Body, Heart, & Soul 2024
December 25
West Hollywood
Williamson home
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I still couldn't believe I agreed to this.
Tommy and I walked up to Ray and Debbie's door. Nate was already there; I'd parked behind his car.
“Are you ready for this?”
“No.”
“It'll be fine.”
“That's easy for you to say. You're not about to upend your father's life.”
Tommy had no reply to that as I knocked on the door. It was opened by Nate.
“Hey, you made it!” I walked in and Nate hugged me, then shook Tommy's hand as he stepped inside. “Merry Christmas.”
“Same to you, bro.”
Nate led us to the kitchen, which has the dining room attached, that open concept bullshit that was all the rage in the 90's. Debbie turned from the stove and gave me a smile.
“Kandis! It's about time we see your face around here again.” She walked up to me and gave me a kiss on he cheek, then a hug.
“I know, I'm sorry. I've been really busy.”
She stood back, one hand on my arm. “I know, honey. And dealing with a lot, too. We're just happy to see you any time you have time for us.”
“I'll try to make more time in the new year.”
Debbie smiled big. “We would love that.”
Just then, Ray walked in from the back door. He smiled when he saw me, too. “Hey you! Nate told me you were coming but I wasn't sure.”
“Wouldn't have missed it. Blame traffic for us being late.”
“Typical." Ray shook his head. He meant typical traffic, not typical excuse. It's a very valid excuse in this part of California.
Nate walked in through the back door as well, and smiled at me, then nodded, his eyebrows raised. He was asking me if I was ready. I nodded, along with a half-shrug. Not really, but let's get it over with.
“Hey Dad, let's drag Kandis outside and show her what we've been working on.”
“Oh, I don't think she'd be interested in that.”
“Yes I would. Why wouldn't I?” Nate had already told me what they were working on. A set piece for an upcoming movie. Ray is technically retired but he helps Nate out every now and then on large projects. This one? A fake stone well complete with crank and bucket. It's for a horror movie set during the witch trials.
“Do you know what it is?”
“Yes.”
“I told her about it a few weeks ago.”
“It sounds interesting to make. I'd love to see what you guys did with it so far.”
“Well...” I can see Ray giving in. He's always been the humble type, never thought his work was all that fantastic, despite the Motion Picture Academy stating otherwise a time or two. “Alright. But the usual rules apply. No-”
“No pictures, no telling anyone about it, I know.” I glanced back at Tommy. I really wanted him near me when Nate and I did this. “Is it okay if Tommy sees it too?”
“Oh, I don't see why not. I'm sure the man knows how to keep secrets.”
“You don't know the half of it, Ray.” Tommy grinned.
“That's what I thought. Alright, follow me. We can stay out of Deb's way while she finishes the feast.”
We went out the back door and across the yard to Ray's workshed. It's fully finished out, electric and water, AC and heat (not that either is needed much here) and even a half bath. It's been that way since I first came here, and its the workshed where Ray first started to teach me about art and sculpture. It was the perfect place to have this conversation, actually, and I think Nate set it up that way on purpose.
Ray opened the door, and in the middle of the large space was a well-shaped structure. It's all beige, the fake stones having been carved out of some kind of dense foam.
“Here she is. Not much so far, needs color.”
I walked closer and around it, looking closer. “This is actually amazing, Dad. Did you do the cutting?”
“The bottom part, I did. Nate did the more detailed stuff towards the top.”
I looked again, and saw that the edge of the well had a different 'stone' pattern, with smaller stones.
“Oh, I see that now. It all looks great.”
We talked a little more about the project, and Ray showed me and Tommy the plans, which included the color scheme. Part of me wanted to come back and help paint it, the pattern looked like it would be fun to create. As Ray put the plans away, Nate leaned against the wall of shelves, and pulled an envelope out of his inside jacket pocket. I knew what that was. The test results. I must have given him a panicked look, because he made a subtle calming gesture with one hand. I took it to mean that he would start the conversation. We had agreed weeks ago that it was my news to tell, though. I had something in my back pocket, too.
Ray turned away from his desk where he filed the plans and started to say something, but stopped.
“Okay. What's the deal? The two of you look like you got something planned.”
“We... Kandis and I, have something we want to talk to you about.”
“Out here? Shouldn't your mother be-”
“No. Just you. For now.”
Ray looked back and forth between Nate and I. “Is something wrong? Is one of you sick and I need to know first to keep your mother in one piece?”
“No... nothing like that. It's just something you should know first.”
I cleared my throat. “And I'm the one who should tell you.”
“Okay. I am thoroughly confused and slightly concerned.”
I took a deep breath, rubbing my hand over my back pocket, making sure the contents were still there.
“Okay. So, you know the last few years, I've been dealing with looking for my birth family, then getting to know them, even finding out my mother was actually alive all this time.”
“Yes, we were proud of you for deciding to seek them out. And surprised but happy about your mother. What does any of this got to do with me?”
“Well, when Mom died, she left me some things. Namely, a safe deposit box in Indiana. Tommy and me went there to get the contents. It wasn't much. Some jewelry, this.” I showed Ray the emerald ring I wear daily. “Some old paperwork, and pictures. And... a letter.” I didn't have the letter with me, I was too afraid to mess it up or lose it. “The letter... revealed some things.”
“Such as?” Ray sounded sincerely interested.
“Well... I think I should back up a bit. Dammit, I already fucked this up...”
“You're fine, Kandy.”
I nodded at my brother as I reached into my back pocket, and pulled out a picture. It's my mother, except not. It was in the pile of pictures I found in the box, yet I had only recently looked more closely at this one. Holding the two by three print between both hands, I looked down at it before speaking to Ray.
“Do you remember a woman named Collette Star?”
“That does sound familiar....”
“Here. Does this help?” I handed him the picture. It's a head shot, with that name printed along the margin. From when my mother tried to get into the business. In it, she has her head tilted up slightly, one hand tucked under her chin in a typical modeling pose, and a warm smile on her face. She had beautiful black hair that hung loose in waves around her shoulders. Ray took the picture from me, looked at it a second or two, smiled... then forced the smile away. He looked up at me, I couldn't tell if he was confused or alarmed. Maybe both.
“Where did you get this?”
“Do you know her?”
“Yes... well, I did. For a time. To be honest I haven't thought about her in... gosh, has to be decades.” He looked at the picture again, and spoke without looking up from it. “Where did you get this?” Looking up finally, now he seemed nervous. “Kandis?”
“It was in my mother's things, in that deposit box.”
Ray's eyes widened. “You're telling me your mother knew her?”
“No.” I paused to calm my breath. “She is my mother.”
“No.” Ray shook his head. “This is Collette, your mother was Carla.”
“Don't you think they sound similar? A lot of people pick different stage names when they come here to break into acting.”
Ray looked at the picture once more, then back up at me. He was doing the same thing I did, when I found the pictures. Looking for a resemblance. It's actually pretty striking once you notice it.
“I'll be damned....” He then looked at Nate, who was still holding the envelope he'd taken from his pocket. “Hang on, what exactly is going on here? What's that you got there, son?”
“I'll hand it to you when Kandis gets to that.”
Ray looked back at me. “Kandis? What is all of this? Is this really your mother? And how did you know I knew her?”
“I told you. She left me a letter. It's about you. I... thought I had it with me, but I don't. I'll be happy to show it to you any time though.” I figured a small lie didn't hurt.
“Why on earth would your mother have talked about me in a letter?”
“It talked about how you knew her. When you and Debbie were just dating, through after Nate was born.”
Ray's eyes narrowed, and I knew that was the moment he put everything together, even before I said the words. “Wait... no...”
“Collette, Carla, my mother. Hid from you because she... she was pregnant. With me.”
“Kandis. That's impossible.”
“I came here at fourteen and from day one both you and Debbie treated me like your daughter.” My voice got shaky, but I made myself finish. “Turns out... I am your daughter. For real.”
“Impossible....” Ray looked back at Nate, who was twitching the envelope in his hand. Turning back to me, Ray really looked at me. “Or is it? I thought I stopped seeing her before Nate was born...” He looked off to the side, and ticking off on his fingers, counting years I suppose. He then stopped abruptly and looked back at me. “No. It can't be. Collette would have told me if she was pregnant, she knew about... about Debbie. She-”
“That's why she didn't tell you. She didn't want to upset your life.”
Ray shook his head, clearly thinking about that possibility. “And you're just taking the word of some letter left in a box?”
“Wouldn't it an astronomical coincidence if she made it up? But no.... we're not just taking that as definite word. Nate?”
Nate finally handed the envelope to Ray. “What's this? Son?”
Nate just looked at me, to continue. “We had a test done. Those are the results.”
“What kind of test? DNA? How can you do that, that's for parentage.”
“Not anymore. Open it.”
Ray gave me a skeptical look, but opened the envelope. I recognized the page from behind, it was the one the man at the clinic had explained to me and Nate. Ray read it. And read it again.
“This says you two are related. By blood.”
“Yes. Because you're our father. My father.”
I had imagined this moment over and over again since the day Nate and I got those test results, and a dozen different scenarios played out in my head as to how I expected Ray to react. None of them were close to being right.
“That's why you didn't want Mom out here. Because I...” Ray couldn't say it.
“That's right.”
Ray looked up from the paper, at me for about half a second, then all a sudden he was hugging me. I heard the paper crunch in his hand at my back. I hugged back, absolutely stunned at this reaction.
“What are the odds? What are the fucking odds?!” His voice broke at the end. I'd never heard him swear before. Apparently Nate seldom had either, because I heard him take in his breath.
“I've been asking myself that since I read that letter.”
“I'd love to see it.”
“You will.”
We remained embraced for a few more seconds, then he let me go. He waved at Nate to stand next to me. “Yes, right there, let me look at you.” He looked back and forth a few times then shook his head. “And we never saw it.”
“We weren't looking for it. Why would we?” Nate shrugged.
“We have to tell your mother.”
“What do you think she'll say?”
“I have no idea. But I can't keep it from her. Not anymore...”
I suddenly became nervous as fuck. “Um... do we have to do it now?”
"Oh, God no! There's no way I'm going to drop this on Christmas. And I'll do it myself. You two don't need to be here.” He looked down at the now-crumpled paper in his hand. “Is this mine?”
“Yeah, I made you a copy. I have the original at home.” I asked Nate to keep it, I was afraid I'd lose it.
“And the picture?”
“You can have it. There were two. I guess the copies she had left.”
“Thank you.” We stood there in silence, as Ray just kept looking back and forth between me and Nate. I would swear I saw something in his eyes. “I just can't fucking believe it.”
Somehow, we made it through the rest of Christmas day without Debbie realizing anything was different. Except it was. Everything about this family was different. Although Tommy hadn't said one word during the conversation with Ray, I knew I couldn't have gotten through it without knowing he was there. He would be generously thanked when we got home. Drake would be happy to know he was right. I had been afraid all this time for nothing. Ray didn't deny me or reject me at all. He embraced me. Literally.
ON CAMERA
Hold the fuck up.
I seem to be saying that a lot lately, don't I? That's because there's just so much ridiculous shit flying around here that I can barely keep track of it. So let me see if I got this straight. CHBK felt bad that some fucko made an advertising mistake about Selena returning at Fatal Fortunes, so.. he lets her return, under a mask, and makes a deal with her. She'll only do it if she gets a World Championship shot if she wins the battle royal. Did I get that right?
So anyone can just make backroom deals about World Championship matches now? And you wonder why people talk shit about this place. You wonder why Asher Hayes says he hates it here. I'm disgusted with myself for agreeing with him in any capacity at all.... but come on! This is obvious Grade A bullshit! CHBK wants to claim that Selena did nothing to void her rematch?
Walking out on her contract is nothing?
Walking out on the fans he doesn't want to disappoint is nothing?
Only agreeing to honor her contract under certain terms is nothing?
It still sounds like blackmail to me, because I can't comprehend why a businessman and former competitor like CHBK would even entertain the idea, much less actually agree to it. There has to be something else going on, and I refuse to believe otherwise. If anyone knows anything about backroom deals and trading favors... it's me. And I know one when I see one. CHBK only told the world half the truth, and we may never know the rest. That's fine with me, I don't need to know. But don't try to gaslight me into believing that any of this makes good business sense, or is fair, or is anything that anyone wants to see!
You want to avoid disappointing the fans, Alex!? Try listening to them Did you hear the boos? Did you hear how much they do not want to see Selena Frost get handed something she doesn't deserve? Didn't you hear them when I protested? They voted me Female Wrestler of the Year! They want me in that spot. ME! Don't worry, I heard the part where you said I had next at Retribution. You might think that makes up for this, but it doesn't. Not by a long shot. Because you see, if this new version of Selena pulls some more bullshit and steals the championship from Asher... then I have a problem.
I don't get to face Asher and finally prove who between us is the better fighter. I'll have to face Selena again. I've already proven myself against her, and I have zero desire to do so again. The only silver lining in that scenario is that maybe she'll be so embarrassed when I kick her ass a second time that she'll walk away from SCW again, and stay gone.
Let me make something else clear, too. This thing with Konrad Raab? Is just a distraction. He's been allowed to run rampant all over Breakdown coming after me with all kinds of weapons and fire... hoping that I'd be angry enough with him to be happy with the chance to put him away for good and lay off focusing on the World Championship. If anyone really thinks it's that easy to take my focus away from the one thing I was zeroed in on for the last year.... then you haven't been paying attention.
But... thats not to say Konrad doesn't deserve some of my attention. Especially after all of the shit he's thrown at me. The man has been sickeningly obsessed with me for a long time now, and I've had enough of it. Enough! That creepy old arsonist has been fucking around with me for too long and getting away with it. Costing me matches, trying to light me on fire... the fucker even somehow got this match approved as an Inferno match!
Well, let me fill you in on something, Konrad. Fire... doesn't scare me. You... don't scare me. You might think you're getting what you want with this match, but I'm gonna make you understand what the phrase “be careful what you wish for” truly means. Bring all your kinks, Konrad. Your matches and lighters and flame throwers, whatever the fuck you want. I'm just bringing myself, because I won't need extra playthings to beat you. I'll just do what I've always done with you. Turn your own fetishes against you and make sure you regret ever fucking with me! You're going to find out exactly what I think of you, exactly how much this entire situation pisses me off... and everyone will find out what happens when you piss off the shameless whore.
You get fucked.... with no remorse.
Is that what you wanted me to do, Alex? Pay attention to Konrad? I hope there's an extra ambulance on standby. One is already reserved for Konrad Raab. Maybe he and you will understand how dangerous it truly is to fuck with me.