn't heard the story already, I would have lost my appetite. I'm surprised Debbie didn't. When Gail was done, Debbie was near tears. I couldn't read Ray's expression, which is normal for him. He's always been very stoic.
“What an incredible story, I.... I can't even imagine having to make the decisions you had to make.”
“One can never imagine those kinds of things, but when you have to make a choice, you just do it. I did it without thinking. I had to save her.”
“Well, I am glad you did what you did.” I glared, not meaning to. Debbie saw, and tilted her head at me. “I know you had a hard time for a long time, Kandis. But you ended up here.” She smiled. I saw Ray nodding.
“Yeah, I did. I guess things turned out well in the end.”
Debbie smiled a little bigger, then turned back to Gail. “May I ask something?”
“Of course.”
“Well, now that the truth is out and you've reunited with your brother, and Kandis... isn't there some kind of way to, I don't know, reclaim your real name?”
Gail started shaking her head before Debbie finished the question. “Oh no. I don't think so. I quite literally stole someone else's identity. They looked up all of her information and gave it to me. Her social security number, her birth certificate. She'd never had a drivers license or state ID so there was no picture on record, and she had no family. That was a big reason why she was on the streets in the first place. There was no one or nothing to say I wasn't her. It's been over thirty years, there would be way too much red tape, and I'd probably go to jail.”
Ray shook hs head. “I don't think the authorities would go that far."
“Maybe not. But I have no reason to risk it. I'm content having my brother back, and getting to know his daughter.... and mine.” Gail smiled at me. I smiled back, I was starting to warm up to her and part of me hated it. She turned back to Debbie and Ray. “And I want you both to know that wouldn't dream of trying to impose on the relationship you all have, or take your place, or anything like that. I don't deserve that.... I can tell you're very close. I just hope there's room for me to at least be a small part of your family.”
“The room at this table isn't finite. This family is one of the least conventional ones I know." I saw Debbie nodding as Ray talked, almost as if what he was saying was something they'd already discussed. "We have a biological son who he and his wife are fostering a teenage girl they met through Kandis. Kandis herself is a woman we consider our daughter, she became part of our family as a teenager but she lived with us for four years, until she aged out of the foster care program. To us though? That just meant the state didn't pay us to care for her anymore. That didn't matter to us, still doesn't. She's our family. You gave birth to her, we wouldn't have her if not for you. So of course you're welcome in our family.”
Gail looked at Ray and I could see her eyes wet. I couldn't remember the last time I heard Ray say so much at once.
But everything he said went through my head like a brick.
He'd made everything I was mad at Gail about suddenly not matter anymore. It hit me that I'd spent so much energy focusing on everything terrible about my life that stemmed from what Gail did, that I didn't notice any of the good. I met Jennifer, she placed me with the Williamsons, who became my parents and my brother. They talked me into the kickboxing classes when I was fifteen or something like that, which eventually led me to wrestling, to SCW, to meeting Tommy. All of the shit was in the past. I had to let that go and concentrate on the present and everything I have now.
They kept talking, I didn't hear much of it, I was lost in my own thoughts. I guess I heard enough to reply properly to being spoken to, cause no one asked me what was wrong, but I can't remember anything after Ray's speech.
As Gail was leaving, I walked out after her.
“Hey, hang on a minute.”
She stopped on the porch and turned back to me. “Yes?”
I took a deep breath. “I think I owe you an apology.”
“You do?”
“Yeah... I was really shitty to you the day you told me everything. After that I brushed you off, I didn't want to talk or see you... I was a bitch. Because I was pissed. But-”
“You had every reason to be, you were lied to your whole life.”
“That's just it though, I wouldn't even be here if you hadn't done everything I was pissed about. I had everything all twisted around, I was mad at you for everything wrong that was done to me as a kid, things I've been angry about for my whole life. I never had anyone to direct that at, but then you were here. You were a target, because I always thought you were dead and you're not. It was easy to lash out at you, blame you for all the bullshit.”
Gail was nodding. “That's why I don't blame you, you have-”
“But I was wrong, okay? I'm here because of you. The people who treated me like shit and did me wrong aren't your fault. That was the fault of a shitty system and bad people. I was acting like you finding a way to let me live damned me to a shit life, ruined me before I had a chance. But the reality is... I ruined your life.”
“Kandis-”
“I did! You had to give up literally everything because of me, even who you are. I don't know if I could ever do that for anyone.”
“If you loved them enough... you could.”
It sounds cheesy as shit but I don't think I ever understood real love until that moment. I knew Debbie and Ray loved me, but it's not the same. As the weight of it hit me I broke into tears. Gail stepped up and hugged me. I hugged her back like I've never hugged anyone in my life. She rubbed my back in that comforting way parents do to their children. Debbie had done it to me many times when I was a teenager, but again... it's not the same. As I clung to her and cried, the thought entered my mind how I'd told Tommy I didn't want to play around anymore, that I just wanted him. Maybe I was capable of giving up something I thought was a part of me for someone, after all. If I loved them enough.
ON CAMERA
Well, well, well..... ain't this some shit?!
All the trash these two tricks talked since they won the Tag Titles... Regan Street and Selena Frost, self-crowned Queens of SCW, took the titles from me and Tommy, Selena denied me the United States Championship, Regan got her beloved and sought after Supreme Champion status.... these two walked around like their asses smelled like rose gardens.... and look at them now!
Selena got her ass kicked by Xander Valentine and lost the United States Championship. And at Last Laugh.... all the trash talk and bravado in the world couldn't stop these two from losing the Tag Titles to Chris Cannon and Lucas Knight.
Goddamn you bitches, you couldn't even keep your gold-digging grips on the straps until Tommy and I had a chance to take them back! If I didn't know you any better, I'd swear you lost on purpose just to spite us! But that's not what happened, cause there's no way on this forsaken planet that Selena Frost would willingly let go of a championship. So I guess that means the two of you just got beat.
Please excuse me while I laugh hysterically.
------
Okay, I'm back. Now.... here we have a Tag League match where we could have had one hell of a rematch, fought tooth and nail and sweat and blood over those titles, one more fucking time! But, thanks to your own hubris or complacency or some shit that allowed you to get beat, now all we're gonna have is a brawl. Like Tommy said.... we have absolutely nothing to lose here. Frozen Hell are still in the game if you look at the points, keep your totals up and you could get a chance to get your titles back. Us though?
We're fucked.
I'm not gonna throw blame around or try to make excuses, none of that shit matters here. All that matter is... we're pissed, and everyone is gonna fucking know it!
You can call us petty if you want, claim we're acting like petulant children, I don't give a fuck. Maybe we are. But maybe we don't care. No one has given one half of a percent of a fuck about us since we lost the Tag Titles, despite the fact that Tommy came this close to being the World Champion, and I was just as close to winning that Elimination Chamber. Oh, but because we didn't, we don't matter?
We deserve to be overlooked?
Left off the fucking Pay Per View card?
I don't fucking think so!
We made sure everyone in SCW remembered we're here when we turned that battle royal into chaos. Go ask Aaron Blackbourne, Polly Playtime, and Asher Hayes, specifically. Asher, dude.... I know we had some fun in the past, but don't take what we did to you personally, okay? It's just that you were the closest body in the way and we needed to make a statement. It's not like you suffered too much at our hands anyway, you still won the fucking thing. You should probably actually thank us for giving you a reason to take a break on the outside, giving you the chance to recover and re-enter the match at the last minute for the stunning victory.
To borrow the phrase of the current World Champion... you're welcome.
But Breakdown isn't about Asher, is it? As much as he would like it to be, no. For us, it's about this tag match. The Tag League, and doing everything we can to fuck everything up for everyone else! We might not be able to stop you from racking up more points, we might not get the win... but we actually don't give a fuck. We can't win this thing so all bets are off, tricks. I suggest you protect your joints, your eyes, and especially your head. Nothing would make me feel better like planting a knee into either one of your skulls and making you see stars. You remember that, right Regs? Maybe I'll give Selena the honors this time, so you'll have one more thing you can share.... both having been knocked the fuck out by a Starmaker.
This is what you get for fucking up and losing the titles before we could fight you for them. Instead of a competitive match that would steal the show.... you're gonna get every motherfucking thing we can throw at you... legal or not.... injury inducing or not. In fact, that would be a plus. Maybe next time you'll think better about prancing around like the greatest thing SCW has ever seen, then you won't look like fools when you fail in spectacular fashion.
Tommy and me though?
We can't fail. Not when our goal tomorrow night isn't to win. All we want to do is remind everyone what we're capable of. A win and two points mean little in the way of making that statement. You can have the fucking points.
We'll just take your heads off instead.