Breakdown 2-4-21
January 10th
Los Angeles
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By the time Sunday after the Breakdown where Peyton Rice got in my face rolled around, I had mostly calmed down. I made sure to keep a nugget of anger in the back of my mind, but Tommy had a point too... I needed to keep work at work. So when Gail called me to meet with her for “coffee or something”, I admit I hesitated at first, but agreed when she said she asked Sydney to come, too. I didn't think I was ready to sit with her alone yet, I didn't trust myself to not get petty or say something stupid, even though rationally I understood everything about why she did what she did. It's hard to make my inner child shut up and stop screaming, though.
Sydney and I parked at the same time in the parking lot of the coffee shop Gail had asked us to meet her at. It's a locally owned place called Mocha Rose's. I'd never been there, but it's not far from the shelter where Gail works, she was familiar with it and said they were good. I didn't care, coffee is coffee is coffee to me. It's hot and has caffeine, I'm not one of those coffee snob 'basic white girl' bitches. Sydney though.... she showed up wearing Uggs. I can't make this up.
We walked in and saw Gail at a table in the back corner. She smiled and waved us over. After saying hi and all that polite shit, we ordered drinks. Both Sydney and Gail got some fancy shit I can't even remember. Me? Plain coffee, large. Cream and sugar were on the table.
“I'm so glad you both came. I thought it might have been a little awkward now that Corey has gone home.”
Uncle Corey went back to Florida right after Christmas. He wanted to stay longer but work needed him. I hate to admit that I don't remember what he does. Some kind of contracting or something. I'd have to ask Sydney later.
“Not at all! I talked to him last night, he said to tell you hi and he'll call when he can. He plans to come back sometime in the summer, too.”
Gail smiled. “I'm looking forward to that.”
“Yep, not awkward at all.” Sydney kicked me under the table. I guess I didn't hide that very well. Gail didn't seem to notice though.
“Good. So, tell me. How is work treating the both of you?”
Sydney glanced at me, I gave her a nod – she could answer first. She smiled and turned back to Gail.
“For me, great! I actually just got promoted, instead of just an esthetician tech at the studio, I'm now the Lead Tech, which is basically like the manager.”
“That's wonderful!”
“Hell yeah, Syd! When did that happen?”
“Last week. I technically haven't started the position yet, that's tomorrow. But I'll be keeping most of m clients, while making schedules for the other four techs and handling any client issues that come up. And this is Hollywood, there's always issues.”
“So, actresses are just as divalicious as they say?”
“Girl, its the actors that complain the most.” My eyes went wide. “Yes! Men have facials, too! All these HD and 4K cameras? No one wants their elementary school fight scars to show up on screen. Or acne scars. Or wrinkles...” She laughed.
We were briefly interrupted by being served our drinks. I added my cream and sugar while continuing the conversation.
“I guess that makes sense. It's kinda like why so many women in wrestling wear makeup like cake batter.”
“Exactly!”
“Well, I've watched your wrestling show a few times to see you, Kandis, and I think you look beautiful on TV.”
I forced a smile. I get that Gail was trying to be nice, but it just felt like trying to force a relationship. “Thanks...”
“So how is your work going, then?”
“Pretty shitty, actually. Tommy and me can't seem to buy a win for the last few weeks, so we had to cause trouble to get matches on the pay per view in two weeks.”
“Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. Are they good matches at least?”
“Well, mine is against a woman I've had heat with for a few years. And Tommy's is against a guy who... let's just say he's annoying and thinks more of himself than he is. So, yeah, I'd say it's good. We just have to actually win this time.”
“Can you?”
I gave her a sort of sideways look and almost scoffed, but then I remembered that Gail knows fuck all about wrestling, or fighting in general. So I made myself calm down.
“I haven't beat her before. But I think I can now. Tommy can definitely win his.”
Gail smiled. “Good. I hope you both get those wins.”
“Thanks.”
“I'll be watching the show, Aunt Gail... do you want to watch with me?”
It was so weird to hear Sydney call her that.... considering I knew that Gail wasn't actually her name, and Sydney had grown up hearing stories about “missing Aunt Carla.” It was so foreign to me how she'd almost immediately accepted not only the fact that her long lost aunt was alive, but that she went by a different name now. I wish it could be that easy for me.
“I don't know... can I get back to you on that?” Gail suddenly started to look uncomfortable.
“Sure!”
Gail took a long sip of her froo-froo coffee drink, and sat back in the booth a little. She had that uncomfortable look again.
“Well, now that we're all caught up, I have to tell both of you that there is a bigger reason I wanted to get together today.”
Sydney and I glanced at each other. She seemed curious. Me? Suspicious.
“What reason is that?”
Gail took a deep breath. She almost seemed scared. “I have something to tell you. Both of you. I've already told Corey about it, and he's.... nudged me, into telling you girls. I knew I needed to eventually, I just wasn't sure how you would react.” She then looked directly at me. “Especially you, Kandis.”
“Why me?”
“Well... the best way to explain that is to just tell you. I have another child... a daughter. She-”
I sat up straight and leaned on the table. “Hold up. You're telling me I have a sister?”
Gail nodded. “Yes. She's twenty-seven, her name is Coral.”
“Coral.”
Gail nodded again, with a hint of a smile.I sat back again and just stared at her. I saw out of the corner of my eye that Sydney was smiling. Of course she was, this was just another cousin to her.
First I find out my mother isn't dead. Now I have a sister? A fucking sister.
Gail must have taken my silence as an invitation to keep talking. I just didn't know how to respond.
“I recently told her about you-”
“Recently? How recently?”
“Um... two weeks ago, or so.”
“Yeah? And how did she react?”
I felt Sydney nudge me again. I kicked her back. I wanted Gail to know I was pissed!
“To be quite honest, she was absolutely livid." I nodded, of course she was. “At first. After I explained further, like I did with you... she calmed down. She wants to meet you.”
“Oh, does she?” Gail nodded, the smile bigger. “I have questions.”
“Alright.”
I hesitated. The thoughts in my head, I didn't want to actually spit out. It was like my head and my heart were arguing. I had suddenly reverted to a twelve year old and felt like Gail had just gone off and had another kid to replace me, have one she could actually keep since she couldn't keep me. My adult brain knows that's irrational but I can't help how it feels. I forced that away though, and said the second thing that came to mind instead.
“Why didn't you tell me about her before? Like... a year ago, before I knew you were my mother, when I thought you were just her friend before she died?”
“It was never relevant then. And now....” She sighed. “As I said, I was afraid of how you would react. I didn't want you to feel like she only existed to replace you.”
I couldn't stop the harsh laugh from erupting from my throat. “Really? Cause that's kinda what I'm thinking right now.”
“Kandis....”
I spun to Sydney. “No. Shut up. This is between me and her!” I hated being rude to Sydney but I wasn't about to have any of her Devil's advocate bullshit. She looked at me wide eyed and nodded. I turned back to Gail. She looked upset. Good.
“I should explain further.”
“This should be good.”
Gail took another deep breath. Everyone's coffee's were forgotten and cold. “I met Coral's father working at the shelter. We were friends, who had a sort of casual.... side benefits thing going on.” Oh, so I get that from her, huh? This just gets better and better. “When I got pregnant, we tried to make a serious go of it. I moved into his place. We had issues, but we worked at it, we even talked about getting married. But by the time Coral was a year old, we realized it just wasn't going to work after all. He helped me get a place for us, paid the deposits and things. After Coral and I were settled into the apartment, he moved out of state. Washington, I think. He'd call and write, and came visit a few times a year. But the contact lessened over the years and by the time Coral was about seven, he'd stopped contacting us altogether. Wouldn't return my calls, until finally the number I had came back disconnected. I haven't heard from him since.”
“That must have been really terrible for you.” Sarcasm dripped from every syllable. I could see in Gail's face that she picked up every drop. To her credit, she ignored my tone and kept on.
“Coral hates him. She even had her last name changed from his to mine when she was twelve.”
“See, that I can relate to. I hate my name, too.”
That finally got a reaction from Gail, she sighed in irritation. “I know. I'm sorry for that.” She waited a few seconds, maybe expecting a response from me. I just stared at her. She shook her head a little and continued. “Anyway... she wasn't born to take your place. She was unexpected, but I will say that I was, and still am, grateful that I was in a much better position then and was able to take care of her. The way I wished I could have done for you.”
“Did you tell her that? When you told her about me?”
“I told her everything. Where I'm from, your father, why I came here.”
“Your name?”
Gail nodded. “Yes, that, too. That's what upset her the most. She felt like her whole life was a lie.”
“I'll be damned, something else I can relate to.”
Gail ignored that, but I could tell it bothered her. I probably should have felt bad, and looking back on the day, I kinda do now, but at the time I didn't give a fuck.
“After she calmed down, she told me it now made sense to her why I didn't talk much about the time I was homeless. She knew about it, but not many details.”
“I see. So is this a thing you do? Just keep vitally important information from people you allegedly care about, until it's convenient for you to come clean, or the truth comes out some other way?”
“You're upset.”
“Oh, you fucking think?!” My raised voice turned heads in the cafe. I didn't care. “Do you have any other deep secrets to tell me? Did you, I don't know... murder an ex-husband, or have some kind of terminal disease? Are you secretly rich now? Anything?”
Gail shook her head. “Nothing else. You know everything important now. I doubt you'll care about a string of failed relationships that-”
“You're right, I don't.”
“I am sorry, okay? I should have told you about Coral almost as soon as you found out who I really am. You have to understand though that I've been keeping so much to myself about my past for so long that it's just become normal. It's hard to let people in.”
This woman, my mother, had this way of diffusing me every time I was pissed at her, by saying something I could relate to. I hadn't decided yet if that was a good or bad thing.
“Yeah... it sure fucking is.”
Gail grabbed a napkin and wiped at her eyes. It hit me how so much of my life's problems came from her life's problems, despite the fact I didn't even know her at all until a year or so ago and I didn't know she was my mother until a few weeks ago. What was that bullshit they talked about in high school, nature versus nurture? We'd be a good case study for that shit, I'd bet.
“So... now that Coral knows about you, she really wants to meet you. I would like that very much.”
“I'm gonna have to get back to you on that. I have to go.”
I stood up and pulled some cash out of my pocket to cover my undrank coffee. Tossing it on the table, I walked off. I could hear Sydney saying something to Gail, her tone sounded comforting. I didn't care.
I had to get out of there.
I got in my car and drove to Nate's. It was early afternoon and I wasn't even sure if he would be home, I didn't know what his work schedule was like these days. I told myself that if he wasn't there, I would wait there until he was. I had a key, I could let myself in. But, I didn't have to worry... his truck was in the driveway. I parked crooked behind him and ran to the door, the started banging on it. Seconds later, my brother opened the door.
“Kandis? You look.... are you okay?”
“Fuck no. I need about five beers. And my brother.”
“Um... okay.” He let me in and I sat on the couch and he went to the kitchen. When he came back, he had a beer for each of us.
“I don't usually drink this early, but if whatever has you upset makes you need one, I have a feeling I will, too.” He cracked them both open and handed me one.
“I just left from meeting with Gail.”
“Your mother.”
“Yeah. She has another kid. I have a sister.”
Nate looked at me wide eyed. I nodded. He shook his head, then took a big drink from his beer. Fucking right. I downed half of mine in one go.
A fucking sister.
ON CAMERA
I'll be fucking damned.
For all that shit-talk, all the getting in my face, looking down that pert little nose at me... Peyton Rice just up and walked away from a fight!
How about that, the same fucking thing she rode my ass for, and yet I can already tell she's gonna get her ass kissed for it, cause she ran to the side of her mentor. Couldn't allow Kelcey Wallace to recover from her self-inflicted injuries all by herself! Nevermind the fact she has a billion Street cousins and a goddamn fiance to take care of her. But oh no, that wasn't enough for Pey-Pey! She had to be there too! She had to stick herself somewhere that she isn't needed!
Doesn't that sound familiar?
Listen here bitch. I don't give a fuck if you thought you were doing the right thing running to Kelcey's bedside. But before you go patting yourself on the back for being a good girl, let me remind you of a few things from Last Grasp of Reality, you know, the show you missed?
Sienna Swann was hurt in the same accident Kelcey was, Did Bree Lancaster, her best friend, run from a fight to be at her friend's side? No! She showed up to fight! Regan Street was damn near murdered on live pay per view, did David Helms leave the arena to be at his wife's side as she was rushed to the hospital? No! He stayed and fought! I'm not really a fan of Bree and I think by now the whole world knows what I think about David as a waste of humanity, but they deserve the pats on the back, not you, Peyton, because they didn't use other people's misfortunes as an excuse to run from fighting!
You wanted to give me and Tommy so much shit for letting ourselves get counted out of a match that didn't matter, you picked this fight with me! How does it feel, knowing you made yourself a hypocrite bigger than my ass by not showing up to a fight you started? I don't ever want to hear your high and mighty bullshit in my face again!
Oh and by the way? You owe Crystal Zdunich an apology. She had to pay for your hypocrisy.
And now this week? When Breakdown gets thirsty by moving to Thursday, and I'm set to face your little Perfect Pack friend Aaron Blackboune.
Hey Aaron. I kinda feel sorry for you. You're the last one standing in this little group that Kelcey called the future. Alistaire nearly got killed by a drunk, he can't be blamed for that. But then Owen decided you fucks weren't worth his time. Kelcey hurt herself trying to hurt Sienna, so she's clearly probably not smart enough to be managing anyone, and Peyton have SCW the middle finger to velcro herself to Kelcey's ass.
It's sad in it's own way.... all of them left you here alone, to finish the fight they started. It was never meant to be a one person job, Aaron. But none of them were thinking about you when they put their own interests first, were they? They just assumed that you would be there, support their decisions, keep on keeping on. Cause that's what you do. You're a good friend. A good soldier.
Is any of that gonna help you get what you want, doll?
How many times have you been so fucking close to the top around here only for this righteous fight to derail you? You let these so-called friends of yours drag you around, talk you into fights that really aren't yours. Look at the bullshit with Owen and Giovanni. Nothing to do with you! You got dragged in just by being Owen's friend. And now he's told all of you to fuck off, fend for yourselves.
And you're gonna step up to me, still trying to fight their fight?
Loyal to the end, aren't you, doll?
I'm gonna need you to wake the fuck up and realize that these people don't care about you! Everyone, everyone, in this business, when it comes to that ring.... only care about themselves. So do yourself a favor and stop caring about them. Quit putting yourself in harms way for things that aren't your concern.
Don't take that the wrong way, I'm not asking you to not show up for our match. I actually really want to get in the ring with you, it's about time this place gave me a real test.... not the scrubs I usually get when I have a singles match. I can't make something of myself around here if all I get are jobbers and hasbeens. I need to go against the best.
You, Aaron? You're one of the best.
And that's why it's been so sad to watch you get sucked into this Perfect Pack mentality, where you are just one of a group and often a second thought or afterthought. I can relate to that, I've been an afterthought for months, unless I'm tagging with Tommy. Don't get me wrong, I love our team.... but I love myself, too. And I'm not gonna let anyone overlook me anymore!
I suggest you do the same. Fight for yourself, Aaron. Your own battles, stand your own ground. Make your own rules. Before you get left behind for real.
Oh and by the way.... I can't wait to make you see stars.